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Division of labour in the Army

Posted on August 13, 2025 by Joke Poo

Three officers had a discussion in the mess tent. The captain said: Making love to the wife is fifty percent pleasure, fifty percent work. To which the major responded: I'd say it's more 70/30. The colonel pondered a bit and then said: Personally it's more 90 percent work…
…But let's settle this by asking one of the men.

Private Bean, who was serving the officers, got the question.

It must be 100 percent pleasure, He responded. Because if there had been any amount of work involved, you'd have one of us privates do it.

Joke Poo: Division of Labour in the Wizarding World

Three wizards were debating in Dumbledore’s office. The Potions Master Snape sneered, “Brewing a complex potion is fifty percent art, fifty percent tedious ingredient preparation.” The Headmaster Dumbledore twinkled, “I’d argue it’s closer to 70% research and 30% actual brewing.” The Minister for Magic Fudge puffed out his chest and declared, “For me, it’s 90% paperwork, ugh…”

“…But let’s resolve this definitively by consulting someone with hands-on experience.”

They summoned Neville Longbottom, who was tending to Professor Sprout’s herbology greenhouse outside. “Neville,” asked Dumbledore, “What percentage of potion-making do you think is work?”

Neville, covered in dirt and holding a Mandrake, replied, “One hundred percent pleasure, sir. Because if there was any work involved, you’d have house-elves do it.”

Alright, let’s analyze this joke and see what comedic nuggets we can extract and amplify.

Joke Dissection:

  • Core Concept: The joke hinges on the military hierarchy and the division of labor, specifically highlighting the avoidance of unpleasant tasks by higher-ranking officers, delegating them to lower ranks. It uses the analogy of “making love to the wife” as a task to be divided/avoided.
  • Setup: Establishes the rank structure (Captain, Major, Colonel) and their different perspectives on the pleasure/work ratio of the chosen analogy. This builds anticipation and sets the stage for the punchline.
  • Punchline: Private Bean’s response (“100 percent pleasure… you’d have one of us privates do it.”) provides the comedic payoff by sharply contrasting with the officers’ perceived struggle and highlighting the expectation of lower ranks to perform undesirable tasks. It’s a cynical but relatable observation about power dynamics.
  • Humor Type: Observational humor with elements of satire and irony. It’s funny because it plays on commonly held (though potentially exaggerated) stereotypes about military leadership and the experiences of enlisted personnel.

Key Elements to Exploit:

  • Military hierarchy
  • Division of labor/delegation
  • Pleasure vs. Work ratio
  • Private Bean’s perspective as the lowest rank

New Comedic Enrichment Ideas:

1. “Did You Know?” – Military Edition:

“Did you know that the term ‘brass’ for high-ranking military officers comes from the days when their uniform buttons and insignia were made of polished brass? In a modern twist, some argue that the brass is less about the buttons and more about their ability to ‘button down’ any responsibility onto the enlisted ranks. Perhaps that’s why Private Bean was so eager to delegate the pleasure aspect of marital duties – a true testament to inter-rank cooperation!”

2. A New Joke (playing on historical military innovation):

A military historian is giving a lecture: “Throughout history, the greatest innovations in military strategy have all stemmed from one core principle: figuring out ways to get someone else to do the hard part. Take the trench warfare of WWI – ingenious! Or the invention of the self-propelled artillery. Think of the drone. The ultimate goal: No soldiers at all. Just machines that do all the dirty work… and still find time to write reports about how difficult their deployment has been while not experiencing any of the rewards.”

3. Witty Observation:

“It’s said that military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. But perhaps the real intelligence lies in the officers’ cunning ability to re-allocate all tasks, difficult or enjoyable, to the poor privates, with impeccable record-keeping.”

4. A Modern Take:

Colonel: “Okay people, we’re having a problem with drone piloting. The pilots report it’s 95% tedious surveillance and 5% potential lethal action.”

Major: “Sounds like a problem. Maybe we can up the excitement with some simulations?”

Captain: “Or maybe we can start paying them danger pay for sitting in a box 7000 miles away.”

Private: “Why don’t you automate that stuff, train AI, and let people get back to enjoying the rewards.”

Colonel: “Private! How would that solve anything?”

Private: “Now you just have to find another use for a private to do the rewards for you.”

Explanation of Choices:

  • The “Did You Know?” uses a factual tidbit (the origin of “brass”) to set up a humorous jab at the officer/enlisted dynamic.
  • The new joke escalates the division of labor concept to a historical perspective, implying a long-standing trend in military strategy.
  • The witty observation is a quick, sardonic comment on the perceived “intelligence” of officers.
  • The modern take uses emerging technology to make the same division of labour joke applicable in 2024.

These enrichments all take the core themes of the original joke and expand on them in various ways, using factual information, historical context, or exaggerated scenarios to create further comedic effect. The goal is to enhance the original joke’s impact and relevance by building upon its foundation.

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