The starter tells him there is another single so if it's ok he's going to pair them up.
The two are really enjoying each other's company when the first golfer asks what the other does for a living.
"I'm a hit man," the second guy replies.
"No kidding?" the first guy says.
The second guy says "let me show you." So he reaches in his golf bag and pulls out a stand, high powered rifle and scope. He tells the first guy you look through the scope.
So the guy looks through the scope and says "wow is this ever powerful, I can see my house from here. Oh look our bedroom curtains open and there's my beautiful wife walking around naked. Wait a second, there's my neighbour Joe and he's naked too and getting in bed with her."
After some reflection he asks the second guy how much he charges for a hit.
The hitman replies "it's $10,000 every time I pull the trigger."
The first guy says "ok I want 2 hits. Shoot my wife in the mouth for daring to berate me for playing golf and yelling all the time when in fact she's cheating on me. And for the other shot I want you to shoot Joe's dick off. He's a decent guy and doesn't deserve to die but he has to pay for sleeping with my wife."
So the hitman sets up the rifle, points it at the window and waits, and waits and waits.
After a couple of minutes the first guy gets nervous and asks the hitman if he is going to take the shots or not.
"Just be patient," the hitman says. "I think I can save you $10,000."
Joke Poo: The Bake-Off Betrayal
A renowned pastry chef, Pierre, enters a prestigious baking competition as a solo act. The organizer informs him that another solo competitor, Agnes, is also competing, and suggests pairing them for the team challenge.
Pierre and Agnes find they have a lot in common and enjoy working together. During a break, Pierre asks Agnes what she usually does.
"I’m a food critic," Agnes replies.
"No way!" Pierre exclaims.
Agnes says, "Let me show you what I mean." She pulls out a pair of high-powered binoculars from her bag and says "Here, look through these."
Pierre looks through the binoculars. "Wow! These are powerful! I can see my bakery from here. Oh look, the back entrance is unlocked, and there’s my assistant, Jacques, mixing ingredients. Wait a minute! There’s Beatrice, my prized poodle, and she’s lapping up batter right from the bowl!"
After a moment of stunned silence, he asks Agnes, "How much would it cost me for a scathing review?"
Agnes replies, "It’s usually $5,000 per star lost from the final rating."
Pierre says, "Okay, I want two hits. One, take off a star because Beatrice has dared to eat my precious batter, something I specifically said not to do. And for the other star, I want you to say that Jacques used expired yeast. He’s a good kid and doesn’t deserve to be fired but he has to pay for letting Beatrice have her way"
Agnes positions the binoculars, focusing intently, and just watches.
After a while, Pierre gets fidgety and asks if she’s going to take the review or not.
"Just be patient," Agnes replies. "I think I can save you $5,000."
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and then build some comedic gold from its elements.
Joke Deconstruction:
- Setup: Two single golfers are paired up. One reveals he’s a hitman.
- Twist: The first golfer sees his wife cheating through the hitman’s scope.
- Conflict: The golfer wants revenge (specifically, bizarrely, aimed at body parts).
- Punchline: The hitman hesitates because he sees an opportunity to save the golfer money, implying the wife and neighbor are about to do something deserving of a free hit (likely killing each other in the act).
- Key Elements: Golf, infidelity, hitman profession, delayed gratification/revenge, the surprisingly specific nature of the golfer’s desires.
Comedic Enrichment:
Okay, so the core here is the delayed gratification and the economizing hitman. Let’s run with that:
New Observation/Joke:
The Observation: The real problem with outsourcing your revenge isn’t the cost, it’s the loss of control. You’re relying on a professional who, let’s be honest, is probably thinking more about efficiency than satisfying your extremely specific, emotionally-charged demands. Like, are you SURE you want to hamstring Joe? Have you really considered the long-term ramifications of a non-lethal castration on your standing in the neighborhood? It’s a delicate social ecosystem!
(Alt punchline option) The Joke:
A man hires a hitman to take out his noisy neighbor. The hitman says, "I charge $50,000." The man is shocked. "That’s outrageous! Why so much?" The hitman replies, "Supply and demand. Everyone wants to eliminate their noisy neighbors, but I’ve found the real money is in soundproofing their apartments."
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OR
Comedic "Did You Know?" (Related to Hitmen and Efficiency):
Did you know? In some hypothetical studies (let’s call them "Fictional Crime Synergies"), economists have argued that professional hitmen actually decrease overall crime rates. The theory is that their efficiency in targeting specific individuals removes the need for broader, less precise criminal actions that would inevitably affect innocent bystanders. Think of it as "precision crime" – like keyhole surgery for society’s ills. Of course, these studies are based on the assumption that hitmen always get the right target…which, statistically speaking, is probably no more accurate than the average golfer’s drive.
Explanation of Comedic Effect:
- Observation: Plays on the inherent absurdity of planning the "perfect" revenge, highlighting the loss of control and the cold, calculating nature of a professional hitman. The humor comes from the contrast between the emotion involved and the detached, practical approach of the hitman.
- The Joke: Modernizes the idea of a hitman, in that it would almost seem "outdated" to use a hitman for a crime that could be solved through more modern means.
- Did You Know?: The "Did You Know?" uses mock-seriousness and pseudo-intellectualism to create humor. The juxtaposition of "efficient" murder with real-world golf mishaps and the absurdity of "precision crime" makes the statement funny. The underlying joke is that the idea is both ridiculous and vaguely plausible.
In summary, the original joke’s strength lies in the twist of the cheating wife and the hitman’s unexpected pragmatism. These extensions explore those themes further, adding layers of absurdity and unexpected viewpoints.