An old man went his Doctor and asked for a complete physical workup. Doc ran him through the tests and then handed him 3 specimen bottles. "The first two you can give me here in the office; a urine sample and a fecal sample."
What about the other one, Doctor? "Well you can take that home and bring it in tomorrow. I need a semen sample to do a complete health report for you."
The old man went back the next day and said, "I'm sorry Doctor. I tried with my left hand. No good. I tried with my right hand. No good. I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand. Nope. She tried with her left hand and failed. She tried with her mouth. No good. She even took out her teeth and failed. Then we called the neighbor couple to see if they could do it." The Doctor said "You called your neighbors? What in the hack is the problem?!?!?"
The old man said, "Doctor, I'm sorry. But none of us could get the lid off the specimen bottle!"
Joke Poo: The Tech Support Call
A senior citizen calls tech support, desperate for help with his new smart home system. The tech walks him through a series of steps, accessing his devices remotely.
“Okay, sir,” the tech says, “I need you to go to your thermostat and show it to me.” The old man shuffles off, grumbling, and returns a minute later. “Alright, I’m looking at it,” the tech says. “Now, I need you to show me your security camera.”
After some more shuffling, the old man returns. “Got it. I’m looking at the security camera’s feed.” The tech continues troubleshooting other devices the same way, needing the old man to carry the device to the computer to be visible.
“Alright,” the tech says finally, “Now, for the final step, I need you to show me your smart toilet.”
There’s a long silence. Finally, the old man wheezes, “Son, I’m sorry. I tried with all my might, but I just couldn’t… well, you know…”
The tech sighs. “You couldn’t… get a good signal?”
“No, I couldn’t. The instructions said not to remove the seat. I’m sorry. But none of us could… poo on that damn camera!”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke!
Key Elements:
- Premise: An old man seeks a comprehensive physical exam, including a semen sample.
- Setup: The doctor instructs the old man to provide various samples.
- Red Herring: The long explanation of attempts to acquire the semen sample leads us to believe the punchline will involve sexual dysfunction or awkward situations.
- Punchline: The actual problem is the inability to open the bottle, subverting expectations with a mundane and relatable frustration.
- Humor Type: Absurdity, situational irony, and physical comedy (imagining the attempts).
Now, let’s create some comedic enrichment:
Option 1: A “Did You Know?” Observation:
“Did you know that the average torque required to open a child-resistant medicine bottle cap is around 5 Newton-meters? That’s about the same force needed to twist off a well-stuck jar of pickles! Maybe doctors should start including grip strength tests in geriatric physicals. Clearly, more patients are having trouble with lids than with, ahem, other aspects of sample collection.”
Option 2: A Related Joke:
An elderly gentleman is at the pharmacy, struggling with a child-proof bottle of aspirin. The pharmacist, seeing his plight, offers to open it for him. After wrestling with it for a good minute, the pharmacist finally gets the lid off.
The pharmacist, sweating a bit, hands the bottle back to the old man and says, “There you go! These child-proof caps are quite the challenge, aren’t they?”
The old man nods and replies, “Yeah, but I mostly use them because I also can’t remember which pills I already took!”
Option 3: A Witty Observation Playing on Expectations:
“It’s funny how the expectation of intimacy vanishes when the subject is a stubborn plastic lid. I bet more marriages have survived bedroom troubles than fights over Tupperware containers.”
Why These Work:
- Option 1 uses a fact (the torque of child-proof caps) to connect the joke to a larger, relatable issue (difficulty opening things). It adds a layer of humor by implying grip strength might be more relevant to geriatric health than one might think.
- Option 2 takes the premise (elderly person struggling with a bottle) and uses it to highlight another common issue faced by seniors (memory problems). This creates a relatable and slightly darker humorous punchline.
- Option 3 plays on the juxtaposition of the initial expectation (a sexual anecdote) and the mundane reality (a stubborn lid) to create a humorous observation about relationships.
Ultimately, the goal is to amplify the humor of the original by exploring its themes in new and unexpected ways.