When a motorcycle cop that was hiding behind a bridge pulls him over.
What's your hurry asks the cop
Driver says I'm late for work
What do you do for a living asks the cop
Man says I'm a rectum stretcher
What kid of a job is that asks the cop
Well, says the man, you lube up two fingers and put them in a rectum. Then you stretch it until you can get four fingers inside. Then you stretch it until you get both hands inside. Then stretch it until you get both arms inside. Then stretch it until it's six feet wide
What do you do with a six foot asshole asks the cop
Man says you give him a radar gun and hide him behind a bridge
Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” version of that joke, titled appropriately:
Joke Poo: The Kindergarten Cop
A kindergarten teacher was frantically searching for a missing student during recess. She spotted a police officer patrolling nearby and rushed over.
“Officer, Officer! I can’t find little Timmy! He’s just vanished!”
The officer, trying to reassure her, asked, “What does he look like? Describe him to me.”
The teacher wrung her hands. “Well… I lube up two fingers and gently place them in his belly button. Then I widen it until I can get four fingers inside. Then I widen it until I can fit both hands in there. Then I stretch it until I can get both arms inside. Then I keep stretching it until it’s wide enough to climb right in!”
The officer stared, aghast. “And what do you do inside this child’s belly button?”
The teacher smiled brightly. “I put on his little uniform, grab a whistle, and go looking for another lost kid!”
Alright, let’s break down this joke and see if we can extract some comedic gold from it.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Concept: The joke relies on a classic setup: a speeding driver, a cop, and an absurd profession that turns the tables on the authority figure.
- Humor Element: The humor comes from the increasingly ludicrous description of the “rectum stretcher” job, culminating in the punchline which cleverly identifies the cop as the recipient of the stretching. It’s the surprise and ironic reversal that gets the laugh.
- Key Elements: Speeding, hiding cop, ridiculous job description, rectum stretching, and finally, the punchline connecting it all back to the cop.
Fact/Tidbit Inspiration:
- Rectal Anatomy: Fun fact: The rectum can stretch significantly. It’s designed to accommodate varying amounts of fecal matter. However, stretching it to six feet would, shall we say, be problematic.
- Speed Traps: Speed traps are controversial. While law enforcement argues they promote safety, critics argue they’re primarily revenue generators. The effectiveness of speed traps in actually preventing accidents is debated in some circles.
- Job Titles: Many job titles sound bizarre or euphemistic when you don’t know the context.
New Humor Attempts:
Attempt 1: Witty Observation:
“You know, ‘rectum stretcher’ isn’t that different from a lot of corporate roles. They just call it ‘synergy’ and the bridge is a quarterly report.”
Attempt 2: Alternative Punchline (Slightly more wholesome):
After the rectum stretching description…
Cop: “So, what do you do with a six-foot… uh… opening?”
Driver: “I rent it out as affordable housing in San Francisco.”
Attempt 3: “Did You Know?” Style:
“Did you know that while stretching a rectum to six feet is medically improbable, certain species of starfish can evert their stomachs outside their bodies to digest prey? So, next time a cop pulls you over, maybe just say you’re an invertebrate digestion specialist. It’s almost as believable.”
Attempt 4: New joke:
Why did the guy with a giant rectum have to buy a new car?
Because it kept getting rear ended.
Attempt 5: A Meta Observation on the Joke:
“The best part about that rectum stretcher joke? It’s a reminder that sometimes, the most absurd analogies are the most effective ways to make a point about power dynamics. Also, avoid speeding.”
I tried to play off different aspects of the original joke, aiming for a blend of absurdity, irony, and observational humor.