As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.
"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."
"Yesterday?!" she gasps. "How did they hit it off so quickly?"
"Well, he's a handsome man and a wonderful lover, for one. He's a really nice guy, of course. And to top it off," he says, leaning into a whisper, "he's got a 10-inch cock!"
She giggles, blushing. "Sounds like a catch! Where can I find him?"
"He's just a block over. But fair warning…he's also a little…kooky. He's only interested in women named after flowers. So if I ever meet a woman with a flowery name, I send her his way."
He points at the rose. "Then, he sends me the flower as a thank you. Yesterday was Rose. A week ago, I recommended Violet to him," he says, indicating a slightly wilted violet in a vase behind him.
The woman thanks him and leaves, bitterly cursing her own name. Nevertheless, she visits the well-endowed florist's shop. Stepping up to the counter, she pointedly says, "I heard you are particularly…skilled… in certain areas?"
He smirks. "So I have been told. And who might you be?"
She grins. "I was referred by your friend down the street. Perhaps you can…assist me?"
"Perhaps," he says, "but tell me…what is your name?"
She hesitates. Then, pouting slightly, she replies "Kristen, but everyone calls me Kris."
His smile falters, and his head sinks as he shakes his head. Kris's heart drops, knowing she's blown her chance.
"Well then…if it's not too much trouble, I'd like some flowers for my mother."
"Of course, what kind of…." Suddenly, he brightens up again. Without another word, he locks the shop door, swoops upon her, and takes her into his arms.
Three hours of mind-altering orgasms later, she bids him goodbye with a kiss as he presents a complimentary bouquet for her mother.
"And please," he says, "tell your sweet mama she is welcome to as many flowers from my shop as she would like."
Flustered with ecstasy, she promises to convey the message, and calls her mother that night to tell her everything.
The next day, Kris feels incredible, and stops by the original florist's shop.
"I just wanted to thank you for telling me about that dashing gentleman! He was AMAZING!"
He smiles sheepishly. "I suppose I should thank you too. I just got another beautiful flower for recommending you to him."
"Really? What flower could he have possibly sent that was named after me?"
The florist sighs. "Chrysanthemum."
Joke Poo: The Coffee Connoisseur
A young man walks into a high-end coffee shop, wanting to impress a girl he met online. He notices a uniquely decorated mug on display near the register and asks about its price.
“Oh, that’s not for sale,” the barista replies. “It’s a gift from a coffee farmer. I hooked him up with a woman I met at a roasting seminar.”
“Just yesterday?!” the young man exclaims. “How did they connect so fast?”
“Well, he’s incredibly knowledgeable about coffee, very passionate. And to top it off,” he says, leaning in conspiratorially, “He only drinks his coffee from his own butt!“
The young man is both disgusted and intrigued. “Wow. Where can I find this… unique fellow?”
“He owns the coffee plantation a few towns over. But be warned… he’s a little… eccentric. He’s only interested in women who are named after coffee drinks. When I meet a woman like that, I recommend him. Then he sends me the mug.” He points to the display. “Yesterday was Mocha. Last week, I sent Latte his way,” he said, indicating a mug next to the register.
The young man thanks him and leaves, inwardly cursing his own name. Still, determined, he drives to the coffee plantation. He finds the owner behind the counter, brewing a cup with a strange glint in his eye. Stepping up, he boldly states, “I heard you have a very… personal… relationship with coffee.”
The coffee farmer raises an eyebrow. “Indeed. And who might you be?”
“I was referred by your friend in town. Perhaps you can… educate me?”
“Perhaps,” he replies, “but tell me… what is your name?”
The young man hesitates. Then, with a sigh, he says, “My name is Frank.”
The farmer’s smile wavers. He opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again and sighs, before responding “I’d like to get a coffee and some beans, please!”
“Of course. What kind…?”
Then the farmer’s eyes light up again as he locks the shop door, and suddenly takes him by the hands, before proceeding to take him to his house.
Three hours of mind-blowing pleasure later, he bids the young man goodbye with a kiss as he presents a complimentary bag of his rarest beans.
“And please,” he says, “tell your sweet mama she is welcome to as many cups from my plantation as she wants.”
Flustered with ecstasy, the young man promises to convey the message and calls his friend that night to tell him everything.
The next day, the young man feels incredible and stops by the coffee shop.
“I just wanted to thank you for telling me about that amazing coffee farmer! He was INCREDIBLE!”
The barista smiles sheepishly. “I suppose I should thank you too. I just got another beautiful mug for recommending you to him.”
“Really? What coffee drink could he have possibly named after me?”
The barista sighs. “French Vanilla.”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke.
Key Elements:
- Premise: A woman learns about a florist with a very specific (and sexually charged) dating preference.
- Misdirection/Twist: The woman’s name, initially a barrier to entry, turns out to be the key, albeit under a less common full form.
- Sexual Humor: The joke heavily relies on implied sexual activity and double entendre.
- Irony: The initial florist profits from the second florist’s unusual preference.
- Name Game: The humor hinges on the woman’s name and its connection to a flower.
Let’s leverage these elements for a new joke/observation:
New Joke:
A man walks into a pet store looking for a goldfish. The owner, known for his dry wit, says, “I only sell goldfish to people with flower names. Makes it easier to remember who to feed.”
The man sighs, “Well, my name’s Bob.”
The owner shakes his head. “Sorry, no sale.”
Dejected, the man walks out, pauses, and then bursts back in. “Okay, okay, you got me! From now on, everyone calls me ‘Gladiolus’!”
The owner raises an eyebrow. “I admire your dedication, but I’m afraid that won’t work either.”
“Why not?” Gladiolus (formerly Bob) asks, bewildered.
“Because,” the owner replies with a smirk, “I only sell common goldfish to people with flower names. I’m saving the fancy Koi for all the Chrysanthemums.”
Why this works:
- Builds upon the absurdity: It takes the initial unusual criteria of “flower name” and twists it further, creating a new, equally arbitrary rule.
- Maintains the dry humor: It uses the same tone as the original joke.
- Wordplay: Relies on flower names and the distinction between common and ‘fancy’ goldfish.
- Irony: The initial ‘flower name’ constraint is further complicated.
- Referential: It subtly calls back to the original joke (Chrysanthemum).
Amusing “Did You Know?” related to the original joke’s elements:
“Did you know that ‘Chrysanthemum’ comes from the Greek words ‘chrysos’ (gold) and ‘anthemon’ (flower)? So, technically, the second florist wasn’t just interested in flower names, he was after a golden opportunity!” (This is a play on the gold digger trope).