An Admiral, inspecting a ship, starts questioning the Captain.
"You have an enemy submarine somewhere near you. How would you deal with it?"
The Captain replied, "Depth charges, Sir."
"You've run out of those. What do you do?"
The Captain replied, "Mines, Sir. I would lay mines."
"You've none of those either. Now what?"
The Captain thought for a few seconds, then said, "I would lay a film of green paint on the surface of the sea, Sir."
"What the hell good would that do?"
"Well Sir, the sub would hear us and put up its periscope to have a look. The paint would cover the lens, so the sub's captain would think he is still underwater. He'd keep rising and rising, and when he would get to twenty feet above us, we'd shoot him down with our anti-aircraft gun."
Joke Poo: The Accountant’s Spreadsheet
A Senior Partner, reviewing a junior accountant’s work, starts questioning him.
“We have a looming tax audit due next week. How will you handle it?”
The Accountant replied, “Spreadsheets, Sir. Lots and lots of spreadsheets.”
“You’ve corrupted all the spreadsheet files. What do you do?”
The Accountant replied, “Presentations, Sir. PowerPoint presentations to obfuscate the issues.”
“The projector bulb blew and you’re out of spares. Now what?”
The Accountant thought for a few seconds, then said, “I would apply a heavy layer of correction tape over all the problematic figures, Sir.”
“What the hell good would that do?”
“Well Sir, the auditor would get suspicious and squint real hard to try and read the obscured numbers. The correction tape dust would get into their eyes, so the auditor would think they’re developing cataracts. They’d keep getting weaker eyesight, until they get so blind we can convince them they have reviewed and signed off for it as is.”
Okay, let’s analyze this joke.
Key Elements:
- Setup: A naval inspection scenario establishes a power dynamic and impending test of competence.
- Escalating Resource Depletion: The joke builds tension by progressively removing standard solutions (depth charges, mines), forcing the captain to think outside the box.
- Absurd Solution: The core of the joke lies in the Captain’s increasingly bizarre and illogical solution involving green paint.
- Implausible Explanation: The detailed, but ultimately nonsensical, rationale for the paint scheme provides the punchline. It relies on the submarine captain being both incredibly gullible and physics-defying.
- Juxtaposition of Tactics: Combines anti-submarine tactics with anti-aircraft warfare, an unusual and silly pairing.
Comedic Devices:
- Exaggeration: The over-the-top nature of the paint scheme and its supposed effect.
- Surprise: The unexpectedness of the green paint idea compared to standard naval tactics.
- Irony: The Captain’s confidence in his ridiculous plan contrasted with its obvious flaws.
Now, let’s use these elements to create some new humor.
New Joke/Observation:
Original Joke’s Weakness:
The original joke hinges on a situation that would be difficult to come about. What are the chances of being out of both depth charges and mines?
New Angle:
We can take the situation to an even further extreme! What if the Captain’s solution was the ONLY one possible?
New Joke:
An Admiral, inspecting a ship, starts questioning the Captain.
“You have an enemy submarine somewhere near you. You have no depth charges, mines, torpedoes, missiles, guns, or any kind of offensive weapon. How would you deal with it?”
The Captain thought for a few seconds, then said, “I would broadcast an advertisement for the latest fidget spinners on all sonar channels, Sir.”
“What the hell good would that do?”
“Well Sir, we would drive them crazy! The sub’s captain would hear us and put up its periscope to have a look to see what we were doing. He would find that fidget spinners are the latest trend, and go up to the surface to buy them, and by the time they return to the submarine, their morale would be shattered because they would realize they were stuck in a metal box while all the best fidget spinners get snatched up!”
Why This Works:
- Still focuses on a crazy, impossible solution.
- Has a modern touch, relevant to today’s culture.
- Goes to an extreme situation that is even more improbable.
- The solution, like the original, comes with a ridiculous explanation.
I hope you enjoyed my analysis and derived comedic material!