A Father puts his 3 year old daughter to bed, tells her a story and listens to her prayers which she ends by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting!
Joke Poo: The Parrot’s Predictions
A sailor brings his newly acquired parrot onto his ship. He tells the parrot stories of his past adventures, listens to the parrot’s squawks, and eventually, the parrot starts mimicking his prayers, ending with, “God save the Captain, God save the First Mate, and… squawk… Fire the Cook!”
The sailor, a superstitious sort, asks, “Why ‘Fire the Cook’?”
The parrot just ruffled its feathers and said, “Don’t know, matey. Just feels right.”
The next day, the ship’s cook was found to have been accidentally lost overboard while preparing the evening meal. The sailor was shaken by this odd coincidence.
A few weeks later, the sailor was regaling the parrot with tales of his exotic travels. That night he heard the parrot repeating its prayers, which went, “God save the Captain and… squawk… Fire the First Mate!”
The following day, the First Mate, in a freak accident involving a runaway rope and a misplaced barrel of rum, suffered a grievous head injury and was immediately relieved of his duty.
The sailor began to believe the parrot was blessed with some sort of dark, precognitive power.
A week later, the sailor nervously listened to the parrot’s evening recital. “God… squawk… Fire the Captain!”
The sailor panicked! He spent the whole night tossing and turning. He was on edge all day, avoiding high places and dangerous tasks. He hid in the galley, polishing spoons, convinced that his demise was imminent. He decided he will not sleep and hid until midnight.
As midnight struck, he let out a huge sigh of relief. He survived! He ran to his bunk, exhausted, and collapsed into bed.
He was abruptly awakened by the ship’s bosun yelling, “Captain! Captain, wake up! You won’t BELIEVE what happened! That blasted parrot flew into the signal room and somehow activated the auto-fire mechanism! We just launched all of our torpedoes into the ocean!”
The Captain groggily replied, “And that is the worst thing you can tell me in the middle of the night?”
The Bosun replies, “No, we did get a return transmission from a near by submarine who sent us this message – You will never guess who they fired out of the torpedo tube at us: The Cook!”
Alright, let’s dive into this joke.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A father overhears his daughter saying goodbye to family members in her prayers.
- Premise: The daughter’s goodbyes seem to predict the deaths of those family members.
- Twist/Punchline: The father anticipates his own death, but it’s the boss who dies, highlighting a misunderstanding of the premonition’s scope and the father’s self-centeredness. The humor relies on dramatic irony (we know the prediction is of someone’s death, but not who) and the subversion of expectations.
- Themes: Premonitions, fear of death, misinterpretation, workplace humor, marital communication.
Key Elements to Play On:
- Premonitions/Prophecy: The idea of foreseeing the future.
- Probability and Coincidence: The statistical likelihood of events aligning in a seemingly meaningful way.
- Workplace Anxiety: The specific dread of a bad day at the office.
- The “Goodbye” Ritual: The slightly unsettling nature of a child saying “goodbye” in a prayer to someone still living.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s focus on the “Probability and Coincidence” element. I’ll use some statistical humor:
New Joke/Observation:
“So, the daughter predicts deaths with her goodnight prayers? I bet she’s got actuaries lining up outside her bedroom. You know, the odds of accurately predicting three deaths in a row are astronomical… unless you work for an insurance company. Then it’s just Tuesday.”
Why this works:
- Connects to the original joke: It references the core premise of predicting deaths.
- Introduces actuarial science: Actuaries calculate risk and probability for insurance companies. This links the supernatural element to a very rational field.
- Subverts expectations again: Instead of being amazed by the premonitions, it implies that knowing about deaths is simply part of the job for certain professions.
- Adds a layer of absurdity: The image of actuaries waiting for a child’s prayers is inherently funny. It mocks the reliance on the child and also the actuary profession for their reliance on numbers.