A newlywed couple had just finished having sex one evening in their home. Both happy, the woman told her husband she would be right back and went to the bathroom to freshen up while he sat on the end of the bed.
A few minutes passed, and the man wondered why his wife was taking so long since he didn't hear the shower running, so he decided to go and investigate. He knocked on the bathroom door and asked her, "Everything OK in there?"
"No," she replied.
He opened the door to find his wife on the toilet, still naked. He asked her what the problem was.
"I'm stuck," she said, on the verge of tears.
"Dammit," he said to her, "I repaired this seat an hour ago, the epoxy glue is still a bit tacky."
It wasn't her fault; he'd forgotten to mention it to her earlier, so he calmly explained how he had fixed the cracked toilet seat in the meantime and was going to replace it with a new one first thing the next morning. He advised her to hang on as he went back into the bedroom, put on a pair of boxers, and called 911. He returned to the bathroom after that, and assured her help was on the way, telling her he loved her and it would be OK soon.
Half an hour later, as the EMT arrived, the husband let them in, and told them to wait a sec.
He poked his head through the slightly open bathroom door, telling his wife, "They're here to help you honey, don't worry."
"Wait," she said, "In case they're men, shouldn't I have something to cover up with?"
Hesitating for a moment, her husband grabbed a cowboy hat from the shelf above the toilet, and handed it to her.
"Here, put this over your um, private part."
The paramedics went to the bathroom, and saw the anxious woman, stuck to the toilet.
"Can you help her?" asked the husband.
"We can save your wife sir," one of them said to him, "But the fella under the hat's a goner."
Joke Poo: The Parrot Problem
A seasoned pirate captain and his first mate, Finn, were enjoying a rare calm evening aboard their ship. They had just finished dividing the spoils from their latest raid. The captain, satisfied, told Finn he’d be right back and went to relieve himself in the captain’s personal head (bathroom).
A few minutes passed, and Finn wondered why the captain was taking so long; he didn’t hear the usual sounds of, well, pirate business. He cautiously knocked on the door and asked, "Cap’n, everything shipshape in there?"
"No," a strained voice replied.
Finn cautiously opened the door to find the captain on the toilet, pants down. He asked what the matter was.
"I’m stuck, blast it!" the captain exclaimed, face red with exertion.
"Shiver me timbers," Finn muttered, "I replaced the rope holding the seat an hour ago, and that knot is still a bit tight."
It wasn’t the captain’s fault; Finn had forgotten to mention the makeshift repair. He calmly explained the situation, adding that he planned to find a proper replacement rope in the next port. He advised the captain to hold tight as he went back on deck, grabbed a bottle of rum, and signaled the nearest passing merchant ship with a distress flag. After returning to the bathroom, Finn assured the captain help was on its way, telling him to stay strong.
Half an hour later, as the ship’s carpenter arrived, guided by Finn, the captain told them to wait a moment.
He peeked his head through the slightly open bathroom door, telling the captain, "They’re here to help you, Cap’n, don’t fret."
"Wait," the captain croaked, "In case that carpenter is a nosy sort, shouldn’t I have something to cover me… you know?"
Hesitating for a moment, Finn grabbed the captain’s treasured pet parrot, Percy, from his perch nearby and reluctantly handed it over.
"Here, put this over your… um, your treasure."
The carpenter approached the bathroom, and saw the sweating Captain, struggling on the toilet.
"Can you help my captain?" asked Finn.
"We can save your Captain, sir," the carpenter said grimly, "But the parrot underneath is screwed."
Alright, let’s break down this "sticky situation" joke and then cook up some comedic enhancement.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Concept: The humor derives from the incongruity of a serious, embarrassing situation (being glued to a toilet) being addressed with a completely inadequate solution for modesty (a cowboy hat). The punchline then delivers the final blow with the paramedics’ assessment, prioritizing the hat’s salvage over the… other thing.
- Key Elements:
- The Glue: Epoxy glue, specifically mentioned for its strong bonding properties.
- The Toilet Seat: An everyday, mundane object that becomes the source of an extraordinary problem.
- The Cowboy Hat: A symbol of masculinity and the Wild West, ludicrously repurposed for modesty.
- The Paramedics: The voice of reason (or, in this case, humorous pragmatism) who deliver the punchline.
- The Nakedness: The elephant in the room (or, the absence thereof).
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s leverage some of these elements for a new joke/observation.
Option 1: Playing on the Glue:
Why did the toilet seat break up with the epoxy glue? Because it said, "I need some space! You’re too clingy!" And the epoxy replied "But without me, you’re nothing!"
Option 2: Witty Observation
Fun fact: The active ingredient of most Super Glues and Epoxies is Cyanoacrylate. That’s why I always carry a bottle of nail polish remover (Acetone) with me on dates. You never know when you might need to de-stick a sticky situation. Or a bad pick-up.
Option 3: "Did You Know" (with a Twist):
Did you know that cowboys, contrary to popular belief, rarely used their hats for modesty? Instead, the hat served as a fan, a water bowl for their horse, and most famously, a way to identify a fellow cowboy in a saloon. And as a bonus: as a last-ditch effort to preserve modesty.
Option 4: A Quick One-Liner
A guy calls 911 to help his wife who is stuck to the toilet. The operator asks, "Is it an emergency?" The husband replies, "Well, she’s been there for a half hour… and I really need to use the bathroom."
These options either directly build on the original joke’s elements (glue, cowboy hat) or introduce a quirky, unexpected twist that is related to the original theme.