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A CEO asks his team to compose an environmental report

Posted on August 11, 2025 by Joke Poo

Employee: Sir, our studies show that your company contributes to only 1% of the world's pollution.

CEO: One percent? That's huge! We need to do something. Hell, if I lost 1% of my profits I'd be furious.

Employee: If you wanted to lower your impact, your profits would go down by 2%.

CEO: Oh. Never mind then.

Joke Poo: A Doggy Dilemma

A veterinarian asks a dog owner about the pet’s recent stool samples:

Veterinarian: Sir, our analysis shows that your dog’s poop accounts for only 1% of the total canine fecal matter deposited in the city parks.

Owner: One percent? That’s terrible! We need to do something. Hell, if I lost 1% of my paycheck, I’d be furious.

Veterinarian: If you wanted to reduce his impact on the parks, you’d have to start using those little baggies, which would cost about 2% of your paycheck annually.

Owner: Oh. Good boy, Sparky! Keep up the good work.

Alright, let’s dive into this joke.

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: A CEO tasks his team with an environmental report.
  • Punchline Core: The CEO cares more about profit loss than environmental impact, even a seemingly small impact like 1% of global pollution.
  • Humor Source: The humor stems from the hypocrisy of the CEO and the blatant prioritization of profit over environmental responsibility, a common (and often frustrating) reality in the corporate world. The exaggeration of his anger at losing 1% and the immediate change of heart when faced with a 2% profit loss amplifies the comedic effect.
  • Underlying Theme: Corporate greed vs. environmental responsibility.

Key Elements:

  • CEO: Representative of corporate greed, a person who prioritizes profit above all else.
  • Environmental Report: Serves to highlight the company’s impact on the environment.
  • 1% Pollution: Seems small individually, but is actually significant when considered globally.
  • Profit Loss: The CEO’s sole concern, even a seemingly small percentage is enough to make him change his mind.
  • Irony: The contrast between the CEO’s initial concern and his subsequent change of heart.

Comedic Enrichment:

Given these elements, let’s try a “Did You Know?” style observation, playing on the 1% theme:

“Did you know? The CEO in that joke probably thought the ‘1%’ everyone was talking about was him, and was relieved to find out it was just pollution. He was about to launch a PR campaign to clarify his tax bracket, when his staff informed him that reducing pollution would impact his earnings.”

Why this works:

  • Plays on a well-known phrase: The “1%” refers to the wealthiest segment of the population. Using this phrase as a misunderstanding brings the joke into a modern setting.
  • Exaggerates the CEO’s self-importance: It further exaggerates the CEO’s self-importance, contrasting his concern for reputation with his lack of concern for the environment.
  • Subtly political: Touches on themes of income inequality, corporate lobbying and PR.
  • Maintains the ironic core: It maintains the irony of the original joke by highlighting the contrast between the CEO’s priorities and the expectation of environmental responsibility.

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