A Horse is watching tv one night and he turns it to MTV. He sees this pretty good music video of a rock band (this happened a long time ago) and he suddenly feels inspired. The song is sick, with a great beat, and the Horse just can't get it out of his head. It consumes his every waking moment and he decides that he is going to become a musician.
So the Horse calls up the local music store to inquire about guitar prices. They have some stuff well within his budget, and even offer lessons. The Horse is concerned and admits to the guy at the store that he is a horse, which might be an impediment to learning how to play the guitar. The guy at the store happily explains that it shouldn't be an issue, and that they have an entire program just for teaching horses how to play the guitar.
So the Horse buys his guitar and takes the lessons and spend all of his time practicing. Once he is happy with his progress, he calls his friend the Cow. The Cow comes over and the Horse starts off by showing him the original music video. The Cow is pretty impressed with that, and even more impressed when the Horse pulls out his own guitar and is able to replicate the sick riffs of the song. The Cow asks the Horse how he learned how to do that and the Horse is happy to explain.
So the Cow calls up the music store and asks if they have any bass guitars for sale. They certainly do and they even offer lessons. The Cow is excited, but concerned and admits to the guy at the store that he is a cow, and has no idea how he could ever learn how to play the bass. The guy at the store is unconcerned and happily explains that it shouldn't be an issue. They have an entire program just for teaching cows how to play the bass.
So the Cow gets his bass and starts practicing. He takes lessons at the store and once he reaches a certain level of skill, he starts going over to the Horse's house to practice together. The Horse and the Cow spend most evenings rocking out in the Horse's garage and having the time of there lives when one evening their friend the Chicken walks by. The Chicken is blown away by what the Horse and Cow are able to do. The show the Chicken the music video and excitedly explain their experiences at the music store.
So the Chicken calls up the music store to ask about drum kits. The guy at the store is happy to sell an entire drum kit and offers free lessons if the Chicken is willing to pay upfront. The Chicken is concerned and admits to the guy at the store that he is a chicken, which might cause some problems when trying to play the drums. The guy at the store happily explains that it shouldn't be an issue, and that they have an entire program just for teaching chickens how to play the drums.
So the Chicken takes the lessons and buys the drums and it isn't long before the Horse, the Cow, and the Chicken are all playing in the Horses garage every evening after work. They perfect the song from the original music video and start experimenting with their other favorite songs. Some months go by and they even start writing a few songs of their own. They get a gig at the local bowling alley, and another at a nearby bar. It is a modest success, confined to local places, but they do start to gain a dedicated following.
After a show one night, they are approached by a very professional looking man in a suit. The man claims to be a manager and producer and says that he is interested in working with them. The Horse and the Cow and the Chicken spend some days talking and thinking it over and they eventually come to the agreement that they want to move forward with the man.
So they call the man up and begin the next phase of their success. They write more songs, do some recording, and learn a little bit about the production side of things as they put together their first album. It is the right mix of derivative and original and their manager is convinced that it is going to take them far. Just before the album is going to release, the manager tells them that he has set up this big show for them in Vegas. It will be the thing that gets everyone's eyes on them and prime audiences to be ready for the album.
Just as they are about to fly out, the Horse gets a call. His mother is in the hospital. He needs to rush over there, but promises to catch the next available flight to Vegas. The hospital trip turns out to be a false alarm. The Horse's mother is fine.
So the Horse calls the hotel in Vegas so that he can coordinate another flight with the manager. And that is when he learns about the plane crash. The Horse's blood runs cold. The Cow and the Chicken and their manager all perished in the crash. The guitars and drums and amps and all the other equipment were all destroyed as well. The Horse is bereft. He wanders aimlessly through the next several months. His best friends in the whole world are dead. His ticket to success has vanished. And the thing that brought him such joy holds no luster for him any longer. Music rings hollow to his ears, and nothing seems able to take the place of everything that he has lost. And finally he gives up. He decides that he is just going to drink himself to death.
So the Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?"
Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” based on the original, titled “The Compost Heap”:
Title: The Compost Heap
A Carrot is browsing the internet one day and stumbles upon a cooking blog. He sees a beautifully plated salad, vibrant with color and bursting with freshness, and a sudden wave of inspiration washes over him. The combination of textures and flavors captivates him, and he decides that he must become a chef.
So the Carrot calls up the local culinary school to inquire about their programs. They have a variety of courses, ranging from basic knife skills to advanced pastry techniques. The Carrot is concerned and admits to the administrator that he is, well, a carrot, which might make things a little tricky in the kitchen. The administrator happily explains that it shouldn’t be an issue, and that they have a dedicated program for teaching vegetables how to cook.
So the Carrot enrolls, buys his chef’s whites, and spends all his time practicing his mirepoix. Once he’s mastered hollandaise and can julienne like a pro, he calls his friend, the Potato. The Potato comes over, and the Carrot proudly shows him the fancy salad he made. The Potato is incredibly impressed, especially when the Carrot describes all the delicate flavors and techniques involved. The Potato asks the Carrot how he learned all this, and the Carrot enthusiastically explains his culinary journey.
