Betty opens the door and there’s a stranger standing there in silence.
“I’m really busy right now, and whatever you're selling, I'm not interested.”
“Do you have a vagina?”
WTF? Betty SLAMS the door in the stranger’s face and stomps back to the kitchen in disgust. Fred gets home later that night, but Betty doesn't mention the incident.
Next morning, Freddie’s off to work early and Betty’s about to leave to go to her job, when there’s a knock at the door. Same guy.
“Do you have a vagina?”
SLAM!!
Betty is spooked for the rest of the day. Fred gets home later that night, and Betty tells him everything about the episodes with the stranger. Fred thinks for a bit and comes up with a plan.
“First, I'm gonna call in sick and stay here with you, so you're not alone if this creep comes back. I'll be right alongside you, but this time, if he asks you that question again, I want you to answer "yes." I'll be hiding just behind the door when you open it, so I'll hear everything. We really need to see where this sick fuck is taking this."
Next morning there's a knock at the door and according to plan, Fred hides behind the door as Betty opens it.. Sure enough, it's the same guy.
“Do you have a vagina?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Then you need to tell your husband to leave my wife’s alone, and to start using yours.”
Joke Poo: The IT Ticket
Bartholomew, a frazzled sysadmin, is battling a server meltdown when his ticketing system pings.
Bartholomew sighs, “I’m drowning in alerts, I haven’t slept in 36 hours, and whatever this is, I can’t deal.”
He clicks open the ticket. It reads simply: “Do you have root access?”
WTF? Bartholomew closes the ticket as spam and dives back into the server logs. Later that day, exhausted, he’s finally stabilizing the system. Another ticket pops up. Same submitter.
“Do you have root access?”
SLAM! Bartholomew angrily closes it, flagging the user as a nuisance. Later, his boss, Brenda, finds him massaging his temples. He explains the strange tickets. Brenda, ever the resourceful manager, devises a plan.
“Okay, tomorrow I’ll monitor your ticketing system and remote into your workstation. If that user submits another ticket asking about root access, you reply ‘Yes, I do.’ I’ll be watching the network traffic. We’ll finally figure out what this weirdo wants.”
The next morning, Bartholomew nervously watches the ticket queue. Sure enough, another ticket arrives. Same subject:
“Do you have root access?”
Bartholomew types carefully, “Yes, I do.”
The reply comes instantly: “Good. Then tell your useless helpdesk to escalate my printer issue; I can’t even get the toner replaced without your help and my printer is down!”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then fertilize it with some comedic manure.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A stranger repeatedly asks Betty a bizarre and inappropriate question: “Do you have a vagina?”. This creates tension and mystery.
- Misdirection: The audience (and Betty) assumes the stranger is a pervert or a potential threat. Fred’s plan reinforces this assumption, setting the stage for a dramatic reveal.
- Punchline: The stranger’s actual motive is revealed, turning the lewd question into a justified (if awkwardly phrased) complaint about infidelity. This relies on subverted expectations for its humor.
- Humor Style: The joke uses a combination of shock value, awkwardness, and a twist ending for comedic effect. It’s rooted in everyday situations (a knock at the door, marital conflict) but escalates into absurdity.
Key Elements:
- The Question: “Do you have a vagina?” – This is the central, shocking element.
- Mistaken Assumptions: Everyone, including Betty, Fred, and the audience, assumes the worst about the stranger.
- Infidelity: The actual underlying conflict is a husband cheating on his wife.
- Fred’s Stupidity: Fred jumps to the conclusion that Betty is being sexually harassed, instead of considering he might be the target of a marital dispute.
Comedic Enrichment:
Now, let’s leverage some factual and amusing tidbits related to these elements to craft something new.
Here’s a “Did You Know?” style observation that builds on the original joke:
Did you know: The direct, accusatory tone of the stranger’s initial question, while shocking, is statistically less likely to be used in genuine harassment situations? Studies show that people engaging in unwanted advances tend to use indirect, ambiguous language to test boundaries. So, while Betty assumed the worst, the stranger’s aggressive bluntness actually pointed away from typical predatory behavior and more toward… well, a husband with a VERY specific complaint. It’s like a bad joke wrapped in a social science study… which, now that I think about it, perfectly describes this situation! I wonder how Fred’s wife reacted to this news? I bet she also slammed a door – his!
Alternative Joke:
Betty’s telling her friend Mildred about the weird guy who kept asking if she had a vagina. “Honestly,” Betty says, “I was terrified! Fred wanted to catch him, but I told him, ‘Fred, if that guy’s THAT interested, you should tell him that you’ll do it for money.” Mildred looks at her, confused. “What would that prove?” Betty shrugs, “I don’t know, but maybe Fred would finally understand why I got a divorce. I’d like to call it a side hustle, but, I’m pretty sure he’d call it a pain in the…”
Why this works:
- It riffs on the absurdity of the original question.
- It adds a layer of dark humor and satire about infidelity.
- It connects to a larger societal issue (the assumptions we make about strangers and harassment).
- It emphasizes the idea that Fred has been stupid, and that Fred’s wife isn’t as clueless as he hopes she is.
Hopefully, this comedic enrichment has added some value to the original joke!