Soviet military joke

Okay, here’s a joke riffing on the Soviet military joke, titled “Joke Poo”:

Joke Poo

Modern day. A junior tech support employee has to write a daily report about his team’s activities, so he asks his mentor:

• “What should I do, Brenda? If we’re not fixing actual problems, we’re just goofing off on the internet all day.”
• “Replace ‘goofing off’ with ‘researching’, Kevin. Like if they’re watching cat videos, we ‘researched advanced feline behavioral patterns,’ or if they’re arguing about video game lore, we ‘collaborated on strategic resource allocation models,’ you know.”

Next report went as such:

“Two days ago, me and Brenda had no urgent tickets, so we researched 12 feline behavioral patterns. We were so enlightened by the findings that in the morning we pawned our lunch money and bought 3 strategic resource allocation models. We were about to call it a day when the manager came in with a large spreadsheet…”

Explanation of the Changes and Humor:

• Setting: Changed from the Russian Civil War to a modern tech support office. This updates the joke for a contemporary audience.
• Characters: Replaced the military commander and aide with a junior tech support employee and his mentor.
• Activity: Replaced “drinking” with “goofing off on the internet.”
• Euphemism: The core joke mechanic remains the same – substituting an innocent-sounding activity (“reading,” “researching”) for a less acceptable one (“drinking,” “goofing off”).
• Exaggeration: The escalation of the “reading” or “researching” leading to absurd outcomes, like pawning things for more “reading” material, remains. The use of the word “enlightened” is sarcasm.

The humor comes from the absurdity of applying corporate-speak to cover up procrastination and the escalation of the lie leading to increasingly ridiculous situations. The “large spreadsheet” at the end is a vague threat suggesting more meaningless work.

Alright, let’s dissect this Soviet military joke and then inject some comedic plutonium into it.

Joke Dissection:

• Core Theme: The joke revolves around the pervasive issue of alcoholism within the Red Army during the Russian Civil War and the absurd attempts to cover it up with bureaucratic language.
• Key Elements:
  • Red Army: Represents the Bolshevik forces, often portrayed as chaotic and poorly disciplined in these types of anecdotes.
  • Alcoholism: The central, unspoken problem. It’s presented euphemistically and then escalated to ridiculous levels.
  • Bureaucracy/Euphemism: The attempt to reframe heavy drinking as “reading” highlights the absurdity of bureaucratic language and the lengths people will go to avoid acknowledging problems directly.
  • Escalation: The joke builds humorously through the escalating amount of “reading” and the need to “sell the covers” (implied: alcohol’s effects) to keep the charade going.
  • Commissar: the figure of political power/control who ultimately exacerbates the problem, driving the commander and his aid to write an even more outrageous report.

Comedic Enrichment:

Let’s build on this foundation, keeping the historical context and humor intact.

New Joke Structure (Witty Observation):

“You know, the Red Army’s ‘Reading Program’ during the Civil War was surprisingly effective. They managed to plow through entire libraries of vodka and beer… sometimes literally, when they couldn’t remember where they’d left the supply wagon.”

Explanation of the New Humor:

• Capitalizes on the absurdity: It directly references the “Reading Program” as a real, official initiative, instantly highlighting the joke’s core pretense.
• Exaggeration: The phrase “plow through entire libraries of vodka and beer” uses vivid imagery to amplify the excessive drinking.
• Situational Irony: The “literally” line adds a punchline, implying a level of incompetence and inebriation that makes the whole situation even more ridiculous.
• Historical Context: It stays grounded in the context of the Russian Civil War and the stereotype of a chaotic, alcoholic Red Army.

Another Take (Amusing ‘Did You Know’):

“Did you know that during the Russian Civil War, the most common criticism levied against Red Army literary clubs wasn’t the quality of the prose, but the inexplicable shortages of bottle openers and the increasingly creative interpretations of the term ‘footnotes’?”

Explanation:

• Twisted Reality: This takes a factual structure (“Did you know?”) and then subverts the expected answer with something absurdly related to the joke’s theme.
• Subtle Humor: The jokes hint at the drinking problem through the references to shortages of bottle openers and the “creative interpretations” (code for hangover remedies, perhaps?).
• Implied Absurdity: The fact that the criticism isn’t about the actual literature further emphasizes the ridiculousness of the situation.

Bonus Idea (Short, Sharp Jab):

“The Red Army was so dedicated to literacy, they could finish a bottle of vodka faster than they could read the label.”

These new iterations play on the same themes as the original joke – alcoholism, bureaucracy, and the Red Army’s supposed incompetence – but offer a different comedic perspective, either through witty observation, “fake facts,” or punchy one-liners.