So the Potato calls the culinary school and asks if they have any programs on bread baking. They certainly do and even offer scholarship options. The Potato is excited but concerned and admits to the administrator that he is a potato, and isn’t sure how he could possibly learn to bake bread. The administrator is unconcerned and happily explains that it shouldn’t be an issue. They have an entire program just for teaching root vegetables how to bake.
So the Potato gets his sourdough starter and starts practicing. He takes classes at the school, and once he can consistently produce a perfect loaf, he starts going over to the Carrot’s place to collaborate on culinary creations. The Carrot and the Potato spend their evenings developing innovative flavor pairings and crafting elaborate dishes when one day their friend, the Onion, drops by. The Onion is blown away by what the Carrot and Potato are doing. They show the Onion their creations and excitedly explain their experiences at the culinary school.
So the Onion calls the culinary school to inquire about their wine pairing courses. The administrator is happy to explain their offerings and says that they have a master sommelier on staff. The Onion is concerned and admits to the administrator that he is an onion, which might present some challenges in accurately discerning subtle flavor notes. The administrator happily explains that it shouldn’t be an issue and that they have an entire program designed to help alliums develop their palates.
So the Onion takes the courses and develops an impressive wine knowledge, and soon the Carrot, the Potato, and the Onion are all cooking and creating together every evening after work. They perfect classic dishes and begin to develop their own unique recipes. After a few months, they get a catering gig at a local farm-to-table event and then a regular slot at a trendy food truck park. They gain a small but loyal following.
After a particularly successful event, they are approached by a well-dressed individual who claims to be a food critic. The critic claims to be impressed with the group and says that they’re interested in writing a review. The Carrot, Potato, and Onion discuss it for days and eventually agree that they want to work with the critic.
So they call the critic up and begin the next phase of their culinary careers. They refine their menu, experiment with new ingredients, and learn a little about food styling as they prepare for the review. The review is overwhelmingly positive and their manager is convinced that it is going to get them far. Just before the review is going to publish, the critic tells them that they have arranged a big profile piece for them in a major food magazine. It will get everyone’s eyes on them and prime audiences to be ready for the review.
Just as they are about to do the photoshoot for the profile, the Carrot gets a call. His compost pile is overflowing. He needs to rush over there but promises to be back in time for the shoot. The compost trip turns out to be a total nightmare. The Carrot’s compost pile is far larger and more unmanageable than he remembered.
So the Carrot calls the magazine office so that he can coordinate another date with the critic. And that is when he learns about the compost truck incident. The Potato and the Onion and their critic all tragically perished in the industrial accident. The pots, pans, mixing bowls, and all the other equipment were all destroyed as well. The Carrot is devastated. He wanders aimlessly through the next several months. His best friends in the whole world are gone. His ticket to success has rotted away. And the thing that brought him such joy holds no luster for him any longer. Cooking sounds hollow to his ears, and nothing seems able to take the place of everything that he has lost. And finally, he gives up. He decides that he is just going to decompose in his compost pile.
So the Carrot throws himself into the compost heap, and the worm says, “Why the long face?”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and then trot out some fresh humor.
Core Elements of the Joke:
- Setup: Animals (Horse, Cow, Chicken) inspired by a music video to become musicians.
- Absurdity: Music store caters specifically to animal musicians, seemingly normalizing the bizarre premise.
- Tragedy: A meteoric rise to potential fame cut short by a plane crash, killing the Cow, Chicken, and manager.
- Punchline: A classic, almost dismissive, “Why the long face?” delivered to the distraught horse. The humor comes from the bartender’s oblivious cliché in the face of profound loss.
Humor Enrichment and “Did You Know” Enhancement
Here’s a new joke riffing on the original, incorporating a factual element about animals and music:
New Joke:
A snail decides to become a musician. He’s inspired by a thrash metal band and wants to learn to play the drums. He calls up the local music store. The guy answers and says, “Welcome to Pete’s Percussion! How can I help you?”
The snail says, “I want to learn the drums. I’m a snail, though. Is that going to be a problem?”
The guy on the phone sighs and says, “Oh, not at all. We have a whole program for snails! We just have to modify the drum kit. It’s called ‘Echolocation Percussion.'”
The snail is excited. He learns the drums, forms a band, and they get surprisingly popular. A big producer approaches them. He says, “I love your sound! It’s fresh, it’s unique, it’s… really, really slow.”
The snail, puffing out his chest with pride, says, “That’s because we use gastropod time! You see, because of the physics of mucus, the speed of sound is naturally different for me. What you hear as slow is actually faster than anything a human could imagine!”
The producer nods slowly (ironically). “Fascinating… By the way, want to hear my pitch?”
The snail replies, “Okay! …But can you wait ten years?”
“Did You Know” Twist:
Did you know that while cows and horses may not be shredding guitar solos anytime soon, scientists have observed that cows respond positively to music, particularly slower classical pieces? Apparently, it can actually increase their milk production! So, maybe the “Cows playing Bass” program isn’t so far-fetched after all… they might just be trying to boost the local dairy output.