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An Amputee with no arms or legs was sunbathing on the beach

Posted on June 12, 2025 by Joke Poo

A woman walking by stops and says "Oh dear you poor man, have you ever been kissed before?" the man confused says "no?" the woman proceeds to give the man a kiss and walks off.

Few minutes later another woman walks by and says "Gosh, have you ever been fucked before?"

The man gets all excited and responds "No I havent!"

The woman replies "Well you will be in five minutes the tide is coming in"

Joke Poo: The Lost Tourist

A GPS-enabled Roomba, having malfunctioned, found itself stranded in the Sahara Desert. It spun helplessly in circles, its battery critically low.

A grizzled old Berber nomad, leading his camel caravan, spotted the Roomba. He stopped, intrigued. "Allah be praised! Have you ever seen sand dunes before, little metal one?"

The Roomba, its voice synthesized and crackling with static, beeped mournfully, "Negative."

The Berber, filled with pity, carefully scooped up the Roomba and polished its sensor with his turban. A few minutes later, a young, fashionable tourist, also lost, stumbled upon the scene.

Seeing the Berber with the Roomba, she exclaimed, "Oh my god! Is that a Roomba? Have you ever seen a Wi-Fi hotspot before?"

The Roomba, its charging light flickering hopefully, managed a weak "Negative."

The tourist sighed dramatically and said, "Well, you will be in about two days. The dung beetles are coming."

Alright, let’s break down this dark and potentially offensive joke and see if we can extract some humor to spin off a new, less… "tidal wave" inducing gag.

Joke Dissection:

  • Core Element 1: Extreme Disability. The amputee with no arms or legs is the central figure, immediately establishing a situation of complete dependence. This sets up a scenario where vulnerability is paramount.
  • Core Element 2: Unexpected Charity/Pity Kisses. The first woman’s kiss is presented as an act of pity, disrupting the norm of romantic/sexual initiation. This creates initial awkwardness, playing on expectations.
  • Core Element 3: False Hope & Cruel Twist. The second woman’s question about being "fucked" creates a surge of (perhaps misguided) hope in the amputee. This is abruptly and brutally dashed by the tide-related punchline. The humor relies on the shock value of the sudden, unavoidable peril and the inherent absurdity of the situation.
  • Core Element 4: The Tide. The rising tide is the ultimate agent of (dark) comedic fate. It is a symbol of inevitability and powerlessness, emphasizing the man’s utterly compromised position.

Issues: The joke’s humor is heavily dependent on a grotesque scenario and a punchline that flirts with, and arguably crosses the line into, ableist cruelty.

Let’s try to find a funnier path. I will now remove the disability element, as this is what makes it highly offensive, and create something that is situational with a silly pun.

New Joke Idea:

A tourist is lying on a beach, completely relaxed. A woman walks by and asks, "Excuse me, have you ever been kissed by the ocean?"

The tourist, intrigued, replies, "No, I haven’t!"

The woman smiles and says, "Well, you will be in five minutes. Tide’s coming in!"

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