A man was lying in a hospital bed with his wife by his side. He looked at her and said, “Honey, the doctor said I’m on my last leg. I won’t make it through the night.”
She wept, holding his hand saying, “Is there anything I need to do?”
“When I die”, he whispered, “in my desk drawer you’ll find a black bag with $15 thousand dollars in small bills. It’s yours. It will also have 3 golf balls. You can throw them away.”
“I’m touched. But why are there 3 golf balls? You’ve never played in your life.”
He sighed: “The 3 golf balls are the times I cheated on you.”
She inhaled, holding her tears & breath. “3 times in 40 years of marriage isn’t too bad. But where did the money come from?”
“Every time I got a dozen balls together, I sold them to a range.”
Okay, here’s a new joke based on the original, titled “Joke Poo”:
Joke Poo: 3 Used Diapers
A weary programmer sat hunched over his keyboard, his wife standing anxiously behind him. He groaned, “Honey, I’m pretty sure this code is a dead end. I’m not going to be able to debug this before the deadline.”
She squeezed his shoulder, “Is there anything I can do to help, darling?”
He mumbled, “Yes… When this project inevitably fails, in my top drawer you’ll find a sealed bin liner. Inside is £10,000 in small denominations. It’s all yours. Also in the bag are 3 used diapers. Just throw them away.”
She frowned. “I appreciate the money, but why the diapers? We don’t even have a baby!”
He sighed weakly: “The 3 used diapers are the times I tried to pass off someone else’s code as my own.”
She gasped dramatically. “Three times in just one project?! That’s outrageous! But… if you failed to deliver the project on time and delivered plagiarized code… where did the money come from?”
He croaked, “Every time I got a full bin together, I sold them to a local recycling plant.”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and then build some comedic enhancements.
Joke Breakdown:
- Setup: A dying man confesses to his wife, revealing a secret stash of cash and a curious detail – three golf balls.
- Twist: The golf balls symbolize infidelity.
- Punchline: The money came from selling gathered golf balls, implying many acts of infidelity were covered up by the small number admitted
Key Elements:
- Deathbed Confession: A classic trope for extracting maximum emotional impact.
- Infidelity: A relatable and often humorously treated theme.
- Golf Balls: An unexpected and incongruous symbol for infidelity, creating the humor.
- Financial Deception: The man made money off his actions, adding another layer of complexity.
Comedic Enhancements:
Here are a few options, building on the joke’s elements:
1. Alternative Punchline:
“Every time I got a dozen balls together, I sold them to a range… and that’s how I afforded that timeshare in Cancun with the pro.”
Explanation: Instead of simply being a source of income, the golfing also leads directly to new infidelities
2. “Did You Know?” Expansion:
“Did you know that the average golf ball is hit roughly 75 times per round by an amateur golfer? This means that to gather up enough golf balls to amass $15,000, our dying Casanova would have to either be an incredibly dedicated ball-finder or a remarkably unfaithful husband. Either way, at least he had a good short game of the other sort.”
Explanation: This uses the “did you know” format to highlight the absurdity of the situation and adds a playful jab at the man’s moral compass.
3. New Joke:
A man’s wife is cleaning out his garage after he dies. She finds a box labeled “Golf Balls – Do Not Open.” Intrigued, she opens it. Inside are hundreds of golf balls and a note: “The driving range said if I collected enough, they’d give me a lifetime membership. Also, Brenda from accounting is really good at putting.”
Explanation: This retains the element of golf balls symbolizing infidelity but delivers the punchline in a more indirect, suggestive way. It also throws in a little twist with the lifetime membership, suggesting a secondary motive behind the golf ball collection.