A vulture was flying back to his nest after a long day out looking for food. When he arrived, the nest was filthy and his son was snacking and playing video games.
"Hey son. I thought we agreed that you'd clean up a little while I was gone?" The dad asked.
"Yo Dad, I'll do it later, just let me- OH MY GOD BOYS DID YOU SEE THAT HEADSHOT?!"
"And are you eating peas again?" asked the dad.
"Yeah I love em, let me live my life- BOOM! SUCK IT NOOB!"
"Look we need to talk, tell the boys you'll play later."
The son sighed heavily and turned off his game. He ate another wingfull of peas and looked up at his dad.
"Son, I feel like you've been acting up lately. I know things have been tough since we lost Mom, but you know you can still talk to me if something's bothering you, right?"
"I know Dad, sorry… Things have been kind of hard at school. There is something I've wanted to tell you."
"What is it?" asked the dad.
"Dad… I'm gay."
"Oh… oh! Ok, well, that wasn't exactly what I expected, but uh… that's ok, you know? We'll figure it out."
"There's nothing to figure out! It's who I am! UGH I knew you wouldn't understand!"
"No no, sorry, I get it, I was just a little surprised! Look, you need to stop eating so many peas, we're vultures, we're meat eaters. Let me go find us a proper dinner for tonight and we can talk all about it, whaddya say?"
"Whatever, I'll be in my room." and the son stormed off.
As the dad flew around looking for a proper meal to share with his son, he was glad that know that his son was able to open up to him about such an important thing. But he was also a little nervous for their talk tonight. He didn't know if he should offer any advice, or mostly ask questions. He really didn't know the first thing about what the right approach was. He wished his wife was still alive… she'd be perfect for this. But she wasn't, and this was all part of his new life as a single parent. He'd figure it out. Just speak from the heart.
And just as he felt comfortable with what he was going to say, he spotted it. A fresh deer carcass, small enough to fly back to the nest, but large enough for them both to share. Maybe things were finally turning a corner.
So the dad picks up the deer and flies it back to the nest. But when he arrives, there are empty beer cans scattered all over the place, and his son just cracked another one open.
*BELCH* "Heyyy sup Dad?? Whas that ya got?"
"What are you doing?! You can't be drinking beer, I brought us dinner so we could talk!"
"I don wanna talk… an I don wan your gross dinner! I made more peas, an I'm goin out with the boys tonight…"
"You absolutely are not, you're in no condition to fly. You tell "the boys" that you messed up and you have to stay in tonight. Eat your dinner and then it's straight to bed for you."
"WHAEVER MAN. Ugh. I can fly. I can fly… Plus like, I don't even… want that, what is it??"
And the dad absolutely lost it.
"It's carrion, my gay bird son! There'll be peas when you are done. Lay your beery head to rest. Don't you fly no more!"
Okay, here’s my attempt, titled “Joke Poo”:
Joke Poo: Single Dung Beetle Dad Problems
A dung beetle was rolling a fresh ball of excrement back to his burrow after a long day of sourcing. When he arrived, the burrow was a mess of loose soil and his son was glued to his phone, scrolling endlessly.
“Hey son. I thought we agreed you’d tidy up a bit while I was gone?” The dad asked, pushing the ball into the burrow.
“Ugh, Dad, I’ll get to it later, just let me finish – OMG, this influencer just ate another spicy pepper!”
“And are you eating leaves again?” asked the dad, rolling his eyes (or rather, antennae).
“Yeah, they’re delicious! Let me live my life! BOOM! Fire noodle challenge, IN THE BAG!”
“Look, we need to talk. Put the phone down.”
The son groaned dramatically and tossed his phone aside. He munched on a wilted leaf and looked up at his dad.
“Son, I feel like you’ve been acting differently lately. I know things have been tough since we lost Mom… you know you can still talk to me, right?”
“I know, Dad, sorry… Things have been weird at school. There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you.”
“What is it?” asked the dad, nervously polishing his ball.
“Dad… I’m a vegan.”
“Oh… oh! Okay, well, that wasn’t exactly what I expected, but uh… that’s okay, you know? We’ll figure it out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out! It’s who I am! UGH I knew you wouldn’t understand!”
“No, no, sorry, I get it! I was just a little surprised! Look, you need to stop eating so many leaves; we’re dung beetles, we’re decomposers! I just rolled us a proper dinner for tonight. We can talk all about it. Whaddya say?”
