If I ever start drinking again,

Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” based on your original:

Title: Joke Poo: The Lactose Tolerance Test

If I ever start eating a lot of ice cream again, I’m going to claim to be descended from Vikings. You never see a “Lactose Intolerant Memorial” on the side of the road.

Alright, let’s break down this joke and then build something new from its parts.

Joke Dissection:

• Premise: The joke’s premise is a recovering alcoholic considering restarting drinking.
• Twist: The twist is the reason for choosing Judaism as a new faith, which has nothing to do with spirituality but everything to do with avoiding drunk driving fatalities.
• Punchline: “You never see a Star of David memorial on the side of the road.” This is the punchline because it’s the unexpected and darkly humorous justification.
• Humor Source: The humor comes from the incongruity. Religion is usually associated with faith, morality, and a higher purpose. Here, it’s being treated as a shield against drunk driving consequences, highlighting the speaker’s (presumably self-deprecating) awareness of their potential for reckless behavior.
• Underlying Assumption: There’s an underlying assumption that Star of David memorials are less common than crosses (implying fewer Jewish drunk driving fatalities). This might be statistically true (or not – we’ll get to that!).

Key Elements to Play With:

• Alcoholism/Relapse
• Religion (specifically Judaism and the Star of David)
• Memorials on roadsides
• Drunk Driving

Comedic Enrichment & New Joke Creation:

Okay, let’s focus on the underlying assumption and the statistical likelihood. Time for some darkly humorous education!

Did You Know?

While the joke hinges on the idea of fewer Star of David memorials, reliable statistics on roadside memorial religions are, unsurprisingly, incredibly hard to come by. However, studies have shown correlations between specific demographics and drunk driving. For example…

• New Joke: I told my therapist the reason I was considering converting to Judaism was a lack of Star of David roadside memorials. She countered that I should consider moving to Utah. Apparently, fewer people drive drunk there, which explains why she’s Mormon
• New Joke: What’s the best way to never wind up next to a roadside memorial? Marry a Jewish woman. The stereotype that all Jewish mothers are nagging, is a good deterrent to being drunk when driving with her.

Witty Observation:

The real joke isn’t about Judaism; it’s about the terrifying calculus of addiction. It’s about someone weighing the risks and rewards of relapse, and finding a darkly humorous loophole in their warped logic. A more accurate but less funny version would be: “If I ever start drinking again, I’m going to buy a Volvo and move to a gated community – statistically safer.”

Amusing Tidbit:

Fun fact: Many countries have banned or severely restricted roadside memorials due to safety concerns. Turns out, people rubbernecking at a poignant reminder of someone’s demise can, ironically, cause more accidents. So, perhaps the best anti-drunk driving strategy isn’t religious conversion, but lobbying for stricter memorial regulations! That way, nobody gets a roadside tribute, and we’re all statistically safer… if slightly less emotionally fulfilled.