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A greedy old business man was dying, so he called his priest, his lawyer, and his accountant to his bedside.

Posted on August 18, 2025 by Joke Poo

“They say you can’t take it with you, but I am certainly going to try” wheezed the business man. “When I die I want each of you to take one third of my money and throw it into my grave as they are burying me!” The three started to protest, but the business man stated “It’s my money and I will do what I want with it!” The three reluctantly agree.

 A few days later the man dies. At his funeral the priest, the lawyer, and the accountant do as directed and each throw in a bag of money into the grave just as the coffin is being buried. 

 After the funeral, they start talking as they walk back to their cars. “I have a confession to make” says the priest. “When I thought of all the poor that could be helped by that man’s money, I decided to take a portion of it and donate it to the orphanage.” 

 As long as we are confessing” says the lawyer, “I need an oceanside vacation home, so I too took a handful of that geezer’s cash to use as a down payment.”

 “Gentlemen, I am ashamed of both of you” replies the accountant. “I will have you know that I threw in a check for the full amount!”

Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo,” inspired by your provided joke:

Joke Poo: The Eco-Conscious Burial

A hyper-environmentally conscious CEO of a composting company was on his deathbed. He summoned his three top executives: his Head of Marketing, his Chief Operations Officer, and his Sustainability Director.

“They say you can’t take it with you,” he rasped, his voice weak, “but I’m determined to prove them wrong… sustainably! When I die, I want each of you to take a third of my specially processed, nutrient-rich organic compost and toss it into my grave as I’m being lowered. It’s the ultimate act of returning to the earth!”

The executives, slightly bewildered but used to his eccentric demands, reluctantly agreed.

A few days later, the CEO died. At the funeral, amidst the biodegradable wreaths and the eulogies praising his “groundbreaking” (pun intended) work, the Head of Marketing, the COO, and the Sustainability Director each solemnly emptied a large bag of dark, earthy compost into the open grave.

After the service, as they stood by their electric vehicles, the Head of Marketing spoke up. “I feel I need to confess something. Thinking about how we could further boost our ‘ashes to compost’ campaign, I siphoned off a little of that compost. We’re going to use it in a social media ad campaign with the tagline: ‘Grow Beyond Death!'”

The COO sighed. “Since we’re being honest, I replaced some of my share with regular potting soil. Our operations are already strained, and that super-premium blend he requested for his own burial was taking too long to process!”

The Sustainability Director scoffed. “Honestly, you two are unbelievable. I’m disgusted. I made sure to use the entire amount of the super-premium compost… and then added a bucket of my own earthworm castings to ensure optimal decomposition and nutrient cycling!”

Okay, let’s analyze this joke:

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: A wealthy, greedy businessman, facing death, demands his priest, lawyer, and accountant throw his money into his grave.
  • Core Idea: The “you can’t take it with you” paradox combined with extreme greed. He’s attempting to defy the saying, highlighting his inability to let go of his wealth.
  • Punchline: The accountant’s seemingly honest statement about throwing in a “check for the full amount” reveals the ultimate accounting trick – a valueless promise instead of actual cash. It plays on the professional’s expected skill at managing money, and his cunning.
  • Humor Type: Situational irony, character-based humor (greedy businessman, morally ambiguous professionals), and a bit of dark humor.

Key Elements:

  • Greed/Wealth: The central motivator and the source of the conflict.
  • Death/Mortality: The catalyst for the situation.
  • Professions (Priest, Lawyer, Accountant): Representing different aspects of society, each with their own temptations and ethical considerations.
  • Accounting/Finance: The technical element that enables the final twist.
  • Irony: The contrast between what’s expected (respect for the deceased’s wishes) and what actually happens (theft, deception).

Comedic Enrichment – New Joke/Observation:

Let’s focus on the “accounting/finance” aspect to create a new joke, leveraging the stereotype that accountants are masters of loopholes and financial manipulation:

New Joke:

A wealthy man, worried about his legacy, asks his accountant to ensure he’s remembered for his philanthropy. The accountant says, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. I’ll just create a foundation in your name. We’ll call it ‘The [Man’s Name] Foundation for Creative Accounting.’ Its primary goal will be to use legally questionable but technically allowed methods to reduce your tax burden even after you’re gone. You’ll be renowned for charitable giving and efficient wealth management!”

Explanation:

  • This joke uses the stereotype of accountants bending rules to their clients’ advantage. The foundation’s stated goal (“creative accounting”) subverts the expected purpose of a philanthropic organization, revealing the client’s (and the accountant’s) true priorities.
  • It plays on the ambiguity of terms like “creative” and “legally questionable” to imply that the “philanthropy” is just another tax dodge, extending the original joke’s theme of prioritizing money even when dealing with death and legacy.

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