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An ICE agent wakes up early…

Posted on August 12, 2025 by Joke Poo

He's getting dressed for work with his khaki pants, black shirt, vest, and mask when his wife wakes up and asks. "Why are you leaving so early?"

He says, "I just want to beat the crowd!"

Okay, here’s a new joke titled “Joke Poo” riffing on the ICE agent joke:

Joke Poo: A Sanitation Worker Wakes Up Early

A sanitation worker wakes up extra early…

He’s getting dressed in his bright orange jumpsuit, gloves, and boots when his wife wakes up and asks, “Honey, why are you leaving so early today?”

He replies, “I heard they’re having a free-for-all!”

Alright, let’s dive into this joke and see what we can mine for comedic gold.

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: An ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agent is preparing for work unusually early. This immediately establishes a certain political context and possible expectation of conflict.
  • Punchline: “I just want to beat the crowd!” The humor derives from the double meaning of “crowd.” On one level, it could simply mean getting to work before other agents. However, the implicit meaning, given the nature of ICE’s work, suggests he wants to get to locations where he might apprehend undocumented immigrants before they become aware of his presence or before other ICE agents arrive. This creates a dark, ironic twist.
  • Key Elements:
    • ICE (political implications)
    • Early morning/urgency
    • “Crowd” (double meaning)
    • Ironic understatement

Comedic Enrichment & New Jokes:

Here are a few approaches playing off these elements:

1. Fact-Based Wit (Playing on ICE’s history/statistics):

“Did you know that despite what my ICE agent neighbor says, his ‘beating the crowd’ isn’t actually decreasing deportation rates? Last year, deportations were down 30% since pre-pandemic levels. Maybe he’s just really committed to getting the early bird special at the detention center cafeteria.”

(Rationale: This uses a real statistic to subvert the agent’s implied goal. It adds an element of absurdity by contrasting his urgency with the actual trend.)

2. Alternative Punchline (Expanding on the “crowd” concept):

“An ICE agent wakes up early and is getting dressed for work. His wife asks, ‘Why are you leaving so early?’ He replies, ‘I hear they’re giving away free green cards at the border, and you know how those things can attract a crowd!'”

(Rationale: This twists the original joke by suggesting that ICE agents are somehow complicit or involved in a scenario that would attract immigrants, again playing on the absurdity.)

3. Dark Humor (Exploiting the inherent tension):

“An ICE agent wakes up before dawn, eager to ‘beat the crowd.’ His wife groans, ‘Honey, you’re off today. Just go back to sleep and dream of paperwork.'”

(Rationale: This underscores the slightly morbid and possibly stressful nature of the agent’s occupation.)

4. Joke Structure:

A man sees an ICE agent walking around with a bucket of water. “What are you doing?” he asks.
The ICE agent says “beating the crowd”
The man responds, “but the ‘crowd’ is up the street”
The ICE agent responds, “I know, I’m watering them down, so there are less”

(Rationale: This joke highlights the dark humor inherent to the situation, using the double entendre of the “crowd” and watering people down)

General Comedic Approaches:

  • Exaggeration: Exaggerate the agent’s eagerness or the perceived danger of the “crowd.”
  • Misdirection: Lead the audience to expect one thing and then deliver something unexpected.
  • Political Commentary: Make subtle political points by contrasting the agent’s actions with real-world events or policies. Be careful with this, as it can easily become heavy-handed.
  • Ironic Observation: Highlight the inherent irony of a situation (e.g., the agent’s early start is actually hindering efficiency due to lack of backup).

The key is to either enhance the existing layers of meaning or subvert them in a surprising, yet logically connected, way. Good luck!

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