A friend of mine told me this joke many many years ago in Sicily.
There was a small bar in a small town in Sicily where a few older men spent their day drinking wine and playing cards in the back room. They had the terrible habit of spitting on the floor whenever they lost a game. So over the years, the back room floor became this sticky smelly mess that no one could or wanted to clean anymore.
Tired of it, the owner put up a sign looking for someone to come and clean his back room. Many stopped by, but as soon as they saw the room, they ran away disgusted.
Then one day, an old man stopped by and looked at the room. He told the owner that he would be able to clean it, and it would not cost him much, as long as he could close the door and not have anyone look at the kind of work that he would do.
So, the following morning, the old man showed up with a large white bag and told the owner that he was ready to start. He closed the door behind himself and got to work. To be honest, the owner was both intrigued and perplexed.
After about 4 hours, the old man emerged opening the door and asked the owner to take a look. The floor was spotless. It probably had never been that clean.
The old man got paid as agreed, and while he was leaving, the owner noticed that a small corner in the room had not been cleaned. So he asked the old man, why that little corner was still dirty.
The old man replied, "I'm sorry, but I ran out of bread".
Joke Poo: The Librarian and the Lost Chapters
There was a grand old library in a sleepy town, where a group of eccentric scholars spent their days poring over ancient texts in the rarely used manuscript room. They had the terrible habit of tearing pages out of the books whenever they disagreed with the author’s claims. Over the years, the manuscript room floor became a veritable blizzard of ripped paper fragments, a papery mess that the librarian despaired of ever cleaning.
Tired of it, the librarian put up a sign looking for someone to come and clear the room. Many archivists and cleaners stopped by, but as soon as they saw the room filled with shredded history, they recoiled in horror and fled.
Then one day, a peculiar-looking fellow, wearing spectacles perched precariously on his nose, stopped by and inspected the room. He told the librarian that he would be able to restore it to its former glory, and it wouldn’t cost much, as long as he could close the door and not have anyone observe the process. He insisted on absolute privacy.
So, the following morning, the fellow arrived with a large wheelbarrow filled with… glue. He told the librarian that he was ready to begin. He shut the door firmly behind himself and got to work. The librarian was intensely curious, a swirling vortex of anxiety and anticipation.
After about 4 hours, the fellow emerged, looking utterly exhausted, and gestured for the librarian to enter. The floor was immaculate! Every single scrap of paper was gone! The room was eerily pristine.
The fellow got paid as agreed, and while he was leaving, the librarian noticed a single, lone, slightly crumpled page sitting on a desk. Curiosity piqued, the librarian picked it up and read: “Chapter 1.” He ran after the fellow.
“Excuse me,” he said, holding up the page. “Why is this chapter left over?”
The fellow sighed, adjusted his spectacles, and said, “I’m afraid… that’s the preface. I needed something to start with.”
Alright, let’s break down this Sicilian spittoon saga.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: Establishes a disgusting, long-standing problem in a rural Sicilian bar: a back room floor covered in decades of spittle due to gambling losers. The description is key – the more vivid the disgust, the better.
- Conflict: The bar owner desperately seeks someone to clean the impossible mess, but everyone is repulsed.
- Intrigue: An old man appears, confident he can clean it, but insists on secrecy. This creates suspense and curiosity.
- Resolution: The old man magically cleans the floor, leaving it spotless. This is the “punch” setup.
- Punchline: The final corner remains dirty, and the explanation, “I ran out of bread,” reveals the absurdity and the method: he was soaking up the spittle with bread. The humor relies on the unexpected, grotesque solution, and the understatement.
Key Elements:
- Setting: Rural Sicily, a small-town bar, evoking images of old-world traditions and (perhaps) a simpler time, juxtaposed with the appalling practice of spitting.
- Characters: The desperate bar owner, the mysterious and resourceful old man, the disgusting gamblers.
- Gross-out Humor: The core of the joke. The visceral description of the spittle floor.
- Understatement: The old man’s calm explanation hides the horrifying reality of his cleaning method.
- Surprise: The final reveal is the unexpected kicker.
Comedic Enrichment:
Now, let’s take these elements and craft something new:
A Witty Observation (Playing on Sicilian Food & the Joke):
“You know, the joke says the guy used bread to clean the spittle. But given Sicilian cuisine, I suspect the gamblers were spitting up some delicious stuff. Maybe he should have started with arancini… crispy outside, absorbent rice inside, perfect for mopping up a rogue Lambrusco explosion.”
Why it works: It incorporates Sicilian food culture (arancini), plays on the gross-out factor by implying the spittle might have tasted good, and adds a layer of humor by suggesting a better (albeit still disgusting) cleaning tool.