Once he's out of danger the consultant urologist comes in to talk to the man about what happens next. "You'll be pleased to know that reconstructive surgery can do amazing things these days. We can put your equipment back into working order and you'll be able to enjoy full marital relations again."
"Is it very expensive?" asks the man.
"It will cost you $1000 per inch," says the urologist, "and in fact we have seen your workplace insurance and you're covered for $15,000. Now we think you had better talk this over with your wife, because if she is used to 6", then 15" would be too much, whereas if she's used to 15", then 6" would be very disappointing."
"All right, I'll call her," says the man. "Could you give me ten minutes for a private conversation?"
"Of course," says the consultant. He leaves while the man is on the phone, and then comes back and asks, "Have you reached a decision?"
"Yes," says the man.
"And?"
"…We're having granite countertops."
Joke Poo: The Kitchen Renovation
A woman has a terrible kitchen fire, and her insurance company confirms her policy covers a full kitchen renovation. Once the claims adjuster is sorted, the contractor comes to discuss the rebuild. “You’ll be pleased to know that modern kitchens can do amazing things these days. We can rebuild your kitchen to even higher standards than before, with all the latest gadgets and features!”
“Is it very expensive?” asks the woman.
“It will cost you $500 per square foot,” says the contractor, “and in fact, we have seen your homeowner’s insurance and you’re covered for 200 square feet. Now, we think you had better talk this over with your husband, because if he’s used to a small, cozy kitchen, then doubling the size would be too much disruption. However, if he’s used to a gourmet chef’s kitchen, then halving the size to a tiny kitchenette would be very disappointing.”
“All right, I’ll call him,” says the woman. “Could you give me ten minutes for a private conversation?”
“Of course,” says the contractor. He leaves while the woman is on the phone, and then comes back and asks, “Have you reached a decision?”
“Yes,” says the woman.
“And?”
“…We’re getting a hot tub.”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then build something new from its components.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A workplace accident leads to a severed penis and the possibility of reconstructive surgery.
- Premise: The cost of surgery is determined by length, insurance covers a significant amount, and the urologist suggests considering the wife’s preference.
- Punchline: The man prioritizes granite countertops over penile reconstruction, implicitly suggesting the wife prefers that too.
- Humor Source: The humor derives from the unexpected shift in priorities. The audience expects a decision based on sexual function/satisfaction, but the punchline subverts this expectation with a material possession. The implication that the wife values kitchen renovations over the husband’s penis adds another layer of absurdity. The financial aspect of the punchline also plays a part in its humour as the suggestion is the cost of the penis is irrelevant as the insurance would cover it.
Key Elements for Enrichment:
- Penile Reconstruction: The actual science and potential of reconstructive surgery are relevant.
- Insurance Coverage: The role of insurance in medical decisions and the potential for misaligned priorities it creates.
- Granite Countertops: The cultural significance of kitchen renovations as status symbols and sources of domestic happiness.
- Urologist’s Recommendation: The absurdity of the urologist’s frank discussion of the wife’s preferences.
New Comedic Creation: A “Did You Know?” Style Observation
“Did you know that while the average cost of penile reconstructive surgery can vary wildly, some studies show a surprising correlation between insurance coverage for such procedures and a spike in the demand for exotic granite countertops? Apparently, the ‘functional’ appeal of a fully restored ahem asset is sometimes outshone by the ‘feng shui’ benefits of Bianco Antico.”
Why this works:
- It plays on the unexpected juxtaposition from the original joke.
- It frames the absurd choice as a statistically observable phenomenon, enhancing the humor.
- “Bianco Antico” is a specific, slightly pretentious-sounding granite variety, adding a touch of snobbery to the joke.
- The ‘functional’ and ‘feng shui’ phrasing contrast adds to the overall humor.
This approach takes the core surprise of the original joke – the shift in priorities – and frames it as a quirky, almost unbelievable fact, further amplifying the comedic effect.