He figures the best way to investigate this was by going undercover as an orderly, to get a feel of how things are run and how the residents/inmates are being treated.
After being hired and sitting through a lengthy orientation, during lunch he decides to take a walk around the rather large building, check out the grounds and maybe interact with some of the patients. No better way to find out how they are being treated than to ask them in person.
As he leaves the front door and turns right, he sees beautiful lawns, statues, benches, flowers and all manner of calming and peaceful scenery, but no people. "Hmmm", he thinks. "Strange that such a beautiful setting has so few people enjoying it. Maybe because it's lunch time?"
So he wanders along and turns the corner at the end of the building and sees an even larger lawn area and a patient standing there with a baseball bat. 'Well, THIS can't be good!" he thinks. While he was watching, the patient walks down to the next corner of the building and picks up a baseball, turns around, tosses the ball up in the air and, with a mighty swing, hits the ball all the way to where the investigator is standing.
Still confused, the investigator stands back to see what will happen next and the patient walks all the way back, ignores the investigator, picks up the ball, tosses it and BAM! Hits the ball with another mighty swing back the way he came from.
The investigator watches this happen a few times and decides that since the patient doesn't seem dangerous and is only hitting a baseball with his bat, maybe he can find out what is going on here.
He asks the patient, "Excuse me, but I see you hitting that ball all the way down to that corner, go and pick it up, turn around and hit it back. And you have been doing this for awhile, what's the story?"
The patient finally looks at the investigator and says, "Well, you see, I am BABE RUTH! and one of these days I'm going to hit a home run and I am going to GET OUT OF HIS PLACE!!"
"Well, okay, good for you." says the investigator, while thinking "it IS an insane asylum after all" and giving the patient a wide berth (the guy does have a bat), hurries down to the end of the building and turns the corner.
There he sees another patient. This time holding a golf club. As he is watching, the patient strolls down to the opposite corner, picks up a golf ball, tees it up, takes a mighty swing and SMACK! Sends the golf ball soaring towards the investigator standing at the corner of the building. The patient stoops down, picks up his tee and walks over to get his golf ball, sitting very close to the investigators feet.
All the while ignoring the investigator, the patient picks up his ball, tees it up, takes a mighty swing and hits the ball to the far corner. And then goes down to send it back.
After watching this for a few minutes, the investigator thinks, "I have to find out what is going on here" and gets the patients attention the next time the golf ball is near by.
"Excuse me," he says, "But I see you have been hitting that golf ball back and forth along the building here for awhile now. May I ask what's going on?"
"Well you see", says the patient, "I am ARNOLD PALMER! and one of these days I'm going to make a hole-in-one and I am going to GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!"
"Okay, good for you!", says the investigator as he edges past the golfing patient to make the turn at the next corner.
Here, he comes upon a scene that he can't make any sense of at all. There is a patient, naked as the day he was born, down on his hands and knees, poking a walnut with his most private part. Poke, poke, poke.
The naked patient pokes that walnut all the way down the side of the building, turns around and 'poke, poke, poke', pokes it al the way back.
The investigator is truly confuse now. He could just about understand the baseball/Babe Ruth plan, at least as far as an inmate at a psychiatric hospital might come up with, or even the golf ball/Arnold Palmer thinking. But he has no idea what is going on here, he just HAS to ask.
"Excuse me", says the investigator, "But I see you pushing that walnut, back and forth, along side of the building here. You poke it down one way, then poke it back the other and you have been at it for a while now. May I ask what's going on?"
"Well", says the naked patient, "you see, I'm fucking nuts and I AM NEVER GETTING OUT OF HERE!!"
Joke Poo: The Tech Support Farm
An efficiency expert from a major software company’s customer service division got a report that there were… unique challenges at their rural outsourced tech support farm. He figured the best way to understand this was by going undercover as a new recruit, to get a feel for how things were run and how the agents were… handling customer requests.
After being hired and sitting through a bizarrely philosophical orientation, during lunch he decides to take a walk around the rather large property, check out the fields and maybe interact with some of the seasoned support staff. No better way to find out how they are being trained than to observe them in action.
As he leaves the main barn and turns left, he sees rows upon rows of server racks humming gently amidst fields of corn, solar panels glinting in the sun, and the faint sound of dial-up modems in the distance. “Hmmm,” he thinks. “Strange that such a technologically advanced operation has such a… pastoral ambiance. Maybe it’s for employee wellness?”
So he wanders along and turns the corner at the end of the barn and sees an even larger cornfield and a support agent standing there with a rubber chicken. “Well, THIS can’t be standard procedure!” he thinks. While he was watching, the agent walks down to the next row, squawks loudly at the chicken, then turns around, flails the chicken wildly in the air, and “Bok! Bok! Bok!” throws the chicken all the way to where the investigator is standing.
Still confused, the investigator stands back to see what will happen next, and the agent walks all the way back, ignores the investigator, picks up the chicken, squawks at it again, and BAM! Throws the chicken with another mighty fling back the way he came from.
The investigator watches this happen a few times and decides that since the agent doesn’t seem dangerous and is only throwing a rubber chicken, maybe he can find out what is going on here.
He asks the agent, “Excuse me, but I see you throwing that chicken all the way down to that row, go and pick it up, turn around and throw it back. And you have been doing this for awhile, what’s the story?”
