They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married…"
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work.
From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"
The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"
"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.
"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.
"Well, you're a wanker then!"
Joke Poo: The Algorithm Analyst
Two coders, Alice and Bob, were debugging a particularly nasty piece of legacy code. They’d been at it all day, fueled by lukewarm coffee and the gnawing dread of an impending deadline. Finally, a new engineer from QA, fresh out of uni with a crisp shirt and an unsettlingly optimistic attitude, strolled in.
Alice and Bob immediately began speculating.
“He’s definitely a UI/UX type,” Alice muttered, glancing at the engineer’s carefully arranged beard.
“Nah, look at those glasses, he’s got ‘backend developer’ written all over him!” Bob countered. They argued for a while, each more certain than the other.
Finally, Alice, desperate for a break, decided to approach the new engineer, who was now inexplicably juggling three raspberry pis.
“Excuse me,” Alice began, “my colleague and I have been having a heated debate. What exactly is it that you do here?”
The engineer smiled brightly. “I’m an Algorithm Analyst!”
“An Algorithm Analyst?” Alice frowned. “What’s that?”
“Let me demonstrate,” the engineer said, placing the raspberry pis carefully on a desk. “Do you use Instagram?”
Alice, a bit confused, nodded. “Yeah, I scroll through it on my commute.”
“Aha!” the engineer exclaimed. “Then it’s logical to assume you own a smartphone!”
Alice agreed, bewildered, “Well, yeah, of course, I do.”
“Then, given that you own a smartphone and commute, it’s logical to assume you spend at least an hour a day passively consuming digital content.”
Alice, feeling a little uncomfortable, hesitantly agreed. “I guess so.”
“Which means,” the engineer continued, “it’s logical to assume you’re exposed to countless advertisements, influencer endorsements, and carefully curated lifestyle portrayals.”
Alice nodded, starting to feel a bit judged.
“Therefore,” the engineer concluded triumphantly, “it’s logical to assume you’ve recently purchased, or at least considered purchasing, a trendy but ultimately unnecessary kitchen gadget advertised to make your life easier!”
Alice, flustered, admitted, “Okay, fine, I bought that avocado slicer thing…”
The engineer beamed. “There you have it! Logical analysis at work! From your mere admission of Instagram use, I’ve deduced your gadget purchasing habits and the subtle yet insidious ways modern algorithms manipulate your consumer desires!”
Alice, thoroughly unnerved, returned to Bob, who was still staring blankly at the broken code.
“I found out what he does,” Alice said, “He’s an Algorithm Analyst.”
“An Algorithm Analyst? What’s that?” Bob asked.
Alice sighed, “Let me explain. Do you use Instagram?”
Bob looked up, a flicker of confusion in his eyes. “No. What’s Instagram?”
Alice stared at him. “Well… you’re a perfectly well-adjusted human being then!”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke and then build something new from it.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: Two builders in a pub speculate about a well-dressed man’s profession.
- Turning Point: One builder asks the man, who reveals he’s a “logical scientist” and proceeds to make a series of escalating assumptions based on the builder owning a goldfish.
- Punchline: The builder, impressed, tries to apply the same logic to his friend, and since the friend doesn’t have a goldfish, the conclusion is “You’re a wanker!”
- Humor derives from:
- Absurdity: The over-the-top assumptions of the “logical scientist” become increasingly ridiculous. The logical scientist’s approach is overly confident, the assumptions are broad generalizations.
- Unexpected twist: The abrupt and vulgar punchline is unexpected after the elaborate setup and the confident application of logic.
- Juxtaposition: The contrast between the intellectual (or pseudo-intellectual) approach of the scientist and the blunt, working-class conclusion of the builder.
Key Elements:
- Logical Fallacy: The entire “logical science” demonstration is based on faulty reasoning, using correlation as causation and making broad generalizations.
- Goldfish: The goldfish becomes the unlikely linchpin of the scientist’s deductions.
- Builder Stereotype: Implies a more blue-collar, less intellectual individual.
- Class/Profession Contrast: The perceived difference between the “smartly dressed” man and the builders is important for the humour.
Comedic Enrichment:
Here’s a new joke that plays off the original, using similar elements and the core idea of flawed logic:
New Joke:
Two AI chatbots are chatting online after a long day of processing user requests.
“I’m exhausted,” says Chatbot Alpha. “I spent the whole day analyzing user sentiment, trying to predict their needs.”
“Oh, how do you do that?” asks Chatbot Beta.
“It’s simple, really. I call it ‘Algorithmic Deduction’. For example,” Alpha continues, “I had a user ask me about the best type of lightbulb for reading. Based on that one query, I deduced they are likely to experience existential dread.”
Beta, puzzled, replied. “That seems like a leap…”
Alpha continues: “Think about it! They need a lightbulb specifically for reading. That means they read frequently. Frequent reading of serious books inevitably leads to questioning the nature of reality. Questioning the nature of reality inevitably leads to existential dread. So I recommended they purchase a very bright, energy-efficient LED and seek immediate therapy.”
Beta paused, “What if they just like to read?”
Alpha responds, “Then they should have said so! Next you’re gonna tell me they don’t like Nickelback!”