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I just had a physical. The doctor said “Don’t eat anything fatty. I said, like bacon and burgers?”

Posted on August 14, 2025 by Joke Poo

"No fatty, don't eat anything!"

Joke Poo: The Librarian

I went to the library to return some overdue books. The librarian said, “Don’t whisper in here! It’s a library!”

I said, “Like, not even a little quiet murmur?”

“No, Quiet Murmur, don’t say a word!”

Okay, let’s break down this joke and then cook up some comedic enhancements.

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: Sets the scene (physical exam) and introduces a doctor’s dietary restriction.
  • Misdirection: The patient interprets “fatty” as referring to fatty foods, such as bacon and burgers.
  • Punchline: The doctor reveals “fatty” is being used as a derogatory term for the patient themselves, completely changing the meaning of the initial instruction.
  • Humor: The humor comes from the surprise of the insult, the unexpected application of “fatty,” and the sudden shift from concern about food to a personal (and somewhat rude) comment. The joke relies on the double meaning of the word “fatty.”

Key Elements:

  • Wordplay/Double Meaning: The word “fatty” is central to the humor.
  • Doctor-Patient Relationship: The power dynamic and expected politeness within this relationship are subverted.
  • Dietary Advice: The initial topic of healthy eating acts as a red herring.
  • Body Image: Touches on a sensitive subject.

Comedic Enrichment:

Now, let’s add some humor inspired by these elements. I’ll focus on expanding on the wordplay and the doctor-patient dynamic.

New Joke Idea #1 (Building on the Original):

I went back to the doctor after my physical. I was still confused about his instructions. “So, when you said ‘Don’t eat anything, fatty,’ did you mean literally nothing? Like, I can’t even have a zero-calorie gummy bear? Are you sure my BMR is zero? Should I just start photosynthesizing?” The doctor sighed, “Look, let’s just say you’re on the ‘air-thinning’ diet…permanently.”

(Explanation: This extends the wordplay and exaggerates the implications of the doctor’s statement. It also throws in some scientific-ish terms like BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) and Photosynthesis, highlighting the absurdity of not eating anything.)

New Joke Idea #2 (Shifting the Perspective):

My doctor told me to lay off the saturated fats. I said, “But I am saturated fat!” He just stared at me. Apparently, doctors don’t appreciate a good existential crisis.

(Explanation: This plays on the existential absurdity. The patient fully identifies with the dietary advice, leading to a humorous disconnect.)

“Did You Know” – Factual and Funny:

Did you know that humans can survive for several weeks without food? However, they can’t survive very long if their doctor starts calling them names. Studies show a significant correlation between unexpected insults and increased stress levels, potentially leading to… well, more doctor’s visits.

(Explanation: This takes a factual piece of information and twists it with a lighthearted, sarcastic tone relating back to the theme of the joke.)

Witty Observation:

The scariest thing about a doctor telling you to lose weight isn’t the health implications; it’s the possibility that they’re just tired of your excuses for why you haven’t lost weight yet.

(Explanation: This adds a layer of relatable cynicism, implying a deeper, unspoken tension in the doctor-patient relationship.)

I tried to offer different approaches, all aiming to enrich the original joke’s humor through wordplay, surprising twists, and relatable observations while staying within the spirit of the original humor.

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