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A Brit starts smoking in a bus in Germany.

Posted on October 26, 2025 by Joke Poo

A German man yells at him. The British, confused, asks "What, do you want a cigarette?"

"Nein", says the German.

"Bloody Germans", says the Brit. "One, two, three.."

Okay, here’s my attempt:

Joke Poo: A Canadian Goose at a Board Meeting

A Canadian goose waddles into a high-powered board meeting at a tech company in Silicon Valley. The CEO, mid-presentation on quarterly profits, stops abruptly.

The CEO stares at the goose. The goose honks loudly.

“Excuse me?” the CEO says, trying to regain composure. “Are you… trying to say something?”

The goose honks again, then proceeds to defecate right on the boardroom table, scattering the documents.

The CEO, utterly dumbfounded, finally manages to sputter, “Well, that was uncalled for!”

The goose, now finished, looks directly at the CEO and mutters, “Bloody shareholders… Honk, Honk, Honk…”

Alright, let’s break down this joke and then see if we can cook up some fresh comedic material from it.

Joke Dissection:

  • Core Concept: The joke relies on the clash of cultural norms and expectations regarding smoking etiquette, language barriers, and a misunderstanding fueled by counting.
  • Key Elements:
    • British Stereotype: Implies a certain brazenness or disregard for rules, perhaps a historical sense of colonial entitlement, or merely cultural ignorance.
    • German Stereotype: Focuses on rule-following, directness, and a perceived lack of humor (though this is more implied than stated).
    • Language Barrier: The Brit doesn’t understand the German’s initial objection, assuming it’s an offer.
    • The Punchline: The Brit’s counting is ambiguous. It could be counting exhales (as a passive-aggressive act of defiance), seconds until he’s done, or even imaginary scores in a one-sided nationalistic competition. The ambiguity is what makes it funny.
    • Smoking: The action itself is the catalyst, triggering the interaction.

Comedic Enrichment Ideas:

Here are a few approaches, each with a slightly different flavor:

1. The Factual “Did You Know” with a Twist:

“Did you know that smoking is actually more prevalent in Germany than in the UK? While smoking bans are widespread in both countries, the Germans are known for their acceptance of it as a cultural habit, especially in open-air settings. This makes the joke even funnier, because the German is likely mad at him for another reason – maybe he was blocking his view of the autobahn construction.”

2. A New Joke Building on the Premise:

A German walks onto a bus in Britain, pulls out a sausage, and starts loudly munching. A British woman politely coughs.

The German, equally confused, asks, “Was? Vurst? [sausage]”

“No, thank you,” replies the woman.

“Bloody Brits,” mutters the German, “no appreciation for a good wurst… probably only like their bland tea and warm beer…” He then proceeds to dunk the sausage in his lukewarm beverage

3. Witty Observation/One-liner:

“The real tragedy isn’t the cigarette; it’s the missed opportunity for an international incident over the definition of ‘passive-aggressive.'”

4. Building on the Counting:

Later, the Brit meets a German statistician at a pub. He orders a pint, chugs half, and says, “Cheers.”

The German statistician, looking concerned, says, “You know, only 60% of cheers are actually genuine. The remaining 40% are either ironic, sarcastic, or socially mandated.”

The Brit, taking another swig, replies, “Bloody hell… one, two, three… four, five… statistically, that’s about right.”

Explanation of Choices:

  • The “Did You Know” subverts the stereotype by introducing a factual element that contradicts the initial assumption.
  • The new joke mirrors the structure but uses a different cultural misunderstanding, playing on food stereotypes instead of smoking.
  • The one-liner focuses on the core miscommunication and the potential for conflict escalation.
  • The statistical joke builds on the Brit’s counting, adding a layer of absurdist humor by applying statistical analysis to casual conversation.

The goal is to take the core elements of the original joke and then enrich them with additional information, clever observations, or new scenarios that amplify the comedic effect.

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