My wife and I have decided not to have children.

Okay, here’s my attempt:

Joke Poo: My Neighbor and I

My neighbor and I have decided not to water our lawns this summer.

If anybody wants some brown crunchy grass, they can come and harvest it from our yards. We’ll even provide the garden shears.

Alright, let’s break down this joke.

Key Elements:

• Premise: A married couple is announcing a decision not to have children.
• Twist/Punchline: The way they announce it. Instead of a serious declaration, it’s a flippant offer of existing children (implying they already do have kids and are just getting rid of them).
• Humor Type: Dark, sarcastic, a touch absurd. The humor comes from the unexpected contrast between the serious premise and the callous, almost barbaric, punchline. There’s also an element of exaggeration and reversal of expectation.

Now, let’s use some factual or interesting tidbits about children, lawns, or marriage to create some comedic enrichment:

Approach 1: Playing on the "Lawn" Aspect

• Tidbit: Lawns are surprisingly resource-intensive. The EPA estimates that lawn care equipment (mowers, trimmers, leaf blowers) emit significant amounts of air pollutants.
• Humorous Extension: "My wife and I have decided not to have children. The carbon footprint of raising them these days is just too high. Besides, I’ve already got a high-maintenance, resource-sucking green thing on my front lawn. It demands constant watering, fertilizing, and shaping. At least the kids can mow it themselves."

Approach 2: Playing on the "Childcare" Aspect

• Tidbit: The average cost of childcare in the US is astronomical, rivaling or exceeding the cost of college in many states.
• Humorous Extension: "My wife and I have decided not to have children. Have you seen the price of daycare these days? We calculated it, and we could literally buy a small island in the Pacific every year for what it costs to raise a single kid. So, anyone want some gently used children? Willing to negotiate on price – maybe trade for a slightly larger island."

Approach 3: Playing on the "Marriage" aspect

• Tidbit: Divorce rates statistically decline after the first few years of marriage, but jump dramatically after 20 years of marriage.
• Humorous Extension: "My wife and I have decided not to have children… yet. We’re holding out until year 20 of the marriage. That’s when the data suggests the best chance of divorce. Then, we’ll have the kids. It’s a strategic move to maximize alimony."

Approach 4: The observational humour

Did you know: Children often prefer playing in the cardboard box the expensive toy came in, rather than the toy itself. That’s because the box offers unlimited possibilities for imagination, unlike the toy which has predetermined function
Humorous extension: "My wife and I have decided not to have children. We already have cats who act exactly like that and they also don’t require a college fund."

These extensions try to maintain the dark and sarcastic humor of the original joke, while adding a layer of awareness or commentary on real-world issues related to child-rearing, marriage, and societal pressures. The key is to keep the unexpected twist and the sense of flippant disregard for the seriousness of the topic.