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[NSFW] Sex On The Sabbath

Posted on July 15, 2025 by Joke Poo

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or pleasure. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex"?

So he goes to a Lutheran minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.

He queries the minister and receives the same reply, "Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath"!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely pleasure."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work"?

The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex was work, my wife would have the maid do it."

Okay, here’s my attempt, playing on the same theme of seeking religious guidance on a personal matter, but shifting the subject and perspective, and leaning into a more absurd, slightly gross humor:

Joke Poo

A young couple, fretting over the ecological impact of their composting toilet, wondered if using single-ply versus three-ply toilet paper on the farm was an environmental sin. They were unsure if the extra ply constituted excessive waste or simply more efficient cleaning.

So, they first went to a Birkenstocked environmentalist and asked for his opinion on this crucial matter.

After consulting several permaculture manuals and composting guides, the environmentalist said, “My friends, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that three-ply is pure, unadulterated excess and therefore verboten!”

The couple, still concerned about hygiene, next went to a meticulously clean doctor, hoping for a more medically informed opinion.

He examined their bathroom setup and hygiene habits. With a solemn face, the doctor gave the same reply: “Three-ply is a wasteful indulgence that cannot be excused.”

Not pleased with these answers, and quite frankly, a little nervous about their comfort level, they sought out an ancient, wise Guru, a man known for his holistic approach to life and enlightenment.

The Guru meditated on the question for a very long time, then stated, “My children, three-ply is most definitely a pleasure.”

The couple replied, “Guru, how can you be so sure when so many others tell us three-ply is a wasteful sin?”

The Guru softly spoke, “My children, if three-ply were truly wasteful, I would have my students do it.”

Okay, let’s break down this joke and then build some comedic bridges from it.

Joke Dissection:

  • Premise: A man seeks religious guidance on whether sex on the Sabbath is permissible, specifically questioning if it constitutes “work” or “pleasure.”
  • Structure: The joke employs a classic setup-punchline structure. The man consults religious figures of different denominations (Catholic Priest, Lutheran Minister, Rabbi), building expectation and contrasting perspectives.
  • Humor Type: This is primarily an observational joke with elements of stereotype and incongruity. The humor arises from:
    • The contrast between the religious figures’ perceived understanding of sex.
    • The unexpected, pragmatic (and somewhat cynical) answer of the Rabbi.
    • The underlying suggestion that sex is, for some people, a chore.
  • Key Elements:
    • Religion/Sabbath: The framework for the moral dilemma.
    • Sex: The subject of the dilemma and the source of potential guilt/pleasure.
    • Religious Figures (Priest, Minister, Rabbi): Representing different approaches to religious law and personal experience.
    • “Work” vs. “Pleasure”: The central conflict defining the act of sex.
    • Wife/Maid: Introduces a social and marital dynamic to the punchline.

Comedic Enrichment:

Here are a few ways we can build off this joke:

1. Witty Observation/Alternative Punchline:

“The man, still conflicted, finally asked his wife. She sighed, ‘Honey, if it were work, I’d have outsourced it years ago.'” (This plays on the outsourcing trend, extending the Rabbi’s sentiment to a contemporary context.)

2. Amusing “Did You Know?” related to sex and religion:

“Did you know that in certain interpretations of the Talmud, marital relations are not only permitted but encouraged on the Sabbath? It’s considered an ‘oneg Shabbat’ – a Sabbath delight. Apparently, some Rabbis considered it a religious duty, because what better way to honor God’s creation than to, well, create?”

3. New Joke (playing on “work” aspect):

A couple argues after a particularly unsatisfying encounter.

“You call that sex?” the wife complains. “It felt like you were just clocking in for overtime!”

The husband retorts, “Well, someone’s gotta bring home the bacon, and apparently, you’re on strike.”

4. Philosophical Observation:

Perhaps the real question isn’t whether sex is work or pleasure, but whether we can find pleasure in the work. Because let’s be honest, sometimes it’s both.

5. Continuing the theme with a new character:

The man, still searching, asks a Tantric guru. The guru closes his eyes, breathes deeply, and says, “My son, whether it’s work or pleasure is irrelevant. It’s about the energetic exchange. Now, let’s discuss your chakra alignment…”

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