He says "Rex, how many ducks are in the pond?" Rex runs to the pond, comes back and barks 4 times. Some guy watching this goes to the pond and sees there's 4 ducks.
The guy returns and says "that was just a fluke."
"No it wasn't," the dog owner says. "Rex how many ducks are in the pond now?" Rex runs to the pond returns and barks 7 times. They go to the pond and sure enough there's 7 ducks.
"That's the smartest dog I've ever seen," the guy says. "I'll give you $500 for him."
"He's not for sale," the owner says. "$1,000". "Still not for sale," the owner replies. The guy says "$25,000 cash." Reluctantly the owner agrees.
The next day the new owner takes the dog and a friend to the park. "This is the smartest dog in the world, watch. Rex, how many ducks are in the pond?" he commands.
Rex runs to the pond, grabs a stick, shakes it in his mouth while humping the guys leg and drops the stick.
"Some smart dog," the friend laughs.
"No we'll try again the new owner says. Rex, how many ducks are in the pond?" he commands.
Rex runs to the pond, grabs a stick, shakes it in his mouth while humping the guys leg and drops the stick.
"Get out of here," the guy yells at Rex. "I never want to see you again," and with that he starts kicking at Rex and shoos him away to fend for himself.
Later that day he goes to Rex's original owner and says "you sure took me for a sucker you bastard. Your dog embarassed me so I got rid of him."
"What happened?" the old owner asked. So the new owner said "I asked him how many ducks were in the pond and he ran to the pond, grabbed a stick, shook it in his mouth while humping my leg and then dropped the stick."
"You idiot," the original owner said. "Rex was telling you there were more ducks in the pond than you can shake a fucking stick at."
Joke Poo: The Tech Support Dog
A programmer is showing off his Shiba Inu at a tech conference.
He says, “Binary, tell me, how many lines of code are in this algorithm?” Binary trots over to the laptop, stares intently at the screen, then barks 1011 times. Someone in the crowd pulls out their phone, runs the code, and confirms: 1011 lines.
The guy watching is stunned. “That was a total coincidence.”
“Nope,” the programmer says, “Binary, how many lines of code are in that algorithm?” Binary sniffs the second laptop, barks 11001 times. Again, the count is verified.
Impressed, a venture capitalist shouts, “I’ll give you $10,000 for that dog!”
“Not for sale,” the programmer replies. “$50,000!” “Still not for sale.” The VC, desperate, says, “$1 million, cash, right now.” Reluctantly, the programmer agrees.
The next day, the VC takes Binary to a board meeting. “Behold,” he announces, “the smartest dog in Silicon Valley! Binary, tell us, how many lines of code are in our new AI framework?”
Binary walks up to the server rack, sniffs around, then starts chewing on the power cord. He then proceeds to lift his leg and pee all over the cooling fans.
The board members stare in disbelief. “What a rip-off! I demand my money back!”
The VC storms back to the programmer, furious. “Your dog is an idiot! He destroyed a server! I want my million back!”
“What happened?” the programmer asks innocently.
“I asked him how many lines of code were in the AI framework, and he chewed the power cord and peed on the server!”
The programmer sighs. “Oh, you just don’t speak Binary. He was telling you it was buggy, needed to be shut down immediately and was full of shit.”
Alright, let’s dissect this “smart” dog joke and see if we can squeeze some more humor out of it.
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: A dog appears to be incredibly intelligent by accurately counting ducks.
- Setup: The owner demonstrates the dog’s duck-counting ability, enticing a stranger to buy the dog for a substantial sum.
- Twist/Punchline: The dog, when put to the test by the new owner, appears to lose its abilities and exhibits sexually suggestive, confusing behavior. The original owner reveals that the dog was communicating the number of ducks in a very crude, literal way.
- Humor Source: The humor arises from the contrast between expectations (a genius dog) and reality (a dog with a very specific and awkward way of communicating). It also relies on the audience’s familiarity with the common “humping” behavior of dogs and the double entendre of “more ducks than you can shake a stick at.”
Key Elements to Play On:
- Dog Intelligence (or lack thereof): The absurdity of expecting a dog to do complex math.
- Duck Counting: The specificity of counting ducks.
- Dog Humping: The awkwardness and misinterpretation of dog humping behavior.
- Stick Shaking: The literal translation of an idiom.
- Miscommunication: The inherent flaws of animal communication.
New Humor Creation:
Let’s start with a “Did You Know?” style observation that blends the duck-counting element with real-world duck facts:
Did you know: Mallard ducks, like the ones Rex was (supposedly) counting, have an uncanny ability to remember specific locations for feeding. In fact, a Mallard once filed a lawsuit against a construction company for building on his favorite pond. The case was dismissed, citing “insufficient quackdence.” Which, ironically, is exactly what Rex was trying to avoid – insufficient quackdence, leading him to more… expressive… counting methods. Perhaps the new owner just didn’t speak fluent Canine Crudity. He should have asked Rex to spell out the number of ducks…though that might have involved even more leg.
Alternative Joke Suggestion:
A dog is at the veterinarian. The vet says, “Your dog seems to be obsessed with counting ducks. He’s constantly barking numbers when he sees them.”
The owner sighs. “I know. It’s gotten so bad. Last week, he saw a couple of geese and started doing long division on the sidewalk!”
The vet looks concerned. “That’s… unusual. Has he always had this compulsion?”
“No, it started when I tried to teach him how to duck-ument my code. Now he’s got a serious dependency!”