I said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his back pocket, the officer pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… on ANY land! No questions asked or answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull! With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he’d get gored before reaching safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
So, I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs.
“Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE!!!”
Edit: typos
Joke Poo: The Code Review
A Senior Engineer stopped by our team’s workstation yesterday. “I need to inspect your codebase for illegal refactoring practices.”
I said, “Okay, but don’t go near that particular module over there.”
The Senior Engineer verbally exploded, saying, “Junior, I have the authority of architectural integrity with me!” Reaching into his pocket, the engineer pulled out his certifications and shoved it in my face. “See these fucking certs? These certs mean I am allowed to review any code… in ANY module! No questions asked or answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to debugging. A short time later, I heard loud cursing, looked up, and saw the Senior Engineer running for his life, being chased by our Tech Lead! With every line of code the Tech Lead was gaining ground on the engineer, highlighting his terrible design patterns with every iteration. The Engineer was clearly losing.
So, I threw down my tools, ran to my workstation, and shouted at the top of my lungs.
“Your certifications, show him your fucking CERTIFICATIONS!!!”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke.
Key Elements:
- Setting: A farm, suggesting rural and perhaps "old-fashioned" values clashing with modern law enforcement.
- Characters:
- A farmer: Appears initially naive but turns out to be cunning.
- A DEA officer: Arrogant, power-tripping, and ultimately outsmarted.
- A bull: Symbol of raw, uncontrolled power, indifferent to authority.
- Premise: A conflict between federal authority (the badge) and the farmer’s hidden knowledge/control over his environment (the bull). The irony lies in the officer’s bluster being useless against a non-human threat.
- Punchline: The farmer’s sarcastic suggestion to "show him your badge!" highlights the absurdity of the officer’s misplaced confidence and the limitations of his authority. The badge which he was wielding so proudly means nothing to the bull.
- Humor Type: Situational irony, schadenfreude (pleasure at the officer’s misfortune), and a bit of dark humor.
Enrichment Time!
Knowing that bulls are color blind (contrary to popular myth), we can play on this fact to amplify the humor of the joke. The badge has no effect on the bull, as the officer is about to find out.
Here’s a new joke inspired by the original, incorporating this bull-related fact:
New Joke:
A DEA officer, convinced he’d found a hidden marijuana grow, stormed onto my farm. "I have a warrant to search the premises!" he yelled, waving the document.
I shrugged. "Go ahead, but be careful near the prize-winning bull in that pasture."
Of course, he ignored me. He puffed out his chest and walked straight into the pasture. Within seconds, a bellow shattered the air, and the officer was running for his life, the bull thundering behind him.
As the officer scrambled over the fence, ripping his pants, I called out, "Hey! Maybe if you wave your warrant at him, the bull will respect the authority of the federal government!"
The officer, panting and covered in mud, glared at me. "Warrant? Warrants are worthless! I should have worn red pants! I didn’t know this bull was colorblind to the color of authority!"