“Whatever. I’ll be in my room.” and the son scuttled off.
As the dad meticulously groomed his dung ball, he was glad his son was able to be honest. But he was also nervous for their talk. Should he offer advice? Ask questions? He really had no idea what the right approach was. He missed his wife… she’d have known exactly what to do. But she was gone, and this was his new life as a single parent. He’d figure it out. Speak from the heart.
Just as he felt ready, he saw them. A pile of discarded fruit rinds and vegetable peelings, fresh and aromatic. Small enough to roll back to the burrow, but enough for them both to share. Maybe things were finally turning a corner.
The dad pushed the prize back to the burrow. But when he arrived, there were half-eaten sunflower seeds scattered everywhere, and his son was taking a long draw from a compost tea can.
GURGLE “Heyyy, sup Dad? Whas that ya got?”
“What are you doing?! You can’t be drinking compost tea! I brought us dinner so we could talk!”
“I don’ wanna talk… an’ I don’t want your stinky poo! I made more sprouts, an’ I’m going out with the earthworms tonight…”
“You absolutely are not. You’re in no condition to tunnel. You tell ‘the worms’ you have to stay in tonight. Eat your dinner, and then it’s straight to bed for you.”
“WHATEVER, MAN. Ugh. I can tunnel. I can tunnel… Plus, like, I don’t even… want that, what is it??”
And the dad absolutely lost it.
“It’s FECES, my vegan beetle son! There’ll be sprouts when you are done! Lay your seedy head to rest. Don’t you tunnel no more!”
Key changes and explanation of changes:
- Characters: Changed from vultures to dung beetles. This introduces a different type of “gross” element, shifting the humor from carrion to dung.
- Food: Replaced carrion with excrement to match the new beetle theme. Also replaced peas with leaves and sprouts to reinforce the vegan twist.
- Setting: Modified to burrow to match the beetle setting.
- Core Assumption: Instead of the son being gay, the punchline revolves around the son’s unexpected veganism, which is a hilarious contradiction to the typical dung beetle diet.
- Pun: The ending is adapted to replace carrion with “feces” and also ends in similar format as the original.
The overall structure and parental frustration are maintained while the subject matter is completely altered for a hopefully equally funny effect. I kept the single-parent dynamic, the son’s disrespect, the father’s attempts at connection, and the surprising twist. The ending punchline is modified to work within the new dung beetle/vegan context.
Okay, let’s dissect this joke!
Key Elements:
- Anthropomorphic Vultures: The core humor comes from giving vultures (typically associated with death, decay, and scavenging) human problems like parenting, video game addiction, coming out, and rebellious teenage behavior.
- Teenage Rebelliousness: The son embodies the classic rebellious teenager stereotype: messy, glued to video games, dismissive of authority, experimenting with substances (beer), and resistant to traditional values.
- Contrast & Unexpected Twists:
- The son eating peas is a deliberate subversion of vulture expectations.
- The father’s initial concern is with the son eating peas, and not so much about the son’s coming out.
- Single Parent Struggles: The joke touches on the challenges of single parenting, particularly navigating sensitive topics and maintaining discipline.
- The Pun: The final line is a perfect mix of the stereotype of the dad’s frustration with the son, and the vulture’s actual food source: carrion.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s build on this with some vulture-related trivia and weave it into a new comedic angle.
Amusing “Did You Know?” & Joke Enhancement:
Did you know that vultures, despite their association with decay, are actually incredibly hygienic? Their stomach acid is so corrosive, it can kill bacteria and toxins that would be deadly to other animals, including botulism, anthrax, and cholera. It’s like having a built-in biohazard suit!
New Joke Premise:
A panel of vultures are being interviewed on a talk show about their “eco-friendly” eating habits. The host remarks on how they’re nature’s clean-up crew.
One vulture says, “Yeah, we take pride in our work. Although, it’s a little disheartening when you spend all day ingesting literal death only to come home and your kid’s complaining about having to eat peas. Like, kid, I eat botulism for a living! You think organic peas are beneath you?!”
Another vulture chimes in, “Tell me about it! Mine tried to convince me they’re ‘vegan carrion.’ I swear, these kids today…”
Witty Observation:
The “single vulture dad problem” highlights a crucial flaw in the natural world’s design: who teaches vultures about parenting? There’s no “Vulture Dad Support Group,” no online forum for “Carrion-Related Child Rearing.” They’re just out there, winging it (pun intended), hoping their offspring don’t develop a crippling pea addiction.