A man had to take a urinalysis at his job. A few days later he was pulled into the office and asked about the opiates they found in his system. He told them that it must of been the poppy seeds from the bagel he ate that morning.
So then they asked him what about the THC, methamphetamines, cocaine, speed, barbiturates, and hallucinogenics? He told them it was an everything bagel.
Joke Poo: The Potting Mix
A woman had to submit a soil sample from her garden for analysis. A few days later, the lab called her, concerned about the heavy metals they found. She explained that it must have been the fertilizer she’d used, with all those bone meal products.
“Yes, but what about the radiation, the trace amounts of plutonium, the suspiciously high carbon-14 levels, and what appears to be a partially digested glowstick?” the lab tech asked.
She sighed, “Oh, that? That was my ‘Everything from Area 51’ potting mix.”
Alright, let’s break down this joke!
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A man fails a workplace drug test and blames it on poppy seeds from a bagel.
- Punchline: The follow-up questioning reveals a laundry list of other drugs, leading to the comedic reveal that it was an “everything bagel” (a bagel loaded with various seeds and toppings).
- Humor derives from:
- Exaggeration: The absurdity of blaming a positive drug test on poppy seeds, then escalating to an absurdly comprehensive list of illegal substances.
- Wordplay: “Everything bagel” acts as both a descriptor of the bagel and a euphemism for “everything imaginable” (i.e., every drug).
- Irony: The contrast between the innocent, everyday object (a bagel) and the serious, illicit context (drug use).
- Relatability (small amount): Many people are aware that eating foods with poppy seeds may impact on drug test results.
Key Elements:
- Drug test/workplace: The setting establishes a context of seriousness and accountability.
- Poppy seeds: This is the initial, somewhat plausible, but ultimately flimsy excuse.
- Everything Bagel: The punchline and the core of the comedic payoff.
- List of Drugs: the comically extensive list that escalate the tension and then break it with the punchline.
Comedic Enrichment: New Joke/Observation
Option 1: New Joke
A chemist walks into a bakery and orders an everything bagel. The baker asks, “Are you sure? Those things are practically organic chemistry labs on dough.” The chemist replies, “Perfect, I’m running a little low on reagents for my afternoon meeting. I need to synthesize a convincing excuse for HR.”
Analysis of New Joke:
- It builds on the original joke’s premise.
- It replaces the drug test scenario with a chemist needing ingredients to synthesise something that will work as an excuse to HR.
- The “organic chemistry labs on dough” comment exaggerates the contents of an everything bagel, similar to how the list of drugs did in the original.
- Plays on the idea of how many ingredients are actually on/in an everything bagel.
- Adds an element of workplace humor by referencing the dreaded HR department.
Option 2: Witty Observation
“Did you know that technically, the ‘everything’ seasoning on an everything bagel contains sesame seeds, poppy seeds, dried garlic, dried onion, and salt? So, if you want to fail a drug test but also have halitosis and high blood pressure, it’s a one-stop shop!”
Option 3: ‘Did You Know’ (But Funny)
“Did you know that in 2010, MythBusters actually tested the poppy seed theory and found that eating poppy seed muffins could cause a positive opiate test? However, they didn’t test the effects of eating an entire everything bagel, which is obviously a gateway to a full-blown experimental pharmacology session.”
The goal of these comedic enrichments is to take the essence of the original joke (absurdity, exaggeration, unexpected twists) and apply it in a fresh, related way.