Morning of my birthday I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and wish me 'Happy Birthday,' and possibly have a little gift for me.
Turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday. ‘I thought, welp, that's marriage for you, but the kids will surely remember.
Kiddos came racing downstairs to breakfast but didn't say a word either, so when I left for work, I felt pretty shitty.
Soon as I walked into the office, my handsome boss, Chad, greeted me, "Good morning, young pretty lady, and, oh, by the way, Happy Birthday" At least someone remembered! That felt good!
I worked straight through without a break, when Chad knocked on my door and said, "It's your birthday and a gorgeous day outside, what say we go for lunch. Just you and me."
I said, "Thanks Chad. That's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch, but not to the usual place. Instead, Chad chose a romantic little bistro with a private room. One martini led to three, and we both had a most enjoyable time.
On the way back to the office Chad said, "such a beautiful day like this, we don't have to go straight back to the office, do we?"
To be honest, I was shitfaced from the martinis, so any reason not to go back to work sounded OK to me.
"What do you have in mind, Chad?"
Chad pointed down the street: "My place is just around the corner. Let's drop by, OK?"
As soon as we got there, Chad told me "Make yourself comfortable. If you don't mind, I'm going to pop into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere (wink-wink)."
"OK", I replied, somewhat nervously.
Chad went into the bedroom and after 2 or 3 minutes he came out carrying a huge birthday cake followed by my husband, my kids, my parents, and dozens of my friends and co-workers all singing 'Happy Birthday To You.'
And I just sat there on the couch, my clothes all strewn in a pile on the floor, not really feeling much like talking.
Joke Poo: Why I’m No Longer A Wizard
Morning of my initiation into the Grand Order of Eldoria, I went to the enchanted breakfast nook hoping my mentor, Archmage Bartholomew, would be encouraging and wish me ‘Blessed Ascendance,’ and maybe have a minor artifact as a gift.
Turned out, he grumbled a greeting, let alone ‘Blessed Ascendance.’ I thought, welp, that’s wizardry for you, but the apprentices will surely be more supportive.
The apprentices came clattering downstairs to ladle the enchanted oatmeal but didn’t say a word, so when I left for the Grand Hall, I felt pretty powerless.
Soon as I walked into the Hall, my rival, the smugly powerful Sorcerer Silas, greeted me, “Good morning, fledgling, and, oh, by the way, Blessed Ascendance.” At least someone acknowledged it! That felt marginally empowering!
I practiced my levitation spells straight through without a break, when Silas sauntered over and said, “It’s your Ascendance and a frankly ludicrously sunny day for summoning, what say we skip the ritual? Just you and me.”
I said, “Thanks, Silas. That’s the best offer I’ve had all morning. Let’s go.”
We went out, but not to the usual magically isolated summoning circle. Instead, Silas led me to a secluded grove filled with whispering willow trees and bubbling springs. One vial of aged dragon’s breath ale led to three, and we both had a most enjoyably hazy time.
On the way back to the Grand Hall, Silas said, “Such a gloriously magical day, we don’t have to go straight back to chanting, do we?”
To be honest, I was totally frazzled from the dragon’s breath, so any reason not to go back to the droning incantations sounded OK to me.
“What do you have in mind, Silas?”
Silas pointed down the path: “My chambers are just a quick teleport away. Let’s pop over, OK?”
As soon as we got there, Silas told me “Make yourself comfortable. If you don’t mind, I’m going to nip into the forbidden scrolls room for just a moment. I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere (eyebrow waggle).”
“OK”, I replied, somewhat apprehensively.
Silas went into the forbidden scrolls room and after 2 or 3 minutes he came out carrying a glowing orb of pure magical energy followed by Archmage Bartholomew, my fellow apprentices, my familiar, and dozens of the Order’s highest ranking members all chanting ‘We Welcome You, Ascendant One.’
And I just sat there on the summoning circle, stark naked after attempting to summon a lesser demon to do my laundry (a surprisingly common problem for wizards), not really feeling much like becoming an Archmage.
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then craft some comedic enrichment.
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: A woman feels unappreciated on her birthday, then receives attention from her boss, Chad. This leads to a suggestive scenario at Chad’s apartment.
- Setup: The narrative builds anticipation of an affair between the woman and Chad. The clues are planted: romantic bistro, martinis, “wink-wink”, dropping by his place, “make yourself comfortable.”
- Punchline: The expectation of an affair is subverted when Chad reveals a surprise birthday party. The woman is caught in an embarrassing situation, her clothing scattered, heightening the comedic irony.
- Humor Type: Situational irony, embarrassment comedy, and subverted expectations.
Key Elements:
- The Birthday: A day of expected celebration turned into a disappointment.
- Chad: The charming boss, a catalyst for the unfolding events.
- Martinis: The social lubricant leading to questionable decisions.
- Subverted Expectation: The assumption of an affair versus the reality of a surprise party.
- Public Humiliation: Being caught in a compromising position in front of family, friends and coworkers.
Comedic Enrichment:
Now, using these elements, let’s add some comedic flavor:
Witty Observation:
“You know, the real tragedy here isn’t the divorce, it’s the martinis. Three martinis at lunch? That’s not ‘Happy Birthday,’ that’s a cry for help…or at least a designated driver.”
Did You Know? (Enhanced):
“Did you know that the average American birthday party costs around \$485? I’m guessing Chad’s party, including therapy for everyone involved, probably exceeded that. Also, martinis were reportedly a favorite drink of Franklin D. Roosevelt. So, technically, this woman’s birthday escapade was presidential…ly disastrous.”
New Joke:
Why was the divorce court judge so sympathetic to the husband?
Because he’d also been surprised with a Chad-orchestrated birthday party, and he still can’t look at a olive without shuddering.
Explanation of the new additions:
- The witty observation turns the focus to the irresponsible drinking and makes it part of the humor.
- The “Did You Know” plays on the details of the scene and adds a layer of absurd connection to historical figures to increase the laugh.
- The new joke takes the core concept of the original and twists it to a secondary situation and the potential for a lasting trauma for people involved with “Chad.”