The agent finally looks at the investigator and says, “Well, you see, I’m trying to reproduce the sound of a failing printer. Corporate said I need to ‘really connect with the hardware’, and one of these days I’m going to get it just right, the support ticket will close and I am going to GET THAT PROMOTION!!”
“Well, okay, good for you,” says the investigator, while thinking “It IS a tech support farm after all” and giving the agent a wide berth (the guy does have a chicken), hurries down to the end of the barn and turns the corner.
There he sees another agent. This time wearing a tinfoil hat and holding a colander over his head. As he is watching, the agent strolls down to the opposite row, picks up a handful of dirt, throws it into the colander, shakes it vigorously while making static noises, and then shouts at the top of his lungs “DID YOU TRY RESTARTING?” and sends the dirt flying into the air. The agent stoops down, picks up more dirt and walks over to get his colander, sitting very close to the investigator’s feet.
All the while ignoring the investigator, the agent puts the dirt in the colander, shakes it, shouts, and then sends the dirt flying.
After watching this for a few minutes, the investigator thinks, “I have to find out what is going on here” and gets the agent’s attention the next time dirt is flying nearby.
“Excuse me,” he says, “But I see you have been shaking that dirt in that colander, and then yelling “Did you try restarting” back and forth along the cornfield here for awhile now. May I ask what’s going on?”
“Well you see,” says the agent, “I’m trying to debug a network connection issue. Corporate said I need to ‘channel the user’s frustration’, and one of these days I’m going to fix the problem, the ticket will close and I AM GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!”
“Okay, good for you!”, says the investigator as he edges past the tinfoil-hatted agent to make the turn at the next corner.
Here, he comes upon a scene that he can’t make any sense of at all. There is an agent, wearing nothing but a pair of ill-fitting socks, down on his hands and knees, repeatedly headbutting a potato connected to a laptop with a USB cable. Headbutt, headbutt, headbutt.
The naked-ish agent headbutts the potato all the way down the side of the barn, turns around and ‘headbutt, headbutt, headbutt’, headbutts it all the way back.
The investigator is truly confused now. He could just about understand the chicken/printer thing, at least as far as a rural tech support farm employee might come up with, or even the dirt/restarting thinking. But he has no idea what is going on here, he just HAS to ask.
“Excuse me,” says the investigator, “But I see you headbutting that potato, back and forth, along the side of the barn here. You headbutt it one way, then headbutt it back the other and you have been at it for a while now. May I ask what’s going on?”
“Well,” says the naked-ish agent, “I’m trying to upgrade the firmware, Corporate said “I have to be one with the technology”. It has a known bug and I CAN’T SEEM TO APPLY A PATCH!!!!”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and then give it a comedic upgrade!
Joke Analysis:
- Setup: An investigator goes undercover in an insane asylum to uncover potential abuse. He observes bizarre behavior from three patients.
- Punchline 1 & 2: The first two patients believe they are famous sports figures (Babe Ruth and Arnold Palmer) and that their athletic prowess will somehow liberate them. The humor here comes from the delusion and misplaced confidence.
- Punchline 3: The third patient is naked and using his genitals to move a walnut. His explanation is that he is nuts and will never leave. This is a dark, self-aware punchline that subverts the hopefulness (however delusional) of the first two. The humor also comes from the absurdity of the action.
- Key Elements:
- Insane Asylum Setting
- Delusion/Misidentification
- Absurd Behavior
- The investigator as a straight-man/audience surrogate
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s focus on the “insane asylum” and “delusion” aspects and bring in a factual tidbit to create a new joke.
Factual Tidbit: One of the most common types of delusion documented is “Grandiose Delusions” where a person has an inflated sense of their own importance, power, knowledge, or identity. These are common symptoms of conditions like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and delusional disorder.
New Joke:
An undercover investigator at the state psychiatric hospital was making his rounds. He met three patients with clear signs of grandiose delusions.
The first one was wearing a tinfoil crown and declared, “I am the Emperor of Belgium, and soon I shall reclaim my throne!”
The second was meticulously drawing blueprints on the wall with crayon. “I am,” he proclaimed, “the greatest architect of our time! I’m designing a utopia made entirely of marshmallows!”
The investigator, feeling slightly overwhelmed, approached the third patient, who was sitting quietly in the corner, meticulously counting grains of sand. “And what about you?” the investigator asked tentatively, “Who are you?”
The patient looked up, sighed dramatically, and said, “I’m the sane one. And my delusion is that I’m getting out of this place.”
Explanation of Changes/Enhancements:
- Builds on the original theme: Continues the “insane asylum” and “delusional patient” premise.
- Adds Variety: The “Emperor of Belgium” and “Marshmallow architect” create more vivid and unique delusional scenarios. The original joke used the same structure twice and can come across as repetitive.
- Subverts Expectation (again): The final patient’s “delusion” is that he’s sane and can leave, creating a twist on the grandiose delusions. This adds another layer of dark humor, much like the original.
- Highlights Delusion Type (Grandiose): The “Emperor” and “Architect” delusions are textbook examples of grandiose delusions.
Why this works:
The new joke still uses the core elements of the original but gives them a fresh spin. It maintains the element of surprise and absurdity while adding a touch of cleverness through the reference to a very common mental disorder. By leveraging a real psychological concept, it elevates the humor beyond just bizarre behavior and adds a layer of knowing irony.