A man walks into a bar and greets another man. They are talking and one man says that he is a calvinist. The other punches him in the face repeatedly.
The first man says “what did you do that for”. The other man says “you can’t complain, you were always predestined to get punched in the face”
Okay, here’s my attempt:
Joke Poo: A Existentialist Walks Into a Library
An existentialist walks into a library and sees another person browsing the philosophy section. He approaches him and says, “So, I’m an existentialist. I believe we are free to define our own existence and create meaning in a meaningless world.”
The other person slams a large, heavy copy of Sartre’s “Being and Nothingness” onto his foot.
The existentialist yells in agony, “Why?! Why would you do that?!”
The other person calmly replies, “It’s your choice to interpret the pain. You create your own meaning, after all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with the complete works of Camus.”
Okay, let’s break down this Calvinist joke and then see if we can spin some comedic gold.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Concept: The humor hinges on the doctrine of predestination central to Calvinism, which states that God has predetermined who will be saved and who will be damned, regardless of their actions in life.
- Setup: A Calvinist reveals his religious affiliation in a mundane setting (a bar). This creates an expectation of a theological discussion or perhaps an awkward social interaction.
- Punchline: The other man’s violent reaction, followed by his justification rooted in predestination, subverts the expectation. The absurdity lies in applying a serious theological concept to a violent act, implying that the punch was divinely ordained and inevitable.
- Humor Type: It’s a blend of:
- Dark Humor: The violence is unexpected and somewhat disturbing.
- Intellectual Humor: It requires some understanding of Calvinist theology to fully appreciate the joke.
- Situational Irony: The Calvinist, who believes his fate is predetermined, is being victimized under that very belief.
Interesting Facts & Tidbits to Leverage:
- John Calvin’s Views on Fun: John Calvin himself wasn’t a total sourpuss! While he emphasized discipline and hard work, he wasn’t against recreation. He believed it should be moderate and not interfere with one’s duty to God.
- Predestination Debates: Predestination is a VERY contentious topic, even within Calvinism! There are variations in how it’s interpreted, leading to debates and schisms.
- Practical Effect of Predestination: One interesting side effect of belief in predestination is supposed to be that it fosters an intense work ethic. If you believe you’re chosen, you’ll strive to prove it! This is part of the “Protestant work ethic” theory.
- Calvinism Beyond Religion: The concept of “predestination” can be applied to secular contexts. Think of someone blaming their misfortune on genetics, fate, or some other deterministic force.
New Jokes/Observations Based on the Analysis:
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New Joke: A behavioral economist walks into a bar. He orders a drink, knowing full well his choices are just predictable reactions to stimuli, and that free will is largely an illusion. The bartender sighs and says, “Oh great, another customer convinced they’re just a sophisticated algorithm. That’ll be $12, or whatever the hell you were always going to pay.”
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Witty Observation: “I tried arguing with a Calvinist about free will once. It was pointless, of course. He told me, ‘Either I was destined to convince you, or you were destined to disagree. And either way, arguing about it was also destined to happen. So, wanna grab another beer?’ “
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“Did You Know?” (Humorous): “Did you know that some historians argue that Calvinism inadvertently fueled the rise of capitalism? The logic goes that if you believed you were predestined for salvation, you’d work your butt off to prove it…and inadvertently accumulate wealth. So basically, John Calvin might be indirectly responsible for your boss.”
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Another Joke – Playing on Calvin’s (Misunderstood) Strictness: A Calvinist minister is coaching his son’s little league team. They’re down by one run in the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two outs. He calls a timeout. “Son,” he says to the batter, “I know you’re feeling the pressure. Just remember, whether you hit a grand slam or strike out looking, God has already decided the outcome. But for heaven’s sake, try to look a little disappointed if you strike out. We have to maintain appearances!”
These aim to either expand on the original joke’s premise, apply the concept of predestination to other situations, or inject humor into the historical and philosophical context surrounding Calvinism. I hope this is useful!