They end up arguing about which service has the most skilled intelligence officers. As they argue, a little rabbit runs across the path in front of them. This gives them an idea for how they can settle it. They'll catch the rabbit. Then, for each agent, they'll set it free, and see how long it takes to him track it down and bring it back.
The American goes first. The rabbit is set free, they wait 5 minutes, then he goes chasing after it. He puts on his heat-sensing goggles, calls in a surveillance drone on his phone, and finds it in no time. He comes back with the rabbit 10 minutes later, and hasn't even broken a sweat.
Then the Brit. Without the American's fancy gadgets, he has to use his best tracking skills, and some logic and deduction to guess where the Rabbit might go. Eventually he comes back with it, a bit out of breath and covered in mud, 20 minutes later.
Then the Russian. He runs off into the forest. The other agents wait, first 10 minutes, then 20, then an hour. Just as they're about to give up and go home, a bear walks out into the forest clearing in front of them. It's not in a good way: bloody and bruised, with a big black eye. Astonished, they watch as it walks up to them, followed by the KGB agent with his rifle. He pokes the bear with it.
"Go on. Tell them what you told me."
The bear looks up miserably.
"I'm a rabbit. My parents were rabbits."
Joke Poo: The IT Auditors
Three IT auditors, one from Deloitte, one from KPMG, and one from a small local firm, are attending a cybersecurity conference in Las Vegas. They get into a heated debate about whose auditing methodologies are the most thorough and effective. As they argue, a stray Wi-Fi router with a flashing “Connect Me!” sticker falls off a table in front of them. This gives them an idea for how to settle the argument. They’ll each try to assess the router’s security vulnerabilities and see who can find the most significant flaw the fastest.
The Deloitte auditor goes first. Armed with proprietary software, a vulnerability scanner, and a team of analysts working remotely, he spends three hours meticulously analyzing the router’s firmware, network traffic, and access controls. He presents a detailed report highlighting several medium-severity vulnerabilities and suggests a list of remediation steps, all color-coded and presented in a visually appealing PowerPoint deck.
Then the KPMG auditor takes a turn. He relies on a combination of industry-standard tools, penetration testing techniques, and a deep understanding of common router security flaws. After two hours of hands-on testing, he discovers a critical vulnerability: a default administrative password that hasn’t been changed. He provides a concise report and recommends immediate action to mitigate the risk.
Finally, the auditor from the small local firm takes the router. He disappears into the back of the conference hall, returning after only 15 minutes covered in dust, grease and missing a shoe. He tosses a shattered plastic casing onto the table, revealing the internal components.
“I found a problem,” he says, wiping his brow. “I burned it with a lighter until it stank and confessed. Turns out, it’s been hosting a North Korean money laundering scheme.”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and see what comedic sparks we can ignite.
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: Three intelligence agents (CIA, MI6, KGB) compete to prove their agency’s superiority through a rabbit-catching contest.
- Setup: The differing approaches of each agent are highlighted: the American relies on high-tech gadgetry, the Brit on traditional tracking, and the Russian… well, we wait to find out.
- Punchline: The Russian agent intimidates a bear into confessing it’s a rabbit. The humor lies in the absurdity and brutality of the KGB’s methods, contrasting sharply with the other agencies’ approaches. It also subverts the expectation of a fair contest.
- Humor Type: Situational irony, dark humor, satire (of intelligence agency stereotypes).
Key Elements:
- Intelligence Agency Stereotypes: CIA (tech-reliant), MI6 (traditional, resourceful), KGB (ruthless, willing to bend reality)
- Rabbit: An unassuming, innocent animal used as the object of the competition.
- The Contest: A seemingly straightforward challenge turned into a demonstration of drastically different approaches.
- The Bear: A symbol of brute force and the victim of the KGB’s methods.
Comedic Enrichment: New Joke & “Did You Know”
New Joke
A Mossad agent, a Shin Bet agent, and a KGB agent are having a similar argument in a forest. They decide the rabbit contest is the way to decide who is best.
The Mossad agent goes first. He lets the rabbit go and within 2 minutes he’s back with the rabbit and a detailed plan on how to get its entire extended family to work for them as double agents.
The Shin Bet agent goes next. He lets the rabbit go, and is back in 3 minutes, with the rabbit, a signed confession for all rabbit-related crimes against the state, and a detailed list of known rabbit associates, along with their current addresses and safe houses.
The KGB agent goes last. He runs off into the forest. The other agents wait, first 10 minutes, then 20, then an hour. Just as they’re about to give up and go home, a bear walks out into the forest clearing in front of them. It’s not in a good way: bloody and bruised, with a big black eye. Astonished, they watch as it walks up to them, followed by the KGB agent with his rifle. He pokes the bear with it.
“Go on. Tell them what you told me.”
The bear looks up miserably.
“I’m a turtle. I’ve always been a turtle. What’s a rabbit?”
“Did You Know?” (Related to KGB methods)
Did you know that during the Cold War, the KGB reportedly used a variety of bizarre methods for gathering intelligence, including “honey traps” (using attractive agents to seduce targets) and even attempting to train cats as spies? While there’s no evidence they ever forced a bear to impersonate a rabbit, it wouldn’t be entirely out of character. And if they had trained cats, I bet the cats would have just spent the entire mission napping.