Back in the Soviet era, the Kiwis military got a telex from the Soviet Antiartic base. "We've been granted a weekend of Shore Leave for 10 of us in Aukland for next week. We are requesting 25 dozen condoms size 12" long by 8" girth." The Kiwis replied. "No problem. We have lots of medium-sized condoms in stock."
Joke Poo: Silicon Valley Stock
Original Joke:
Back in the Soviet era, the Kiwis military got a telex from the Soviet Antiartic base. “We’ve been granted a weekend of Shore Leave for 10 of us in Aukland for next week. We are requesting 25 dozen condoms size 12″ long by 8″ girth.” The Kiwis replied. “No problem. We have lots of medium-sized condoms in stock.”
Joke Poo:
Fresh from a Series A funding round, a small AI startup in Silicon Valley received an email from their new, extremely demanding, VC investor. “We’ve secured you a partnership with a major tech company to showcase your AI’s capabilities. They are sending over 10 engineers next week for a hackathon. We need 25 dozen GPUs, spec’d with 80 GB of VRAM and 1200 Tensor Cores per card.” The startup’s CTO replied, “No problem. We’ve got plenty of our ‘cloud credits’ in stock.”
Alright, let’s analyze this joke.
Core Elements of the Joke:
- Setting: Soviet era and involves military personnel from the Soviet Antarctic base visiting Auckland, New Zealand (Kiwis). This creates an immediate clash of cultures and expectations.
- Premise: The Soviets make an outlandish request for an enormous quantity and size of condoms. The exaggeration is the initial humorous element.
- Punchline: The Kiwis’ response, offering “medium-sized” condoms, is the core joke. It’s funny because:
- It’s a sarcastic understatement, implying the Soviets are exaggerating or lying about their sizes.
- It plays on cultural differences and potential perceptions of masculinity.
- It’s a dry, understated response that contrasts sharply with the Soviets’ overt request.
Interesting Tidbits to Fuel New Humor:
- Soviet Antarctic Bases: These bases were (and still are, in a smaller capacity) hubs for scientific research, but also locations that were somewhat isolated, leading to interesting social dynamics and sometimes, a yearning for interaction with the outside world.
- Kiwis’ Dry Humor: New Zealanders are often known for their dry wit and understated humor, which fits perfectly with the punchline.
- Condom Sizes: Standard condom sizes vary, but 12″ long by 8″ girth would be…well, exceptionally large. This highlights the absurdity of the Soviet request.
New Humor Pieces:
1. A “Did You Know” Style Observation:
Did you know that during the Cold War, the New Zealand government quietly stockpiled industrial-grade rubber piping? Officially, it was for national infrastructure. Unofficially, they were hedging their bets against future Soviet Antarctic delegations with… optimistic measurements.
2. A Short Imagined Telex Exchange (expanding on the joke):
Soviets (Telex): “Follow-up request: We require a lubricant effective in sub-zero temperatures, preferably with a penguin-shaped applicator.”
Kiwis (Telex): “Understood. We’re sending over a jar of lanolin and a flightless bird figurine. Consider it a ‘down under’ survival kit.”
3. A Joke riffing on the original:
A Soviet diplomat complained to his Kiwi counterpart, “Your condoms are too small! They’re an insult to the Motherland!”
The Kiwi replied, “Well, mate, maybe your Motherland is just a little… compact.”
4. Combining History and the Joke:
Why did the Soviets ask for so many condoms on their shore leave? Because they heard New Zealand had a population of 3 million, and they were determined to lower the median age. The Kiwis, however, remained unimpressed and suggested they start with a larger map for their “special operations”.
Explanation of the Enrichment:
Each of these takes the core elements of the original joke (Soviet/Kiwi interaction, exaggerated condom request, understated Kiwi response) and adds another layer of humor by:
- Exaggerating further: The “penguin-shaped applicator” and “industrial-grade piping” are absurd extensions of the original premise.
- Incorporating cultural stereotypes: The Kiwi’s dry wit and the Soviet’s…let’s call it enthusiasm are played up.
- Adding historical context: The Cold War tension and the Soviet Antarctic program provide a backdrop for the humor.
- Using puns and wordplay: The “down under” survival kit and the “Motherland” compact comment add a layer of playful wit.