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My patient asked, “Doctor, will i be alright?”

Posted on June 8, 2025 by Joke Poo

I said, Let's see, mercury is in uranus right now.

He said, I am not in this astrology stuff.

Me: Me neither, my thermometer just broke.

Joke Poo: The Plumber’s Horoscope

My client asked, "Plumber, will this toilet ever flush right?"

I said, "Let’s see, Jupiter is aligned with the septic tank right now."

He said, "I don’t believe in any of that plumbing mumbo jumbo."

Me: "Me neither, I just saw a rat swim by."

Okay, let’s dissect this joke.

Key Elements:

  1. Doctor/Patient Setting: Creates an expectation of medical advice and seriousness.
  2. "Will I be alright?" Question: A vulnerable plea seeking reassurance.
  3. Misdirection: The doctor’s response about "Mercury in Uranus" sounds like astrology, a field often associated with health predictions (however erroneously).
  4. Punchline: The doctor reveals the "Mercury in Uranus" comment was about a broken thermometer, playing on the double meaning of "Mercury" and the absurdity of a thermometer reading there.
  5. Wordplay/Pun: The humor relies on the similar-sounding phrases and the double meaning of ‘mercury’

Comedic Enrichment:

Let’s focus on the planetary element. Here’s a new joke leveraging the "Mercury in Uranus" and adding a little astronomy spice:

New Joke:

A nervous astrology client rushed into the psychic’s office. "Madame Esmeralda, my chart! My chart! It says Mercury is in Uranus! What does it mean?"

Madame Esmeralda, looking equally flustered, replied, "Well, traditionally, that means a period of… erratic communication, unexpected disruptions, and a general feeling of… discomfort in the lower regions."

The client gasped, "Oh no! Am I doomed?!"

Esmeralda sighs, "Actually, between you and me, astronomers just confirmed it. Mercury really is in Uranus. Turns out, after billions of years of orbiting, someone finally managed to miscalculate orbital mechanics by a long shot. And, I hope I am wrong, but their calculation involves you."

Why this works:

  • Builds on the original: It directly references "Mercury in Uranus" in the same astrological context.
  • Adds a layer of absurdity: The punchline suggests an astronomer’s literal miscalculation of orbital mechanics, making it a real planetary event, which involves, somehow, the client.
  • Playful cynicism: The psychic offers a traditional astrological interpretation, but hints that it is incorrect.
  • Incorporates real science (sort of): While Mercury couldn’t literally "be in" Uranus, it plays on the idea of orbital mechanics and the fact that everything in the solar system is in constant motion.
  • Amplifies the discomfort: I doubled down on the ‘discomfort in the lower regions’

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