He's been to several doctors, but none of them know what's wrong. Desperate, he reaches out to the local priest.
He says, "Father, I don't believe in this religious mumbo jumbo, but I'm out of options. My wife is threatening to leave! What can God do for me?"
The pastor says, "My son, you must give everything to God. In doing so, all shall be well."
So the farmer leaves. Soon, though, he starts coming to church every single day at 6 pm. At first the pastor is pleased. But week by week, his congregation thins.
Within a month, the farmer is the only one left in attendance. Confused, the pastor approaches him and asks, "Well my child, did God help your flatulence issues?"
And the farmer says, "He did father. I used to just fart whenever I needed to. But now, I wait until 6, and give all I've got to God!"
Joke Poo: The Accountant’s Audit
An accountant has been making a lot of questionable deductions on his taxes. He’s been to several CPAs, but none of them can figure out how he’s getting away with it. Desperate, fearing an IRS audit, he reaches out to a renowned, ruthless forensic accountant.
He says, “Ms. Sterling, I don’t believe in these ethical guidelines, but I’m out of options. My wife is threatening to divorce me! What can I do to avoid jail time?”
Ms. Sterling says, “Mr. Henderson, you must give everything to the books. In doing so, you may uncover a hidden truth.”
So the accountant leaves. Soon, though, he starts calling Ms. Sterling every single day at 3 PM. At first, she’s pleased. But week by week, her other clients become frustrated, unable to get through to her.
Within a month, the accountant is the only one calling. Annoyed, Ms. Sterling approaches him and asks, “Well, Mr. Henderson, did dedicating yourself to the books solve your deduction issues?”
And the accountant says, “It did, Ms. Sterling. I used to just fudge the numbers whenever I needed to. But now, I wait until 3, and give all my creative accounting to the books!”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke.
Key Elements:
- The Problem: Excessive flatulence. Humorous due to the embarrassing and socially unacceptable nature of farting.
- The Desperation: The farmer’s desperation adds to the humor, highlighting the severity of the problem from his perspective.
- The Unconventional Solution: Seeking help from a priest when conventional medical advice fails. This relies on the stereotype that religion is a last resort.
- The Religious Mumbo Jumbo Skepticism: The farmer’s admission that he doesn’t believe in religion creates a contrast to the eventual “religious” solution.
- The Vague Advice: The priest’s advice is intentionally vague, leading to a misinterpretation. This is a classic setup for comedic irony.
- The Misinterpretation: The farmer interprets “give everything to God” literally, choosing to release his flatulence during church service.
- The Irony: The solution has the opposite of the intended effect, emptying the church instead of helping the farmer.
- The Punchline: The final line reveals the ridiculousness of the farmer’s interpretation and the unintended consequence. The farmer gave all he’s got, in a literal bodily function sense.
Factual/Interesting Tidbits to Spark New Humor:
- Flatulence Composition: Human farts are composed of various gases, including nitrogen, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, methane, and hydrogen sulfide. It’s the hydrogen sulfide that causes the signature smell.
- The Sound: The “fart” noise is actually not the gases but the vibrations of the sphincter muscle!
- Methane & Flame: Although farts contain methane, they’re not always flammable. Only about a third of humans produce farts with enough methane to ignite. This flammability is dependent on the gut bacteria composition.
- Historical Flatulence Remedies: In ancient times, people believed that certain herbs and spices could cure flatulence. These included caraway seeds, fennel seeds, and ginger.
- Religious Rules on Flatulence: Some religions have specific rules regarding flatulence during prayer or worship. For example, certain Islamic traditions require a ritual cleansing (Wudu) after breaking wind before prayer.
New Humor:
Joke 1 (Playing on the farmer’s ignorance):
A farmer went to a chemist complaining about his excessive flatulence. The chemist, intrigued, asked, “What have you been eating?”
The farmer replied, “Mostly beans, cabbage, and the occasional apple…though last week I gave the apples a miss. I had a bad batch.”
The chemist frowned. “Sir, I would highly recommend you give the cabbage and beans a miss as well.”
The farmer frowned. “You mean miss the farts themselves? I’m not made of methane, I need my daily allowance of methane for energy!”
Joke 2 (Darker humor based on the ingredients):
Why did the priest close down his church after the farmer started attending?
Because he couldn’t handle the sulfur emissions during communion. He kept mistaking the smell for brimstone! The farmer was giving them a little taste of hell.
Witty Observation:
The farmer’s flatulence situation is a perfect example of a negative feedback loop. The more uncomfortable the problem, the more he tries to solve it, the worse the solution gets. It’s like trying to put out a fire with gasoline… made of methane!
Amusing “Did You Know” with a Punchline:
Did you know that the average person farts 14-23 times a day? Imagine if everyone donated all their farts to the local church. That would create the holiest gas cloud in town!
Joke 3 (Playing on Flammability):
A farmer complaining of gas issues went to his doctor who advised him to change his diet. A week later, he returned still complaining, the doctor asks; “what did you eat this week?”
The Farmer replied “well I was told to eat light, so I had a match!”
The doctor was horrified. “A Match! Are you crazy?!”
The farmer replied “well it was better than a candle, they said no heavy meals”