A young, ambitious executive is chosen to replace a retiring CEO at a major corporation. On the outgoing CEO's last day, he calls the young executive into his office for a word of advice.
"The job can be tough," the old CEO says. "If you ever find yourself in a crisis you can't handle, I've left three numbered envelopes for you in the top drawer of this desk. Open them in order, one crisis at a time."
The young executive thanks him and settles into his new role. Things go great for the first year. But then, a major product launch fails, and the company's stock plummets. Panicked, he remembers the envelopes. He opens the first one. The note inside reads: "Blame your predecessor."
He does exactly that, holding a press conference where he talks about the flawed strategies he inherited. The board and the press are satisfied, and the crisis passes.
Two years later, the company is hit with a massive accounting scandal. Things look even worse this time. He rushes to the desk and opens the second envelope. The note says: "Reorganize the company."
He immediately announces a major corporate restructuring, shuffling departments and firing a few high-level managers. The company looks proactive and dynamic, and the scandal is soon forgotten.
About eighteen months after that, a crippling recession hits their industry. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. The executive, now haggard and desperate, goes to the desk and opens the third and final envelope.
The note inside reads: "Prepare three envelopes."
Okay, here’s a new joke titled “Joke Poo” inspired by the “Three Envelopes” joke, with a similar structure and a twist on the original’s theme:
Joke Poo
An eager, newly hired exterminator is assigned a challenging pest problem at a renowned, but filthy, zoo. The retiring exterminator, a legend in his field, pulls the youngster aside on his last day.
“This zoo’s got everything,” the old exterminator wheezes. “Roaches the size of rats, rats the size of cats, and… well, you’ll see. But if you ever get overwhelmed, there are three sealed containers in the storage shed. Open them one at a time.”
The young exterminator, pumped and ready, thanks him and throws himself into the job. For the first few months, it’s manageable. But then, the rodent population explodes, gnawing through everything and terrifying the animals. Frantic, he remembers the containers. He opens the first. Inside is a single word: “Poison.”
He floods the zoo with poison bait, and the rat problem subsides… somewhat. The news of the successful endeavor passes.
A year later, the zoo is infested with resilient mutant cockroaches. They’re immune to everything he throws at them. Desperate, he opens the second container. The note reads: “Flamethrower.”
He unleashes a torrent of flame, scorching the earth and turning the zoo into a smoldering landscape. The cockroaches are decimated, but so are half the habitats. He’s relieved to be alive, and the cockroaches are soon forgotten.
Six months after that, the remaining animals start acting strangely, lethargic and ill. Then, a wave of bizarre new pests emerges – creatures that feed on radiation! The zoo is on the brink of collapse. The exterminator, now scarred and smelling of insecticide, stumbles to the shed and opens the third and final container.
The note inside reads: “Prepare three containers.”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then build on it.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A young executive inherits a position and a secret (the envelopes) from the retiring CEO. This establishes a power dynamic and sets up the expectation of wisdom/help.
- Premise: The envelopes contain seemingly helpful advice for navigating crises.
- Punchline: The final envelope reveals that the “wisdom” is just a cyclical passing-on of responsibility and avoidance of actual problem-solving. It highlights the temporary nature of corporate solutions and the perpetuation of bureaucratic tactics.
- Humor Type: Situational irony, satire, and dark humor. It’s funny because it’s a cynical but often true commentary on how problems are handled (or not) in large organizations.
Key Elements:
- CEO/Executive Succession: The transition of power in a corporation.
- Crisis Management: Dealing with unexpected problems (product failure, scandal, recession).
- Bureaucracy/Corporate Culture: The inherent inefficiencies and self-preservation tactics within large companies.
- Passing the Buck: Avoiding responsibility by blaming others.
- Envelopes as a Symbol: Representing inherited wisdom or a pre-packaged, ultimately empty, solution.
Comedic Enrichment:
Option 1: A New Joke (playing on the cycle):
A struggling startup founder, drowning in debt, gets a mysterious letter from an anonymous investor. Inside: three USB drives. He plugs in the first. It contains a pre-written Medium article titled, “Why My Startup Failed – and What I Learned.” Views skyrocket, raising awareness…and still no funding.
Drive two: A flowchart titled “Downsizing with Compassion (and HR Legalese).” He cuts the team in half, extending the runway by a month.
Desperate, he plugs in drive three. It contains a single PowerPoint slide: “How to Write an Angel Investor Pitch Deck…Based on Their Failed Startup.”
Why this works:
- Modernized the concept to a startup environment.
- The USB drives (modern envelopes) symbolize the ready-made ‘wisdom’ of the internet/startup culture.
- The solutions are equally cynical and perpetuate the cycle of VC funded failures.
Option 2: Witty Observation (building on the joke’s cynicism):
The real genius of those CEO envelopes wasn’t the advice itself, but the implicit understanding that no one is ever truly held accountable in corporate life. It’s less a survival guide and more a sophisticated game of “Tag, you’re it!”…and the next one holds the bag.
Why this works:
- Highlights the core truth the original joke reveals, adding an extra layer of insightful cynicism.
Option 3: “Did You Know?” (using a related fact for humor):
Did you know that the average CEO tenure is only about five years? Which makes those three envelopes seem less like a crisis plan and more like a countdown timer for when they’ll be someone else’s predecessor to blame. Maybe the fourth envelope should just contain a resume template.
Why this works:
- Uses the factual short tenure of CEO’s to emphasize how short-sighted the ‘solutions’ in the joke are.
- Adds a touch of self-awareness regarding the CEO’s own potential failure.
In essence, I’ve taken the core themes of the joke (passing the buck, corporate cycles, superficial solutions) and re-applied them in updated contexts and formats, aiming to maintain the same dark, satirical humor.