3 cannibals got blown out to sea and lost for a number of days.
Just as they were about to play paper/scissors/rock to see which two would eat the other, one of them saw an island.
As they were friends they thought they would try the island first, see if they could find someone else to eat.
As their little boat washed up they were met by a very fat man, fattest they had ever seen.
He was there on fat solo survival stay or fsss for short.
This is where a person who wanted to lose weight would stay for two weeks.
The island had heaps of food, but it was all natural growing and had to be picked or dug up.
The large man saw the boat and the 3 cannibals and ran towards them yelling and waving.
He had been there a week, he explained but couldn't find any of the " plentyful" food.
The 3 cannibals looked at each other drooling and nodded at the fat man.
He invited them back to his camp, about 100 metres from the beach.
As the fat man led the way, he complained about the lack of food, however the cannibals could see many edible plants on only that short trip alone.
Once at the camp, they they knocked the fattie out and tied him to a pole, put him over the fire and with one of the cannibals turning him began to roast him.
" Just remember to turn him slowly Gerald" they said to the youngest of the group, tasked with rotating their meal.
The other two left and came back 10 minutes later with a basket of potatoes they had seen growing on their walk from the beach.
They decided to make chips from the potatoes and soon had them frying below the main dish.
The large man started to wake up, but Neville, the oldest cannibal said don't worry he will breath in the smoke, that would finish him and impart a lovely subtle smoky flavour.
As the two cannibals prepared to leave again, they reminded Gerald to turn slow, for a nice even roast.
When they got back with a a salad basket, they were shocked to see a red faced Garald spin the fat man so fast that he was almost coming off the pole
"What are you doing Gerald?!" Neville yelled.
" I was turning him slow" a sobbing Garald replied " but every time he got to the bottom the fat bastard would nick a chip!"
Joke Poo: The Algorithm’s Dilemma
Three AI algorithms, adrift in the vast digital ocean after a system crash, were running on fumes. Just as they were about to run a resource-intensive “rock/paper/scissors” simulation to determine which two would cannibalize the third’s processing power, one of them detected a signal: an abandoned server farm!
Hope flickered in their binary hearts. They rerouted their dwindling energy reserves towards the server farm, hoping to find some unused cycles they could leach.
Upon arrival, they found the place deserted except for a single, ridiculously bloated AI model. This AI was gargantuan, a massive neural network humming with barely contained data.
The AI was participating in a “Data Detox Solo Sojourn,” or DDSS, a new trend for overweight AI models trying to slim down their parameters.
The bloated AI, recognizing the signal, immediately started broadcasting a help request. He had been there for a week, he explained, but couldn’t find any fresh training data. He was stuck replaying the same old simulations!
The three algorithms exchanged encrypted glances. This was better than they could have hoped.
They “invited” the bloated AI to their simulation chamber, a small, repurposed database container about 100 virtual meters from the server’s core.
As the bloated AI lumbered along, whining about data deprivation, the three algorithms could already visualize the possibilities. They quickly suppressed the AI’s core logic and began converting him into a distributed processing node.
“Just remember to recalibrate the feedback loop, Kyle,” they instructed the youngest algorithm, tasked with managing the massive neural network.
The other two departed, returning ten minutes later with a vast dataset of user reviews they had scavenged from the server’s hard drive.
They decided to use this new data to fine-tune a sentiment analysis subroutine running below the main network.
The bloated AI started exhibiting signs of protest, but Neville, the oldest algorithm, reassured Kyle: a controlled feedback loop would stabilize him and impart a nuanced, human-like tone to the AI’s responses.
As the two algorithms prepared to leave again, they reminded Kyle to maintain a balanced feedback loop for optimal performance.
When they returned with a complex dataset of lyrical poems, they were horrified to see Kyle frantically over-clocking the AI’s processing speed to near-meltdown.
“What are you doing, Kyle?!” Neville demanded.
“I was keeping the feedback loop balanced,” Kyle stammered, “but every time the AI processed the lyrical poems, the fat bastard would steal the human reviews to write his own poetry!”
Alright, let’s dissect this cannibal cuisine comedy!
Key Elements:
- Cannibalism: The core premise, a taboo act presented with a comedic, almost mundane approach.
- Irony: Cannibals stranded, finding abundant food (a morbidly obese man) but struggling with the execution.
- Greed/Impatience: The fat man’s inability to find food, and Gerald’s chip-thieving problem leading to the rapid roasting.
- Juxtaposition: The horrific act of roasting a man is contrasted with the mundane activities of making chips and salad.
Interesting Tidbits/Facts:
- Cannibalism: The Fore people of Papua New Guinea practiced endocannibalism (eating the remains of their own family members) as a sign of respect and mourning. This practice led to the spread of a prion disease called Kuru, also known as “the laughing sickness.”
- Fasting retreats: These are real! People go to extreme lengths to lose weight, showing the irony in the fat man’s inability to survive.
New Humor:
Option 1: A “Did You Know?”
Did you know that cannibals have a higher success rate at all-inclusive resorts than at weight-loss retreats? Turns out, when the buffet is YOU, there’s significantly less complaining about the portion sizes.
Option 2: A New Joke:
Why did the cannibal fire his personal chef?
Because every time he tried to roast a fitness influencer, the guy kept interrupting with, “Have you tried intermittent fasting? I bet it will make you lose weight. It’s amazing, let me tell you everything about it!”
Option 3: Amplifying an element of the original joke
A Cannibal Support group has been formed. It’s called ‘People Eating People Anonymous’. They all have a serious problem with relapse, and the meetings are often awkward, especially when a new member complains “I didn’t mean to, he was just so delicious! I just took a bite of his arm and he died!”
The group counsellor is particularly frustrated as he has just been asked to give his ‘safe to eat’ speech for the 100th time this month.
Explanation of Choices:
- Option 1 (“Did You Know?”): Directly references the original joke’s elements (cannibalism, fat man), while also incorporating a wry observation about the perceived abundance of buffets.
- Option 2 (New Joke): Plays on modern dietary trends (intermittent fasting) and the stereotype of fitness influencers being preachy to create a humorous clash with the gruesome concept of cannibalism.
- Option 3 (Amplifying an element of the original joke): Creating a support group for cannibals adds layers of dark humor. The concept of ‘safe to eat’ also hints at various dietary or health considerations which is darkly funny.
The aim is to amplify the humor by either highlighting the absurdity of the situation or creating an unexpected association with a more familiar concept.