…said to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant.
"Oh no!" said the lawyer, "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge!"
"I see, good to know," said his client. Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favour of the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars."
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them," said the lawyer.
"But I did send them," said his client.
"What?? You did?" asked the shocked lawyer.
"Yes. That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said his lawyer.
"It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."
Joke Poo: The Online Review
A struggling restaurant owner, facing a wave of negative online reviews, lamented to his marketing consultant, "If these reviews keep coming, I’m doomed!"
"It’s all in the hands of the online reviewers now," the consultant said grimly.
"Would it help if I sent each prominent food blogger a free meal?" the owner asked.
"Absolutely not!" the consultant exclaimed. "These bloggers pride themselves on unbiased opinions. Offering them freebies would bias them against you. They might even write a scathing review out of spite! In fact, you shouldn’t even like their posts on social media!"
"I understand, good to know," the owner replied.
Some weeks later, the restaurant saw a massive surge in positive reviews and bookings. Leaving the restaurant after a particularly busy night, the owner told his consultant, "Thanks for the tip about the free meals."
"I’m certain we would have remained empty if you had sent them," the consultant declared, relieved.
"But I did send them," the owner admitted.
"What?! You did?" the shocked consultant asked.
"Yep. That’s how we turned things around."
"I don’t understand," the consultant said, utterly confused.
"It’s simple. I sent each food blogger the most burnt, inedible dish I could possibly create, but I enclosed a competitor’s business card."
Okay, let’s dissect this joke and then spice it up:
Joke Dissection:
- Core Conflict: The tension is between ethical legal behavior (as professed by the lawyer) and the defendant’s willingness to circumvent the system.
- Twist/Surprise: The defendant does send cigars, completely undermining the lawyer’s advice, and seemingly influences the judge in his favor. The bigger twist is how he used the cigars – not as a bribe, but as a frame-up.
- Humor Source: The humor lies in the hypocrisy and the defendant’s clever (though morally questionable) solution. It also pokes fun at the perceived corruption, or at least the potential for corruption, within the legal system.
- Key Elements: Lawsuit, Lawyer, Defendant, Judge, Cigars, Bribe, Ethics, Deception, Plaintiff, Business Card.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s leverage some interesting cigar facts to create a witty observation, building on the original joke:
Witty Observation:
"You know, the judge might have been even more conflicted if the defendant had sent Cuban cigars, and the plaintiff’s business card. Not only would he be perceived as corrupt, but he’d also be facilitating illegal trade! It’s a legal and geopolitical nightmare – the kind of situation that could only be resolved with an investigation by a special council, preferably over a very expensive single malt scotch… that definitely wasn’t sent by either party."
How it works:
- Builds on the original: Stays within the context of cigars and legal proceedings.
- Heightens the absurdity: Escalates the stakes by introducing Cuban cigars, making the ethical breach even more pronounced (and adding a criminal element).
- Adds a layer of topical humor: References the concept of a special council, a known entity and the special council usually handles sensitive legal or political issues which relates to the original joke in a round-about way.
- Implies further corruption: Even the special council can be bribed as well.