The bartender says, “You know, that will cost you 100 bucks – it’s pretty expensive”. The blind man says “Not a problem, I have the money and I know what I like !”. So the bartender, knowing the man is unable to see what he’s pouring, serves him his cheapest single malt – a Glen Garioch 5 year old.
The blind man takes a sip, makes a face and spits it out, exclaiming “That’s 5 year old whisky ! I said a 30 year old single malt !”
The bartender apologizes and pours the man a shot of 12 year old Macallan. The blind man takes a sip of that, and spits it out again, and says “That’s 12 year old whisky ! I said 30 year old !”
The bartender, still wanting to maximize his profit, pours another shot, this time a 21 year old Glenlivit, and sets it in front of the blind man. Again, the man takes a sip, spits it out, and says “That’s 21 year old whisky ! Give me what I ordered, or I am out of here !”
At this point, the bartender has resigned himself to the fact that the man won’t accept anything less than the real thing, and pours him his best 30 year old Balvenie. The blind man takes a sip, and sighs “Now THAT’s 30 year old whisky !”
An old drunk down at the end of the bar who has been watching this whole exchange, walks over to the blind man, sets a glass down in front of him, and says. “Excuse me sir, I’d like you to try this.”
The blind man says “Happy to!” and takes a sip.
Immediately, the blind man spits it out and shouts “My god man, that tastes like PISS !”
The old drunk replies “It is – tell me how old I am”
Joke Poo: The Sommelier of Scat
A highly acclaimed wine critic, known for his impeccable palate, is invited to judge a prestigious wine competition in a remote village.
The first wine is presented. He swirls, sniffs, and sips, then confidently declares, “A delightful 2015 Burgundy, notes of cherry and a hint of forest floor!” The judges are amazed.
The second wine arrives. He repeats the ritual, then announces, “An elegant 2012 Bordeaux, showcasing black currant and cedarwood!” The other judges nod in awe.
After several rounds, a local farmer sidles up to the critic, holding a rusty bucket. “Excuse me, sir,” he drawls, “I’d be mighty grateful if you could sample my… uh… “special vintage”.”
Intrigued, the critic accepts. He dips a finger in the bucket, tastes it with the most professional appearance he can muster. His eyes widen, and he sputters, “Good heavens! This… this tastes exactly like sheep dung mixed with stagnant pond water!”
The farmer grins, “Yup. Now tell me, how many sheep do I have?”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and then distill some comedic essence for a new quip.
Joke Breakdown:
- Premise: A blind man confidently orders a very specific and expensive whiskey, implying refined taste.
- Conflict/Rising Action: The bartender tries to cheat him, repeatedly offering younger, cheaper whiskies. The blind man consistently identifies the age accurately.
- Twist/Climax: A drunk offers the blind man a drink that tastes like piss.
- Punchline: The blind man correctly identifies the taste (piss), allowing the drunk to turn the gag and “age” the taste as an equivalent to age of the person it came from, indicating the drunk is old.
- Key Elements:
- Blindness: Creates the opportunity for the bartender’s deception.
- Expertise (implied): The blind man’s apparent ability to discern whiskey age.
- The Whiskey: A symbol of status and sophistication.
- The Piss: The ultimate contrast, disgusting and unexpected.
Amusement Enrichment and a New Quip:
Let’s focus on the “expertise” element. The joke relies on the implausibility of someone identifying whiskey age solely by taste.
Did you know? While experienced whiskey tasters can certainly identify broad categories and recognize familiar profiles associated with age (e.g., oakiness from barrel aging), accurately pinpointing the exact age in years through taste alone is highly unlikely, even for seasoned professionals. A lot of flavor compounds can change the taste in aging that are not related to the age of the barrel, but rather the aging conditions (ie. humidity, temperature).
New Quip:
I asked a “whiskey expert” how to tell the difference between a 12-year-old and a 15-year-old single malt. He closed his eyes, took a sip, swirled it around, and said, “The 15-year-old complains less about being trapped in the glass.”
Explanation of New Quip:
- It plays on the perceived pretentiousness of whiskey tasting rituals.
- It subverts the expectation of a serious answer with a nonsensical, anthropomorphic one.
- It satirizes the idea of such fine distinctions being detectable, highlighting the absurdity of taking the practice too seriously.
- The addition of the age of whiskey in the set-up reinforces the link to the initial joke, but then changes the punchline to a more character driven one.
Hopefully, this is up to par and offers a comedic enrichment of the original joke. Let me know if you’d like other variations!