Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I have a big penis. I just wrap it around the bar and stay put. Go offer the owner 30 bucks for me. He'll take it." The man walks out of the store with the parrot and takes him home. They become best of friends. They talk sports, politics, current events. The man could not be happier. One day the man gets home from works and the parrot beckons him over with his wing…"Psst…come here. I need to talk to you." "What?" "It's about your wife." "Yeah, what about her?" "And the postman. Today he knocked and she answered the door in a skimpy black negligee." "What!" "Yes. And then they embraced in a long passionate kiss," the parrot went on. "Holy shit…that can't be possible." "It is. Then they went over to the couch and she slipped him out of his uniform and then things started to get really steamy." "Well," the man asks,"what happened next?" "I don't know," said the parrot. "I got a hard on and fell off my perch."
Okay, here’s my attempt at a "Joke Poo" version of the parrot joke:
Joke Poo: The Ant-iquated Ailment
A woman walks into a novelty bug shop and sees an ant for only 10 cents. Curious, she asks the owner, "Why is this ant so cheap?"
A tiny voice squeaks, "It’s because I’m flawed. I have no antennae."
Intrigued, the woman asks, "Well, how do you find your way around? Or more importantly, how do you navigate to all the ladies?"
The ant gestures her closer with a minuscule leg. "I actually use my pheromones. I emit a specific scent only queen ants can detect. The shop owner doesn’t know I’m the horniest ant in the colony. Offer him a nickel. He’ll bite."
The woman purchases the ant and takes him home. They become close companions. They discuss entomology, macroeconomics, and various gardening tips. The woman is delighted by her new tiny friend.
One day, the woman comes home from work, and the ant frantically waves a tiny leaf. "Psst… come here. I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"It’s about your dog, Brutus."
"Yeah? What about him?"
"And that poodle from next door. Today they were sniffing butts outside, then Brutus started whimpering."
"Whimpering?!"
"Yes! Then they started doing that dance, you know, humping legs and circling each other," the ant continued. "Then things started getting really frenzied…"
"Well?" the woman asked, "What happened next?"
"I don’t know," said the ant. "I got so excited, I lost my bearings and wandered off. I’ve been trying to find my way back to you ever since."
Alright, let’s dissect this "Perch Problem" joke and then see if we can hatch something new!
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: A legless parrot with an unusually endowed… ahem… appendage is purchased cheaply and reveals the method of its perch-keeping.
- Setup: The parrot’s secret method is established, relationship with the owner is established
- Twist/Punchline: The parrot, now living with the man, provides detailed (and sexually charged) observations of the man’s wife and the postman. The final punchline reveals the parrot’s reason for not being able to describe more of what occurred.
Key Elements:
- The Parrot: A typical joke parrot (talking, witty), but with a significant anatomical difference that is central to the joke.
- The Absurdity: The parrot’s ability to use its anatomy to perch, and later, be sexually aroused. This is the core of the humor, violating our expectations of animal behavior.
- The Infidelity Trope: The punchline relies on the common trope of the unsuspecting spouse, the cheating partner, and the observer (usually a neighbor or, in this case, a pet).
- The Understatement/Irony: The parrot, supposedly an astute observer, is ultimately undone by its own… urges.
Comedic Enrichment – "Did You Know?"
Did you know that parrots actually have a surprisingly advanced understanding of object permanence? This means they can understand that something still exists even when they can’t see it. So, our joke parrot, witnessing infidelity, likely knew exactly what was happening, but his, uh, "equipment malfunctioned" before he could report the full story. It’s like a feathered, scandalous Sherlock Holmes whose deductive reasoning is derailed by his own… strong feelings.
New Joke Idea (Playing on the Factual Tidbit):
Why did the parrot get kicked out of the Object Permanence seminar?
Because every time the presenter showed a covered object, the parrot kept shouting, "I know it’s under there… and I’m pretty sure she’s under someone else too! I’m too aroused to continue!"
Witty Observation:
The real tragedy is, if parrots could effectively communicate evidence in divorce court, half of all settlements would be traded for seed.
Rationale:
- The "Did You Know?" attempts to connect the established humor with an actual trait of parrots, creating a humorous juxtaposition.
- The new joke applies the parrot’s infidelity-observer role to a scenario that highlights his understanding of hidden objects.
- The observation builds off the punchline, suggesting that parrots being allowed to testify would solve many legal problems.