When the police find him at the scene of the crime, he says that he did it because they all deserved to die. He is arrested, tried, found guilty, and sentenced to the electric chair.
On the day of execution, the lever is pulled, the chair zaps up, but the man is unharmed. Taking it as a sign that it is not the fitting punishment, the judge releases him.
A year later, he is back driving trains. He runs a train containing nuns and orphans off the track into the lake, ending the lives of everyone on board. When the police track him down, he again says they all deserved to die.
He is again arrested, tried, found guilty, and sentenced to the electric chair. This time, on the day of execution, the judge wants to do things right, so all the power from the prison is routed into the chair. The switch is thrown, the prison goes dark, but the man is unharmed.
Seeing it again as providence, the judge releases the man.
A year later, he has found yet another job driving trains. He runs a train carrying nuns, orphans, and kittens into a lake, ending the lives of everyone on board. Again, when questioned, he says they all deserved to die, especially the kittens.
He is arrested for a third time, tried, found guilty, and again sentenced to the electric chair. This time, the judge is taking no chances and routes the surrounding power grid through the chair. The switch is thrown, a tri county area goes dark, but the man survives.
As he steps from the chair, slightly singed, reporters close in.
'Sir, please tell us, why do you keep running trains into the lake and how have you continued to survive your punishment?'
'My friend, the answer is the same and simple. I'm merely a bad conductor.'
Credit to my Physics professor.
Joke Poo: The Bee Keeper
One day, out of the blue, a new beekeeper opens all his hives and releases millions of bees into the town square, causing widespread panic and stinging everyone in sight.
When the police find him amidst the chaos, covered in stings, he says it was because they all deserved to be stung. He is arrested, tried, found guilty of public endangerment, and sentenced to community service – specifically, cleaning up the local park.
On his first day of community service, he is tasked with raking leaves. He gathers all the leaves into a giant pile, then sets it on fire, causing a massive bonfire that engulfs a nearby playground.
He is hauled back into court. This time, the judge is furious, meticulously examines the case, and, after much deliberation, sentences him to five years in prison.
A year later, he’s paroled for good behavior (the prison bees loved him). He immediately gets a job…as a florist. He arranges a beautiful bouquet for the mayor, but each flower is cleverly coated in a potent bee pheromone. The mayor’s office is swarmed, chaos ensues, and the beekeeper is found chuckling amidst the stinging frenzy. He claims they all deserved it.
Again arrested, tried, found guilty, and this time, sentenced to life in solitary confinement. The judge is taking no chances. The solitary cell is reinforced steel, hermetically sealed.
As they drag him to his cell, reporters clamor for an explanation.
“Sir! Why do you keep unleashing bees and causing mayhem? How can you justify this?”
He smiles serenely, pushes back his beekeeping veil and says, “Well, I’m just good at raising the stakes.”
Okay, let’s break down this dark, yet ultimately pun-based, joke.
Core Elements:
- Premise: A train driver repeatedly causes mass death by derailing trains into a lake. His justification is always that the victims deserved it.
- Escalation: Each iteration adds more sympathetic victims (nuns, orphans, kittens) to amplify the horror/absurdity.
- Pun: The “bad conductor” punchline relies on the double meaning of “conductor” – a train employee and a material’s ability to conduct electricity.
- Irony/Incongruity: The utter lack of remorse contrasts sharply with the repeated failures of the electric chair, leading to the man’s inexplicable survival.
- Dark Humor: The joke thrives on the contrast between the horrific acts and the lighthearted pun.
Now, let’s craft something new using these elements:
Tidbit-Inspired Joke/Observation:
- Tidbit 1: Did you know the electric chair was originally conceived as a humane alternative to hanging? It was supposed to be quicker and less painful. Ironically, its effectiveness can be unpredictable, and botched executions have occurred.
- Tidbit 2: The earliest trains had conductors.
New Joke:
Why did the lawyer refuse to defend the perpetually derailing train driver?
Because he couldn’t argue with a straight face that his client was innocent. He argued the train driver was simply a bad conductor, but the jury was left in the dark after the third power failure from the electric chair execution attempt. The lawyer quit after realizing the only thing he could do at this point was advise his client to “conduct himself” with more discretion.
The judge gave the conductor a stern look “I am really railing on you here…”