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A terribly constipated man goes to a doctor

Posted on August 19, 2025 by Joke Poo

After the man describes his sorrowful condition, the doctor decides to prescribe him a laxative. He grabs a paper and a pencil and starts doing some calculations. He asks the man, "How are you gonna go home?", to which the man replies "I'll walk."

The doctor then asks him the distance to guys house, the floor he lives on, the number of steps he has to climb, the time he takes to open the door and finally, the distance between the door and the toilet.

After carefully calculating something for a solid 15 minutes, he measures a precise amount of the laxative and asks the man to consume it in the clinic itself, and tells him to immediately leave for his home, and report back on the status of success later on.

An hour later, the man calls the doctor back, and says "Doc, the laxative worked quite well, but you forgot to consider the time it took me to take my underwear off."

Joke Poo: The Tax Form

A fiercely dedicated accountant, notorious for never missing a tax deadline, finds himself severely constipated on April 14th.

After agonizing over his plight, he rushes to a proctologist. After describing his dire situation, the doctor decides to prescribe him a potent suppository. He grabs a pad and pen and starts doing some calculations. He asks the accountant, “How are you planning to get back to your office?”, to which the accountant replies, “I’ll take a taxi.”

The doctor then inquires about the distance to his office, the floor it’s on, the elevator’s speed, the time it takes to swipe his security badge, and finally, the distance between his desk and the restroom.

After carefully calculating something for a good half hour, he unwraps the suppository, precisely cuts off a sliver, and asks the accountant to insert it right there in the office. He tells him to immediately head back to work, and report back on the status of success later on.

An hour later, the accountant frantically calls the doctor, and says “Doc, the suppository worked amazing, but you forgot to factor in the time it took me to amortize the cost of the toilet paper!”

Alright, let’s break down this joke and then fertilize it with some comedic enrichment.

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: A severely constipated man seeks a doctor’s help.
  • Premise: The doctor, obsessed with precision, meticulously calculates the laxative dosage based on the man’s journey home.
  • Punchline: The doctor’s overly detailed calculations failed to account for the time required to remove underwear.
  • Humor Source: The humor lies in the contrast between the doctor’s elaborate, seemingly scientific approach and the mundane, overlooked detail that ultimately renders his calculations useless. It’s also a bit absurd and plays on the slightly embarrassing nature of the medical issue.
  • Underlying Themes: Fails to consider basic human factors/over thinking the simple problem, and the irony of science failing due to human reality.

Key Elements to Play With:

  1. Constipation: The medical issue itself.
  2. Doctor’s Precision: The doctor’s overly-scientific approach.
  3. Laxative Dosage: The act of carefully calculating.
  4. Underwear: The unforeseen variable.

Comedic Enrichment (New Joke):

A software engineer walks into a doctor’s office, complaining of… a similar digestive issue. The doctor, tired of patients underestimating the complexity of bodily functions, says, “Alright, let’s get granular. I need your API endpoint latency for each stage of digestion, your average fiber packet size, your gut microbiome’s preferred coding language, and, most importantly, are you using briefs or boxers? Because that’s a crucial dependency we forgot last time.”

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