Roughly halfway up the side of the mountain, a member of the expedition came across a set of large manlike tracks in the snow.
"Yeti tracks," the sherpa said with a gruff voice as he passed them. "One thing you must know before we proceed; DO NOT, under any circumstances, touch the yeti."
The expedition heeded his warning and continued to climb the slope. Night fell, and the explorers set up their tents. In the dead of night, the Englishman awoke to the sound of his tent entrance unzipping. Half-asleep, he looked up to see an enormous eight-foot yeti standing above him.
In fear for his life the explorer jumped up and ran out of the tent, banging into the yeti in the process. The yeti, after being touched by the explorer let out a deafening howl and began to chase the explorer down the slope.
The explorer ran away from the camp as quickly as his legs could take him, after he rounded a corner he looked behind him to see the bounding form of the yeti still chasing him.
So the explorer continued to run, reaching the bottom of the mountain in just two days, exhausted he paused to rest awhile. After just a few moments, the explorer began to hear the soft 'thud thud thud' of yeti feet on snow, he looked up the slope to see the yeti still chasing him and only moments away.
The explorer took off again, reaching a supply shack a couple of miles away, once there quickly buying a mountain bike and pedaling his way to the nearest town, some fifty miles away. The journey took him several days over the rough terrain and after his arrival he booked into a hotel to recuperate.
Two days later the man left his hotel to see about booking transport back to England. As soon as he turned around though he saw the form of the yeti on the horizon, bounding towards him at great speed. Horrified by this sight, the explorer hurriedly bought a car and drove it away from the village all the way to Delhi. Once he arrived, the man wasted no time in getting on the next plane to London.
After his arrival back in London, the man went back to his London home for a while to recover and to plan his next expedition. He had been there less than two weeks and was gazing out of a window when he saw a familiar large bounding, manlike creature running down his street; the man couldn't believe it — somehow the yeti had followed him to England!
The man had little choice but to run away again, he used any means he could, bike, car, or on foot to try to escape the yeti, but each time he looked behind him, it was just moments before the yeti came into view.
Eventually the man made it all the way to Edinburgh and from there ran into the open Scottish countryside. He continued to run but the yeti just kept getting closer and closer, and in the end the man could run no more.
With the yeti less than a minute away from him, the man finally stopped and turned around to face the oncoming creature. With the last of his strength he stood up straight as the yeti caught up with him. The eight-foot tall yeti towered above the man, who could only stare in terror. The yeti extended his hand and poked the Englishman squarely in the chest with one long finger and in a low rumbling voice the yeti said, "Tag! You're it!"
Joke Poo: The Taxman Cometh
A timid accountant from Swindon was hired as a consultant for a reclusive billionaire’s tax evasion scheme, set on a remote Pacific island. The billionaire, a paranoid man named Bartholomew “Bart” Buttersworth, had a strict rule enforced by his burly security detail: “Do not, under any circumstances, speak to Bart about his stamp collection.”
The accountant, Reginald Pip, was terrified of losing his job (and possibly his life) and meticulously avoided the topic for weeks. However, one evening, after a particularly potent batch of tropical cocktails, Reginald noticed Bart hunched over a massive, leather-bound album filled with stamps.
Overcome by drunken curiosity, Reginald stumbled over to Bart and, slurring his words, asked, “Say, Buttersworth, those stamps… are they mostly Penny Blacks, then?”
Bart Buttersworth froze. His eyes widened. He let out a bloodcurdling shriek and began to chase Reginald across the island.
Reginald, fueled by fear and cheap rum, fled through the jungle, narrowly avoiding booby traps and angry peacocks. He reached the beach and dove into the ocean, swimming for hours until he found a passing freighter bound for Australia.
Two days later, Reginald was back in his dingy flat in Swindon, trembling and convinced he’d escaped. He poured himself a cup of lukewarm tea and settled into his armchair. Suddenly, a shadow fell across his doorway.
It was Bart Buttersworth, dripping wet and covered in seaweed, holding a magnifying glass.
Reginald screamed and tried to run, but Bart grabbed him by the lapels. With a voice laced with menacing calm, Bart whispered, “Pip… you asked about my Penny Blacks. Now, we’re going to discuss inheritance tax.”
Alright, let’s dissect this Yeti joke and see what comedic ice we can chip off it.
Key Elements of the Original Joke:
- Setup: English explorer on an expedition encountering a Yeti. The Sherpa’s warning creates dramatic irony.
- Premise: Touching the Yeti triggers a relentless chase.
- Exaggeration: The chase escalates ridiculously – across continents, multiple modes of transportation.
- Punchline: The “tag” reveal subverts expectations, turning a life-or-death chase into a children’s game. The absurdity is amplified by the Yeti’s low, rumbling voice.
Comedic Breakdown: The humor lies in the incongruity between the explorer’s terror and the Yeti’s playful intentions. The relentless pursuit builds tension only to be deflated by a childish game, mocking the explorer’s overreaction and fears.
Now, for some Yeti-related factual/interesting tidbits to fuel our new humor:
- Yeti Lore: The Yeti (or Abominable Snowman) is a cryptid, a creature whose existence hasn’t been scientifically proven. Reports stem primarily from the Himalayan regions of Nepal and Tibet.
- Yeti “Sightings”: Often, reported Yeti tracks have been attributed to bears, langur monkeys, or even environmental factors that distort animal prints.
- “Yeti DNA”: A 2017 study analyzed various “Yeti” samples (hair, bones, etc.) and found that most were from local bear species, particularly the Himalayan brown bear.
- Scientific Name (Humorous): Let’s pretend, for the sake of a joke, that the Yeti’s hypothetical scientific name is “Ludicrus Hominidus” (playing on “ludicrous” and “hominid”).
Here’s a new joke, playing off the original and incorporating some of the above:
An American tourist, obsessed with cryptids, was convinced he’d found irrefutable proof of the Yeti in the Himalayas. He managed to get a strand of “Yeti” hair back to the States and sent it off for DNA analysis. Weeks later, the lab report arrived. “Sample Analysis: 98% Ursus arctos isabellinus (Himalayan brown bear). 2% Mystery. Follow-up report indicated sample had the distinct residue of bubble gum and tagger.” When the embarrassed tourist asked for further clarification on the “Mystery”, he was promptly informed that due to his discovery of the endangered playful beast, it was required by US cryptid law to update the Yeti’s scientific name to “Ludicrus Hominidus.”
Why it works (hopefully):
- Builds on the established Yeti lore: The DNA analysis debunks the myth, tying into real scientific investigations and its comical discovery that it is just a Himalayan brown bear with playful human-like habits.
- Adds a bureaucratic layer: The updated scientific name adds an element of absurd officialdom to a inherently silly situation.
- References back to the original punchline: The phrase “bubble gum and tagger” directly connects to the “tag” punchline of the original joke, reinforcing the comedic theme.