He hears a voice call out "Dinnae drink frae that, meester, it's a' fu' o' coo piss an' shite!".
Turning, the hiker sees a Scottish shepherd leaning on a stick, and he replies "I'm terribly sorry, but could you kindly repeat that in the King's English?"
And the shepherd says "Two hands sir – cup your two hands together or you'll spill it!".
Joke Poo: The Astronaut’s Relief
An astronaut is on a spacewalk repairing a satellite when he feels the urgent need to relieve himself. He radios back to Mission Control.
“Houston, this is Apollo Seven. I have a Code Brown situation brewing. Requesting permission to… jettison waste.”
After a moment of crackling silence, Mission Control responds: “Apollo Seven, this is Houston. We copy. However, be advised that Russian cosmonauts are performing maintenance on the International Space Station approximately three hundred meters behind your current position. Repeat your request using only technical terms that are universally understood.”
The astronaut sighs, clears his throat, and replies, “Houston, this is Apollo Seven. I’m experiencing a critical pressure overload in the lower intestinal containment vessel. Requesting immediate deployment of the brown fuel injector. Procedure: Two hands, sir. Cup your two hands together or you’ll miss it!”
Alright, let’s analyze this joke!
Key Elements:
- Setting: Scottish Highlands – Evokes images of vast, rugged landscapes and a specific cultural identity.
- Characters:
- A Tourist – Assumed to be from outside Scotland, perhaps England, concerned with proper language.
- A Scottish Shepherd – Speaks with a strong dialect, representing the local culture.
- Humor: The joke relies on a misunderstanding and a play on language. The tourist asks for clarification in “King’s English,” expecting a refined explanation of the water’s contamination. The shepherd does clarify, but interprets the request literally, giving instructions on how to drink. The humor is in the incongruity and the shepherd’s clever, albeit unhelpful, response.
- Dialect: The heavy Scottish dialect is crucial. It establishes the cultural barrier and sets up the punchline.
Now, let’s enrich this with some related facts and create some new humor:
Fact Tidbit: Did you know that the Scottish Highlands, while seemingly pristine, are actually quite heavily grazed by sheep and cattle? This is partly due to historical land management practices and the importance of livestock farming to the region’s economy. So the shepherd’s assessment of the stream’s contents, while humorous, is likely… somewhat accurate.
New Humor Attempt 1: A “Did You Know?” observation:
“You know, the phrase ‘King’s English’ or ‘Queen’s English’ actually refers to the standard form of English used in official contexts, particularly broadcasting. Ironically, while the tourist thought he was asking for something ‘pure,’ the modern ‘King’s English’ has been heavily influenced by dialects and accents from all over the UK, including Scotland. So, in a way, he was already drinking the shepherd’s wisdom, whether he liked it or not. (And possibly some coo piss).”
New Humor Attempt 2: A related joke, building on the original:
A Scottish shepherd is trying to sell some sheep to an American rancher. The rancher, impressed by the size of the flock, asks, “Tell me, how do you get such healthy, productive sheep?”
The shepherd leans in conspiratorially and says, “Well, it’s a secret passed down through generations. See that burn [stream] over there? Twice a day, I make sure they drink from it. The water’s full of natural minerals and… other stuff.”
The rancher, intrigued, asks, “What kind of ‘other stuff’?”
The shepherd winks and replies, “Let’s just say it gives them… extra ewemph!”
New Humor Attempt 3: A Witty Observation:
The real tragedy of the original joke isn’t the water quality; it’s the tourist’s missed opportunity for a perfect Instagram caption. Imagine: “#ScottishHighlands #PureAsTheDrivenSnow (ExceptWhenCooPissIsInvovled) #AuthenticExperience #WorthIt?”
I think these add layers of humor by either explaining, subverting, or playing with the established premise of the original joke, all while incorporating some interesting facts and playing with expectations. Hope you found them amusing!