On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married five times?”
“Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be."
"Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method."
"Husband 3 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it."
"Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it."
"Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him!"
"But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"
“Good,” said the lawyer, “but why?”
“You’re a lawyer!” she replies. “This time I know I’m going to get screwed.”
Joke Poo: The IT Consultant’s Virgin Bride
An IT consultant married a woman who had previously “migrated” five times. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be patient, this is a new system for me.”
“What?” said the bewildered groom. “How can that be if you’ve been migrated five times before?”
“Well, Migrator 1 was in hardware sales; he promised me a cutting-edge experience, but the components were always on backorder.”
“Migrator 2 was a systems architect; he could diagram the entire process perfectly, but kept getting bogged down in version control and never actually started the installation.”
“Migrator 3 was in UX/UI design; he spent all his time on the interface and forgot about the core functionality.”
“Migrator 4 was a network administrator; all he did was troubleshoot connectivity issues and blame the firewall.”
“Migrator 5 was a database administrator; all he did was… oh, I really miss him.”
“But now that I’ve migrated to your system, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the IT consultant, “but why?”
“You’re an IT consultant!” she replies. “This time I know I’m going to get supported.”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and then inject it with some humorous steroids.
Deconstruction of the Original Joke:
- Setup: A lawyer marries a woman with a colourful marital history (5 divorces). This immediately sets up an expectation of “experience” which is then subverted.
- Premise: The wife claims to be a virgin on her wedding night despite her past marriages.
- Punchline Structure: The explanation is delivered through a series of escalating character-based analogies related to the ex-husbands’ professions. Each husband’s profession cleverly describes a lack of action or fulfilment in the sexual realm.
- Twist/Surprise: The unexpected “stamp collector” remark and the ultimate punchline revealing the wife’s cynical view of lawyers create the final comedic impact. The expectation of a positive outlook shifts to a darkly humorous prediction of exploitation.
- Key Elements:
- Irony: The experienced woman is “still a virgin.”
- Stereotypes: Each profession is reduced to a single, humorous, and often negative characteristic.
- Analogy/Metaphor: The sexual act is replaced by business processes (sales, engineering, marketing) and passive activities (psychology, stamp collecting).
- Cynicism: The final punchline reflects a jaded view of lawyers.
Comedic Enrichment & New Humor Generation:
Let’s focus on the lawyer aspect and spin it into something fresh, using some legal trivia.
Did You Know?
Before getting into a new joke, here’s a little tidbit: The term “barrister” (a type of lawyer in some countries) comes from the wooden bar that separated lawyers from the general public in courtrooms. This barrier symbolized both their professional standing and, let’s be honest, probably the public’s desire to keep a safe distance after receiving a bill.
New Joke/Witty Observation:
The lawyer, fresh from his wedding night, is back in court the next day. His colleague asks, “You look exhausted. Wedding night trouble?”
The lawyer sighs. “Well, my new wife asked me to ‘lay down the law’ regarding our marital assets… I spent the entire night drafting a pre-nuptial agreement after the honeymoon suite was booked. Turns out, the only thing getting hammered last night was the fine print.”
Explanation of the New Humor:
- Builds on Original: Uses the lawyer character and the themes of legal proceedings and marital expectations.
- Incorporates Fact: Alludes to prenuptial agreements (a real legal document).
- Twist: Subverts the expectation of a romantic or physical honeymoon experience, replacing it with tedious legal work.
- Irony: The lawyer, an expert at drafting agreements for others, finds himself trapped in one of his own making.
- Humor Style: Sarcastic and self-deprecating, playing on the stereotype of lawyers as overly cautious and detail-oriented.
Why this works:
It takes the original joke’s cynicism and applies it to a specific, relatable (albeit exaggerated) scenario. The legal trivia element adds a layer of authenticity, while the “hammered” pun provides a quick, satisfying laugh. It expands on the theme of lawyers and marriage in a way that complements the original without simply repeating it.