Policeman: So you are telling me that you were drilling the wall, some screaming man burst into your flat, ripped the electric drill out of your hands, and shoved it up your rectum. Is that right?
Patient: It is.
Policeman: And you don't remember what he looked like? At all?
Patient: That's right.
Policeman: Think, perhaps someone else saw him? Were there any witnesses?
Patient: Don't be ridiculous! What witnesses could there be at 4:40 on a Sunday morning?
Joke Poo: The Ornithologist’s Peril
An ornithologist in the remote Amazon is being interviewed by a skeptical wildlife documentary filmmaker.
Filmmaker: So, you’re telling me that you were meticulously documenting a rare macaw nest, perched precariously on a branch, when a massive harpy eagle swooped down, snatched your binoculars, and… and used them to… ahem… eject a substantial amount of guano directly into your open field notebook?
Ornithologist: Precisely. A direct hit, I assure you. Ruined my notes on the fledgling’s plumage development.
Filmmaker: And you have no idea what kind of eagle it was? No markings? Anything identifiable?
Ornithologist: Nothing beyond the… unfortunate payload.
Filmmaker: Surely, someone must have seen this! Other researchers? Assistants? Did anyone witness this bizarre incident?
Ornithologist: Don’t be absurd! What other ornithologist would be out observing birds at that hour? It was 4:20!
Okay, let’s get surgical with this comedic gem.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Premise: An improbable and horrifying crime – assault with a power drill to a very sensitive area – and the victim’s surprisingly nonchalant (and evasive) reaction.
- Humor Source:
- Incongruity: The sheer absurdity of the crime juxtaposed with the procedural questioning by the police.
- Subversion: The patient’s “forgetfulness” and deflection away from the logical question of witnesses, implying something more going on than meets the eye. The punchline reveals that the patient knew this was a sensitive activity.
- Implied Narrative: The joke hints at a hidden narrative – something illegal or illicit was happening in the flat, making the victim unwilling to reveal details that could expose themselves.
- Key Elements:
- The Victim
- The Drill
- The Time of Day
- Evasive Nature of the Patient
Humorous Enrichment Attempt:
Approach 1: The “Did You Know?” with a Twist:
“Did you know that power drills are statistically more likely to be involved in home improvement projects than… ahem… unconventional medical procedures? In fact, a 2023 study showed that 99.999% of drill-related injuries occurred in DIY settings. However, the 0.001%? Well, let’s just say that’s why they invented the phrase ‘rectal dysfunction’.”
Humor Mechanics:
- “Did You Know?” Format: Creates an expectation of factual information, which is immediately undercut by the absurdity of the original joke’s premise.
- Juxtaposition: Places mundane (DIY projects) and horrific (the original scenario) in close proximity, highlighting the incongruity.
- Euphemism and Suggestion: The “rectal dysfunction” line avoids being too graphic, while clearly referencing the punchline’s implications.
Approach 2: Reframe the question:
A police officer is questioning a patient in the hospital.
Policeman: I am sorry, but can you please clarify: when the screaming man entered your flat and shoved the electric drill up your rectum, you don’t remember what he looked like?
Patient: That’s right.
Policeman: I see… And you are saying that you were drilling the wall at 4:40 on a Sunday morning, for no particular reason?
Patient: That’s right.
Policeman: Alright, I understand. Can you tell me, what kind of power drill did you purchase recently?
Patient: Why do you need to know?
Policeman: Well, we found it’s been recalled because of the reverse gear malfunction and we’re making sure this wasn’t the reason for the screaming man and why he came to visit you so early on Sunday morning.
Patient: I do remember him now…
Humor Mechanics:
- Reframe of the questions The emphasis is on the plausibility of the situation
- Focus on the Drill: The twist now revolves around the drill. The drill itself becomes the central point that unravels the truth.
- Humor derived from “oh… now I know why he was so mad!
Approach 3: A Witty Observation:
“You know, the most unbelievable part of that drill-related hospital story isn’t the drill. It’s that the guy was drilling at 4:40 AM and managed to find an extension cord long enough to reach the nearest outlet. The real crime is noise pollution!”
Humor Mechanics:
- Shifting Focus: Diverts attention from the obvious (the assault) to a smaller, yet also absurd, detail (the time and availability of an extension cord).
- Relatability: Most people can relate to the frustration of noisy neighbors, making the new punchline more accessible.
- Understatement: The “real crime is noise pollution” is a humorous way of minimizing the original offense.
In summary, each of these attempts takes a key element of the original joke (the drill, the time, the victim’s evasion) and uses it as a springboard to create a new humorous observation, either through factual juxtaposition, a reframing of the questioning, or a witty aside. The goal is to amplify the existing humor rather than simply rehashing the original joke.