So a wrestler makes his way up the circuit as he keeps beating his opponents. As he gets to the championship he realizes to win it all, he has to go up against the champion, a big Romanian guy known for putting his opponents into what is known as the pretzel hold at the end of the match where he ties his opponents up just like a pretzel. When the final fight begins, his coach warns him about the pretzel hold. The wrestler goes into the ring to start the wrestling match and the match goes well for the wrestler as he’s pretty well matched up with the Romanian. Towards the end of the match, they are tied, but just he gets to the end of the match, just when he thinks he might to win, the Romanian grabs his arms and legs and he starts to put him in the pretzel hold. His coach looks down in disbelief and defeat when he hears a loud scream and looks up to see his guy up on his feet, he then beats the Romanian for the championship. After the match, the coach asks how he got out the pretzel hold. The wrestle says, well you know, when I was being put into the pretzel hold, I saw these pair of hairy nuts hanging right in front of my face, so I decided to bite them, and it’s amazing what the pain can make you do when you bite your own nuts.
Joke Poo: The Baker
So, a young baker rises through the ranks of the culinary world, winning baking competitions left and right. Finally, he reaches the national championship. To win it all, he has to face the reigning champion, a stern Bavarian woman known for finishing her opponents with “The Strudel Squeeze,” a technique where she folds their pastry creation into a perfectly symmetrical, impossibly intricate strudel.
As the final bake-off begins, his mentor warns him about the Strudel Squeeze. The baker works diligently, seemingly evenly matched with the Bavarian. Towards the end, they’re neck-and-neck, but just as the time is about to expire, the Bavarian grabs his dough creation. He sees her eyes gleam as she begins to initiate the Strudel Squeeze.
His mentor looks on in despair. Suddenly, he hears a gasp, and looks up to see the young baker triumphantly holding up his strudel, even more perfectly formed than the Bavarian’s, clearly having won.
After the competition, the mentor asks, “How did you escape the Strudel Squeeze? How did you perfect your dough like that under pressure?”
The baker sighs, “Well, you know, when she was putting my dough into the Strudel Squeeze, I noticed a tiny piece of hair had fallen from her brow and landed right onto her perfectly prepared dough. I knew I couldn’t resist…it’s amazing what perfectionism can make you do when you pluck a hair off of your own baking.”
Okay, let’s break down this joke.
Key Elements:
- Wrestling Trope: The underdog story, the crucial championship match, the opponent with a signature move.
- The “Pretzel Hold”: This is the core setup. It promises a complex, agonizing contortion.
- Misdirection/Unexpected Twist: The wrestler escapes the hold not through skill, but through desperate, self-inflicted pain.
- The Absurdity of the Escape: The punchline relies on the shock value of the wrestler biting his own testicles in an act of pain-induced desperation. The pain is so immense it grants him Herculean strength.
- Grotesque humor: Relies on the audience’s discomfort and revulsion at the thought of biting one’s own testicles.
Now, let’s leverage these elements for some comedic enrichment:
Option 1: The “Did You Know?”
“Did you know that the human body, in a moment of extreme duress (like, say, being twisted into a human pretzel), can experience heightened pain tolerance? However, scientists estimate the amount of adrenaline required to overcome the pain of biting one’s own testicles in that situation would also likely trigger spontaneous combustion. So, if you’re ever in a pretzel hold, maybe just tap out. Or at least aim for his pretzel.”
Analysis: This plays on the absurdity of the original joke, adding a layer of faux-scientific plausibility, then pulls back to the outlandishness. It subverts the expectation that the pain provides added strength, but actually the pain is so immense it could cause spontaneous combustion.
Option 2: The Re-Contextualized Observation:
“That wrestler’s victory is a fascinating commentary on the lengths we’ll go to avoid discomfort. We’ll endure excruciating, self-inflicted pain before simply admitting defeat and ordering a gluten-free pretzel on Amazon.”
Analysis: This takes the original joke and uses it to highlight human nature’s tendency to avoid failure at all costs. It juxtaposes the extreme action in the joke with the mundane choice of a simple dietary change. It pokes fun at how we go to the extreme to avoid admitting defeat.
Option 3: The New Joke:
A wrestler, known for his unconventional training methods, was giving a seminar. “The key to victory,” he proclaimed, “is embracing pain! I once escaped a near-fatal pretzel hold by biting my own–“
A woman in the front row fainted.
The wrestler sighed. “See? Embracing pain. Not inflicting it on others with graphic descriptions.”
Analysis: This new joke uses the setup of the original (unconventional wrestler and pain-based escape) but pivots to focus on the audience’s reaction. The humor comes from the contrast between the wrestler’s intended message of self-discipline and the repulsive image he conjures, highlighting the audience’s visceral response.
I think Option 1 would be the funniest because of the absurdity of “spontaneous combustion.”