He thinks for a moment as the officer is getting closer and then floors it, 95… 110… 140… Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows down and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there" the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for games and a chat, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a police officer. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I thought you were bringing her back!"
Joke Poo: The Ex-Husband’s Drone
A farmer is meticulously spraying his fields when he sees a fancy drone hovering nearby. He sighs, knowing trouble is brewing.
He watches as the drone gets closer, buzzing annoyingly. He considers shooting at it, but remembers the hefty fines. Finally, with the drone practically in his face, he sighs, cuts the engine, and walks over to where it lands.
A sharply dressed businessman emerges from a gleaming SUV parked on the edge of the field. He approaches the farmer cautiously as the farmer, covered in pesticide, throws his hands up in exasperation.
“You were, uh, flying awfully close to my property there,” the businessman says, adjusting his tie. “But it’s the end of my day, my kids are waiting for me, and I just want to get home, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself!”
The farmer, spitting out a wad of tobacco and wiping his brow with a greasy rag, replies, “Sir, about a year ago, my wife left me for a drone enthusiast. I tell ya, her leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me! Living with her was like trying to herd cats and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw that thing hovering in the sky, I thought she was back spying on me!”
Alright, let’s break down this joke like a speeding motorist avoiding a…well, you know.
Core Elements:
- Speeding & Pursuit: The initial setup focuses on a high-speed chase on a motorway. The escalating speed emphasizes the man’s panicked (or desperate) reaction.
- Police Officer’s Dilemma: The officer is torn between enforcing the law and wanting to get home for a relaxing evening. This creates a moment of suspense and potential for comedic negotiation.
- Unexpected Justification: The punchline revolves around the man’s outlandish excuse involving his ex-wife and her affair with a police officer. The humor comes from the absurdity and the officer’s likely bewilderment.
- Role Reversal: The speeding driver takes the power by making the officer feel sorry for him.
Now, let’s use these elements to create some comedic enrichment:
Option 1: A “Did You Know?” with a Twist
“Did you know that studies have shown that ex-spouses are responsible for approximately 87% of all unexpected traffic stops involving elaborate, emotionally charged excuses? The other 13% is just people claiming they thought they were driving on the autobahn. So be safe out there, drive defensively, and maybe avoid marrying anyone with a strong law enforcement connection!”
Option 2: A Related Observation
“It’s funny how the phrase ‘I thought you were bringing her back’ can either be the most devastating thing you can hear, or the perfect alibi to get out of a speeding ticket. I suspect the Venn diagram overlap of those two situations is…awkward.”
Option 3: A New Joke Setup
A police officer pulls over a car going excessively slow. The officer asks, “Sir, do you know why I stopped you?” The driver, a woman in her late 60s, replies, “Officer, I was trying to avoid the speed traps. My ex-husband told me they set them up when people start going over 65…and he always knows how to get on my nerves so I decided to be slow instead, to avoid him, as always” The officer sighs, “Ma’am, your ex-husband retired from the force 20 years ago.” The woman retorts, “Exactly. He can’t tell me what to do anymore. Plus I saw a sign for BOGO muffins a few miles back. “
Option 4: Amplifying the Absurdity
The officer, after hearing the elaborate ex-wife story, stares at the driver. “Sir,” he says, “I appreciate your…candor. But I have to ask, did you really think I’d be joyfully returning your ex-wife, sirens blaring, as some sort of mobile revenge-delivery service?” The man replies “Well… the last time she came back she drove my car into a canal…so I just assumed you were returning the favor. What’s your game night?”