He gets a drink, and spots a pretty woman further down the bar. He walks over and offers to buy her a drink. She accepts, and they spend the evening chatting. He quite likes her, but she has a noticeable lisp, and he decides not to take things any further. Just before the barman calls time, she goes up to the bar and returns with a small glass filled with a green liquid and gives it to him. Deciding not upset her, he drinks it down. Suddenly his heart is filled with desire, and he asks if he can have her phone number. "Yeth", she replies, as she writes it down.
Several months go by, and their relationship has deepened. He starts considering proposing to her. He even starts carrying an engagement ring, even though he still isn't quite sure about her lisp. Eventually he organizes a romantic dinner which will be the make or break point – either he proposes, or he breaks up with her. The evening starts well, but by the dessert he has decided that he doesn't see a future together. She gets up to powder her nose, and while he is waiting for her to return, the waiter arrives with a silver tray, on which is a small glass filled with green liquid. As she returns to the table, he drinks it down. Before he knows what he is doing, he is on one knee extending the open ring box. "Yeth, I will" she replies to his obvious unspoken question. His heart is filled with love, and he is wildly happy.
Months go by, and the wedding plans are in full swing. With the final preparations in place, he goes on his stag night with his single friends. The wild night shows him what he might be missing as a married man, and he starts to get cold feet. During the wedding rehearsal his anxiety grows. He forgets where he is supposed to be, gets the vows wrong, and stumbles on the march out down the aisle. He decides that he will call the whole thing off in the morning. He spends the evening alone in the bar fortifying his courage for the morning, and returns late to his room. Sitting on the counter is a small glass filled with green liquid. He leaves the drink, and goes to bed. In the morning, he prepares to go to his fiancés room and telling her he is calling things off. Needing one more shot of courage he swallows the green liquid down. As he does so, his fiancé knocks on the door of his room. As he opens the door and sees her, all his doubts vanish and he is filled with a deep love. "Everything will be alright." "Yeth, thweetheart, it will", she replies.
Many years of marriage pass. Like any marriage, they have some ups and downs. Sometimes he thinks of ending things, but just when he gets to that point, his wife gives him a small glass of green liquid, and his love is rekindled.
Life ends for everyone, and sadly, the wife got ill. The man was distraught, but stayed by her side as the end drew near. They talked quietly of their life together, reliving past memories to ease to coming grief. Finally, the man asks the one question that has been growing in his mind.
"You know, I almost didn't ask for your number that night we met, but you gave me a green drink, and I just had to get it to speak to you again. And the night I proposed I was close to calling things off, but the waiter brought me a green drink, and I just had to propose to you there and then. And that night before our wedding I was getting cold feet, and there was a green drink on the counter, and when I drank it in the morning I knew everything would be all right. And so many other times when things were hard and I almost walked away, there was a green drink and we found the strength to go on. And now I have to know, why the green drink, and why did it make things better."
"Thweetheart", she replied. "I thought everyone knew thith."
"Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."
Okay, here’s a “Joke Poo” version of the joke, titled “The Guru’s Brew”:
Joke Poo: The Guru’s Brew
A seeker, disillusioned with modern life, travels to a remote mountain to find a legendary guru. He locates the guru, who lives in a simple hut, and explains his quest for enlightenment. The guru nods sagely and offers him a cup of tea. The seeker drinks it, but feels nothing. He spends the next few days in deep meditation, seeking the guru’s guidance, but still finds no inner peace. Just as he’s about to give up, the guru smiles and hands him a small bowl filled with a brown, lumpy substance. Hesitantly, the seeker eats it. Suddenly, he’s filled with overwhelming joy, sees the interconnectedness of all things, and feels a profound sense of calm.
Several weeks pass. The seeker, now a changed man, decides to return to the city and share his newfound wisdom. He brings a small bag of the guru’s brown substance with him. He teaches meditation, helps people, and generally spreads good vibes, but finds the city folk are not receptive to his teachings. As he is about to abandon his mission, he gives everyone a small spoon of the substance. Suddenly the city folks are happy, smiling, and feeling very enlightened.
Years later, the seeker has built a thriving spiritual center. People flock to him for guidance, but he lives in fear that the guru’s substance will run out. One day, the guru visits. The seeker, overwhelmed with gratitude, prostrates himself and asks, “Oh wise guru, thank you for the enlightenment! But I must know, what is this miracle substance, and where can I get more?”
The guru smiles serenely and replies, “I thought it was quite obvious.”
!It’s just really good coffee. You were just tired, and the coffee kept you awake.!<
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and then conjure up some comedic enhancements.
Joke Breakdown:
- Core Concept: The joke relies on a play on words, replacing the familiar idiom “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” with “Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.”
- Narrative Structure: It’s a lengthy setup culminating in a simple punchline. The setup creates a recurring pattern: the man has doubts, the woman provides a mysterious green liquid, and his doubts vanish.
- Humor Mechanism: The humor comes from the absurdity of the situation. A magical green liquid consistently influences the man’s feelings, and then the reveal of its (punny) nature explains everything, while also making the whole relationship seem…well, chemically induced.
- Key Elements:
- Absinthe: The “magical” green liquid.
- Lisp: The woman’s noticeable speech impediment that the man initially struggles with.
- Romantic Relationship: The core subject. The on-again-off-again quality is a central element.
- Pun: The foundation of the joke, the alteration of a commonly known phrase.
Comedic Enrichment – “Absinthe-Minded Facts”:
Instead of crafting a new joke, let’s enhance the existing one with a series of absurd “facts” about absinthe that play off the themes and elements of the original joke.
“Absinthe-Minded Facts (For the Hopeless Romantic and the Occasionally Doubtful):”
- Did you know: Absinthe is so potent, it not only makes the heart grow fonder but also temporarily corrects minor speech impediments. Studies show 7 out of 10 people who consume absinthe near someone with a lisp temporarily develop a slight whistle in their speech. It’s called ‘Sympathetic Sibilance.’
- Fact: The exact recipe for “relationship absinthe,” as used in the joke, is a closely guarded secret passed down through generations of…well, bartenders with a flair for the dramatic. It likely involves wormwood and a liberal dash of regret.
- True or False: The myth of the Green Fairy associated with absinthe originated when a group of botanists, after sampling excessive quantities, mistook a garden gnome for a winged nymph offering relationship advice. (Answer: Plausibly True).
- Cautionary Tale: While absinthe is rumored to enhance romantic feelings, it is not advisable to use it as a truth serum. Side effects may include unexpected marriage proposals to bartenders and declarations of undying love for house plants.
- Science Says: Prolonged exposure to absinthe can lead to a phenomenon known as “Selective Memory Romance.” This is where one partner remembers only the good times, and the other is convinced they own a llama farm despite having never seen a llama.
- And finally: Always remember, while absinthe may make the heart grow fonder, it’s not a substitute for open communication, trust, and a healthy dose of reality. Unless, of course, you prefer the llama farm version of reality.
Why this works:
- Amplifies the Absurdity: By adding absurd “facts”, we take the already silly premise to a new level of ridiculousness.
- References Key Elements: Each “fact” directly references the key components of the original joke: absinthe, speech impediments, relationship issues, and the element of fantastical unreality.
- Witty Wordplay: The titles and content of the facts aim for wordplay reminiscent of the original joke, keeping a light, humorous tone.
- Enhances Rather Than Replaces: This approach complements the existing joke rather than trying to replace it with something entirely new, making it a “comedic enrichment” in the truest sense.