John said he had gone through training and was in flight on a plane for the first jump. All his class mates had already jumped and besides the pilot, only he and the instructor were left. John tells his friend, "I looked out the door and froze with fright and told the instructor I wouldn't be able to jump."
His friend is glued to the story and asks what happened next. He continues. "My instructor was a muscular, intimidating fellow. He leaned over and clearly stated, "If you don't jump you'll ruin my record of 100% of my students graduating. So either jump or I'm pulling down your pants, bending you over, and f@#$ing that ass of yours."
His friend was almost speechless at this. A few seconds later he asked, "Did you jump?!?"
John replied "Just a little."
Joke Poo: The Pottery Class
Title: Joke Poo: The Pottery Class
Agnes was telling her friend about her pottery class.
Agnes said she had gone through the lessons and was finally at the point where she had to create her first "major" piece. All her classmates had already completed theirs, and besides the instructor, only she was left. Agnes tells her friend, "I looked at the clay and froze with frustration and told the instructor I wouldn’t be able to do it. I just couldn’t shape it properly."
Her friend is glued to the story and asks what happened next. She continues. "My instructor was a large, intimidating woman. She leaned over and clearly stated, ‘If you don’t mold this clay, you’ll ruin my record of 100% of my students completing the course. So either shape that clay, or I’m pulling down your pants, bending you over, and using that as the mold!’"
Her friend was almost speechless at this. A few seconds later she asked, "Did you mold it?!?"
Agnes replied, "Just a little."
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then craft some comedic offshoots.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Concept: The joke hinges on the unexpected and absurd threat used by the skydiving instructor to overcome the student’s fear. It’s a subversion of the expectation that an instructor would be encouraging and supportive.
- Key Elements:
- Skydiving Setting: Sets the stage for a high-stakes, adrenaline-fueled situation.
- Instructor’s Personality: Contrasted with expectations. Initially depicted as intimidating, but then becomes outrageously threatening in a darkly comedic way.
- The Threat: The punchline. A bizarre and inappropriate response to fear.
- John’s Response: The ambiguity and understatement of "Just a little" after such an extreme threat.
Comedic Enrichment:
Now, let’s use some skydiving-related facts/concepts to generate new humor:
1. The "Did You Know?" Angle:
"Did you know that a skydiver experiencing ‘fear-induced paralysis’ is actually less likely to move and interfere with the instructor’s intervention? So the instructor’s ‘motivation technique,’ while… unconventional… was probably completely unnecessary, and probably constitutes assault."
2. The Cynical Observation:
"This instructor’s solution is just a microcosm of modern motivation. Instead of inspiring confidence, we threaten catastrophic humiliation. Makes you wonder if ‘human resources’ has a skydiving certificate now."
3. The Meta-Joke (Playing on the Joke’s Structure):
"I heard a similar story about a mindfulness retreat. A guy was having trouble meditating, and the instructor, a former cage fighter, whispered, ‘If you don’t reach inner peace in the next five minutes, I’m going to tie your chakras in a knot.’"
4. A Skydiving Fact-Turned-Absurd:
"The average skydiver falls at about 120 mph. Which means, hypothetically, if you did jump ‘just a little’… you’d still be falling pretty damn fast, wouldn’t you? Probably faster than most divorces get finalized."
5. New Joke:
A man calls a skydiving company to complain. "My instructor threatened to… uh… engage in indecent behavior if I didn’t jump!"
The skydiving company owner replies, "Sir, I assure you, that’s not our standard procedure. Did you jump?"
"Yes, of course! But I’m still traumatized!"
"Well, that’s a relief. We were afraid we’d have to dock his bonus; our customer satisfaction is 99%."
I believe these examples keep the spirit of the original joke while incorporating some "skydiving facts" or concepts.